Player Comments on Hogwarts Life - Student

People are generally advised not to publish unfinished stories. Besides being in pretty bad need of proofreading, this has broken links etc and then just abruptly ends which likely means it'll wind up unpublished.

Unfortunately, you've now marked it with today's date for publishing, which means that if you do ever finish it it won't show up as a new story. (Unless you get it done very quickly before a bunch of other new stories have time to go up.)

You're going to have to copy what you have here to a fresh storygame to prevent that. (Lucky for you, you've only been working on this three days and have less than 2000 words...could have been a much bigger setback with a more substantial project.)

In the future, just leave the story in sneak peek and post a link in the Writing Workshop with requests for anything specific you'd like feedback or advice on.

And for that matter, anyone there would have warned you not to publish an unfinished story if you'd mentioned your plans...or you might have found the help article on the subject...or just noticed on your own that other stories here are complete, if you'd read any first. So, lesson learned; it's a really good idea to familiarize yourself with a site before using it!

I'd recommend some articles on scripting as well, as asking the player for the character's gender and blood type is a bit pointless if the game doesn't actually track it and has to just turn around and ask them again anytime it comes up.

Anyhow, I'm not much of a Harry Potter fan but I've seen far worse, your writing seems competent enough that I'd say anything from you has potential if proofread and completed.