Player Comments on Highschool Lockdown

I had a little trouble believing how some of choices played out, although I admit that my opinion is biased from the start because I found the premise rather problematic given how many tragedies have involved guns and schools. It really didn't work for me as the setting of, what I assume, was supposed to be a wryly humorous adventure, and I really didn't have it in me to explore all the paths.

That being said, what's there is decently written, if in need of a little bit of proofreading and some more plot development. If you don't have a problem with the premise, it isn't all too long, has a couple of unique endings, and might be worth a playthrough or two.

Hm. This didn't have a lot in common with the way people would genuinely feel when caught during a genuine terrorist incident (I remember going to the scene of the Luxor Massacre in Egypt and seeing bloody fingerprints on the walls...) but it did have a lot in common with how people would react in a computer game... I think a greater degree of realism and a few checks for grammar mistakes would be useful (you should never have questions like "you see 3 guys patrolling what do you do" because that leads to a distinctive "meh" reaction).
I think you have a good premise and some promising alternative choices worked out here but from a random reader I'd recommend revamping the writing to make it more gritty, more sensory (talk about individual actions, reader's responses, the emotions of other people in dramatic terms etc) and generally more lifelike, then you'd have something a lot stronger here :)
Also there seemed a distinct indifference on the part of the author every time I died. It's bad enough dying, it's worse if the omniscient narrator doesn't care much about it :P

Okay. This game does not take itself seriously. This is a fairly big problem since the plot is about school shootings and gun violence. If you're wanting something serious, this isn't it.

I'll start with the grammar since that's the biggest flaw. The author often mistakes "Your" and "You're" (Your is possessive, meaning an object is yours, and you're means you are). Other than that; I don't see any spelling errors, but the author does write quite unprofessionally.

Writing: The story uses way too many references for my liking, and although I am all for using humor in CYS games, using references should not be used as a crutch; This game does that unintentionally or not. The game is short and it could have done better to be longer with more detailed environments

The choices are great. Easily the best part of the game is the different endings and choices, with few of them looping back to each other. That being said, the game has good choices, but I wish it had more.

Despite all these flaws, I found myself consistently enjoying this story and I can't wait to see what the author does next. Worth every cent

hello

pretty much me to a T

Yeah, we honestly love the ending. No school! Yay!

awesome

It was fun.

Wow just bad

I funny story i really liked the crime syndicate ending

Hey guys, thanks so much for all the feedback. With the information everyone provided I am working on a story that I hope will be longer, proofread, smarter, and better than my previous ones.
The reasons I made this so horrible was
1. I'm horrible at writing (I got a shitty English mark)
2. Just for fun, I love making my own, crappy, jokes and publishing them for all to see.
3. Feedback (this is a big one) The feedback helps me in the future and making a shitty story first helps people point out flaws that I would otherwise miss in later developments.
So thanks to everyone for helping me become better in something that may or may not stay in my life

The choices had no meaning, and to me came across as ridiculous, I guess the motive of the character was somewhat there.

I used the force,daddy!

Good, in a way.

It was okay, i liked all the different choices.

Pretty short, but i got a good ending and i think it was pretty cool. I gave it a 5

i tried to hitchike a car but failed... then it suddenly ended... nice

The fact I can see that your work and I don't have a good nice to have be yu

Better than most new games here, so yay!

This story might have been short and lacking in description, but damn was it entertaining. I also think there was a decent balance between linearity and making you feel that you'll die if you do one wrong thing. I think I laughed out loud at some point in nearly every path, and for that I upped my rating to 4/8.

I'm Batwoman, and I find your gane is fun but too short and too easy. You should have tried to make it longer. It was fun, though. It was decent...

See I think if you were to change where you get arrested it would be better, because if something like this were to actually happen and you did end up killing them it would be self defense and you would not go to jail for it. But other than that it was pretty good!

It's not bad it's not great all in all worth a play.

Not bad, certainly not the best, but it was entertaining. The story plot was ok, and the writing was good, however at one point the sentence made no sense at all; bad English writing there. Apart from that, yeah, good. 5/8