Player Comments on In a Cave...

For your first storygame, it was neat. It seems that you understand how to make basic choices and allow the character to take different paths, which is always great. I liked that I could choose a variety of responses and get some different results. As for the story, it was interesting, but I wished that you had expanded it a bit more. It really caught my attention. About the writing, the constant, somewhat overly dramatic exclamations were a bit annoying (ex: Suddenly, you have fallen through open air! You went over a cliff!). I felt that you used too many exclamation points during the tense scenes, which negatively affected the experience. More detailed scenes would have been welcome. A description of the character's surroundings, emotions, etc. would have helped enhance the story (ex: Your feet slip and side on the edge of the rock. Whimpering, you flatten yourself against the side of the mountain. The wind rakes at your face as you squeeze your eyes shut, hands desperately clinging to the rocks. Even as the sharp edges dig into your palms, you only tighten your grip and bite your lip). The grammar was fine - I didn't catch too many spelling errors, so it made the game more fun to play.

Overall, I enjoyed this game, although I wished it had been longer. I feel that the story would be more exciting if you had more detailed scenes. Right now, it feels like the bare skeleton of a great plot - fleshing it out would be great. I hope that you keep writing and making games.

This was good. There was a lot of branching and good grammar and writing, so you've at least got the basics down to a tee. It could've used more detail for a lot of it, such as descriptions and such, and could've been longer with a more substantial plot, but it was a good storygame in general.

Ok, that was a Choose your Own Adventure story :) I like the way you used the choices and the way you had different settings, events and situations to figure out, the story branched well and your writing was error-free and to the point, if a bit short in places at a sentence per page. Overall I'd give this 4/8, there was nothing particularly wrong with it except that it could have been longer, if you can write a story like this that is say three or four times the length with more characters and situations it'd be even better :)

The story was ok but it was short. What was the character doing inside a cave with an ape? Why does the story end with him getting a job and never regaining any memory?0

You got a eh on the nomnom scale! The reason for this is because your ending was so sudden and random. Also, it kind of confused me like why is there an ape near the mountains after a blizzard just happened. If there was a warning I might not have been so confused and just have accepted it. But seriously apes don't live near the cold mountains... unless it somehow escaped from a zoo and since you marked serious I took this v e r y seriously. Seriously I meant it, well good job for your first try, but you have a long way to go...
Conversion Chart:
yuk!=0-1 stars
eh!=1-1.9 stars
meh...=2-2.9 stars
nom=3-3.9 stars
nomnom=4-4.9
nomnomnom!=5-6

Noice

Good job! Keep up the good work!

it was a fun short game i havent tried all the paths yet though. . .

It was...interesting. And unexpected. I'll give it that at least.

This story does not make sense at all. I have a hundred questions per page pop up in my head that are rarely answered in this story. It really wasn't very good, sorry, try better next time, champ.
1/8

This was a neat short adventure, and I liked it a lot.

You need to fix your summary, those lines are incredibly annoying and it will distract from your game. This wasn't too bad of a first try, but I don't have time to do more than skim right now.