Player Comments on It's, It's a....Thing?

While animal games can be enjoyable, this one honestly failed to grab my attention. The plot was too weak and didn't give me a reason to continue playing, as I could be spending my time playing a fantasy adventure rather than deciding what animal to hunt. The writing was rather bland and didn't really provide enough details to enhance the scenes, but it had potential. The grammar was fine, aside from a few typos here and there. It would be nice if you gave the animals more personalities and unique abilities, as that will help them stand out in your story. It was a bit frustrating that no matter what animal you played, you would basically receive the same endings.

Overall, I didn't really enjoy this game and found it a bit boring and too simple. However, I believe that if you find a topic that you're passionate about, you have the potential to create a great game. Taking the time to create a strong, unique plot is also a good idea. I also suggest that you try adding more details to your writing and using the five senses so that your readers can feel more engaged in the world. You at least did a good job with the mechanics - the choices flowed well and didn't lead me to the wrong scenes or endings.

I'm glad I could help feed the poor polar bears.

Animal stories are pretty trite, but as far they go, this one was far from the worst. Like Will suggested, I recommend coming up with a different topic that interests you and write on that.

Keep at it. Like most anything else, practice will help improve your writing and expand your creativity.

Yay I supported the lion family.

bord

That was boring.

Yeah that was a pretty simple story... why do new authors write about animals so much when they first decide to start discovering whether or not they can write? Anyway there was a plot here but it was quite a weak one that didn't make any difference to the story, to hook readers in you might need something a bit juicier. I would suggest having more animals with unique personalities like in Disney films but that isn't a path most new writers of animal stories take on this site... your writing is ok but I'd suggest finding something else that inspires you and spending more time writing about it?
Also some people who leave comments on these stories are really quite odd. :)

Oh and another thing, at the endings you've your 'your right' and your wrong', when it should be you're.

The writing is pretty good, only a few technical issues spotted and you've got a good amount of detail here. I'm glad you made some of the changes I suggested in the thread, but I'm not sure how well this will be received. It's still really short and the actual structure of the story plays out exactly the same no matter what kind of fox you pick, and of course a lot of us are pretty burned out on animals stories since we get so many of them and usually...not very good ones. This was definitely above average though and so I hope you'll come up with some new ideas and write a longer story sometime.