Player Comments on Magus: Betrayal

I know the author will probably never see this given how old a story this one is, but I'm going to review it anyway.

Magnus: Betrayal isn't bad by any means. It's obvious from the get-go that the author has a well established knowledge of the English language and a uses a wide range of vocabulary.

However, with this came a sense of the contrived. I felt some of the language was put in just to make the story sound more high fantasy. It's tempting to do, but overdone in my opinion. I know you could argue that it makes the story sound more exotic and therefore fantasy-like or whatever, but it just feels forced to me. Many sentences just did not flow, or used so many commas they were clunky or even difficult to follow. I get this; it's something I struggle with when writing quickly with too. However, proof-reading is essential. Yes, it can be boring and difficult with a CYOA (especially if you script and can't remember which page leads to which), but do it.

Which takes me onto scripting. I get that not many people learn how to script much or at all, but this kind of story would really benefit from script that isn't difficult. Even a few variables to track certain choices and the magic class picked would up the immersion and lead to a smoother experience. It just makes things more exciting knowing the author has scripted pages that change depending on your choices. It really shows the reader that choice matters, something every CYOA aims to do.

The story could also be expanded more. More lore, more background. The details can get boring, so space it out as the reader explores the world.

Given these points and the array of grammatical and spelling errors made, I think this story would be rated lower than it is if it were published today. That's to be expected- the site's standards have raised over the years. Regardless, a good edition with real effort obviously put in. It is a shame I probably won't be able to read the sequels and see improvements made.

5/8

This story is linear. This story needed thorough proofreading that it never got. This story does not take advantage of editor features. It offers many options which are narratively inconsequential, except, that they give the player many ways to succeed.

There are moments in this game where the player gets an incredible opportunity for roleplaying. What is our Uriel like? We decide. Our choices are not inconsequential in substance, as they allow us to define the character we want to play as.

More games should strive to do this. Our character's personality and strategies are ours to control in thoughtful detail, and that's a pretty admirable accomplishment that this long gone writer championed.

Unfortunately, some of the sweetness we might otherwise enjoy from this short venture in a fantastic land runs dry as "Tides of War" never made it past its first step. Likely, we'll never know what intrigue awaited, nor how our version of Uriel ended his journey.

Incredibly well written story. The writing style really sets the mood and atmosphere for a classic fantasy setting feel.

It's linear, but very replayable. I like the way playing a different element will give you a whole new perspective on the same story. It's very clever the way the story all fits together and makes sense whichever path you take.

I would have criticised the decision to not script it so that the player would be forced to stick with their element, but I feel the explanation given in the description is justified.

The only things I can think of that would have improved this storygame is more thorough proofreading and a sequel. It's a shame that we'll probably never get to see the rest of this series.

i dont know if i just played bad but this was super short, but it was good none the less

no

Good story I hope that you finish the next chapter or the space story soon.=)

Shame this story never got finished, but it was a decent story on it's own. Got to say, it was very frustrating that you kept having to choose which element you specialized in, but then, this game is super old, and was probably made before the advanced editor even existed, so you're off the hook for that one.

In short, writing was good, story was engaging, magic system was cool. ^_^

Super fun! I am eager to see what happens next.

Entertaining game and some cool choices in there. Shame it was so short and a bit linear as some others have said but I still enjoyed it. Thanks and more please!

I knew it's in parts but still..I feel kinda disappointed that this part is way too short..Good and promising story line tho...

Old story but advanced for it's time. I enjoyed the magic selection and how each type of magic can aid the main character.

wish it was longer more please

Loved it. It was not long to read which was good, and it was enough to engage you in. Thanx for the trip!

wish it was longer

more please

Great game. But I don't like how if you choose a certain element, you're given other elemental choices. But good game. Very entertaining

The best I can say is, it isn't a waste of time to play, but if your time is precious look elsewhere. The "honor system" used for the magic specialty doesn't really hinder gameplay and is in line with a paper cyoa book, but some might find it un polished. I didn't dock points for that, my rating mainly stands on content over mechanics. The writing was not poor, but I never felt invested in the story or my own character. Outside of combat there were few choices and all were largely irrelevant. I would have liked to see some more creative and less repetitive combat options, and in those cases you were given an option other than "use your specialty" or "generic magic" it almost always resulted in death. Overall the writing and gameplay could deserve a higher score, but this didn't have the length to make a bigger impact. It is a part one yes, but I don't feel as a part one it had enough of a self contained plot. The cliff hanger ending is a hard one to pull off. It must be well crafted and at the very least it must give the reader enough to chew on that they are aching to find out what's next. In that regard this cliff hanger is both unsatisfying, and the initial chapter didn't pull me into the "mystery" enough to make me want more. The danger of a multi part series is that even if the entire volume of work is strong, each part will be judged on its own merits. This author has room for growth, but judging by this work they could have the tallest and drive to go far. Despite my critiques I do not regret the time I spent playing and never found myself groaning or wishing to just get through to the end.

Amazing story, loved every part of it and hope art 2 is just as good or better!

Decent

so glad to have more than 2 choices at almost all if not all decisions in the journey

It could be made longer, but apart from that, fantastic.

Boring dragged on

Quite a good way to pass my time on the toilet as I suffer from chronic constipation, I usually take 30 to 40 minutes on a trip to the lavatory and having a fun and literary time on the toilet, quite exhilarating, thank you for the lovely story ??

It's definitely worth a read.

Great!

This game was pretty good. Playing it stoned was definitely the highlight of my day today (a pretty shit day tho, like on the whole). Anyway, I only died a couple times, and I didn't see the point of picking an element - I mean, you could just say later on the game that you were any type of mage, and it didn't matter what I had decided to be earlier in the game.

Dammit, I want my being an Air Mage to mean something. Still, the game was a pretty good way to pass the time.

very short. Would like it to remember what element I choose to specialize in. Still well written just wish there was more.

Srry but I got a bit bored

Definitely needs to keep track of your element choice for you, I think it's rather silly for an online game to make you memorize it, when i know full well it can be put in.

The writing and story were decent, though a bit short. I wouldn't call the results of individual choices hugely logical though.

it's good but to short

Amazing.

I read this, and believe it was caused by my choices, but was amazingly uneventful. I loved the wording abd characters were vividly made. Please make more than one, which I'm about to look for

intersting

I finally beat it with at least 3 tries!!!The last question was the hardest. I was a Flame mage

i like medieval/fantasy games so i liked this storygame. i am excited for the sequel.

Fun could be longer

Good and fun story.

Very good! Also, very short. This fellow is a very skilled writer.

It's clear that he employed a large multiplicity of choices over a longer story.

If I have the opportunity to see part II of this story, I will savor it. It may be a shorty, but it's a goody!

That was pretty cool, but it needs a sequel.

Pretty good. ^_^

Dang, I died. I always do a story in one try. But, It was very good.

ok

It was a good story

Pretty good, pretty good.

Cool

really interesting :D

Thrilling from start to end. Looking forward to part 2

Hey there. I found your story, out of boredom.

Guess what? I loved it! It was a classic "good guy vs. bad guy" story, but it had its twists and turns. Keep writing!

Has a lot of potential with an intriguing setting, but this is a slow opening.

I loved this! This was my first story on this site and it was an absolutely great one.

Short but satisfying!!!!!!!!!!!

That was really good! I liked the drawings, too.

I kept on dying by choosing the exciting answers. Death everywhere.

This is an intriguing game. I would like to see a sequel.

Even though it was quite short, I am a fan of the idea of elemental magics, and the genre appealed to me as well.

Unfortunately, I couldn't get over the clumsy way in which badly-utilized pronouns would confuse the actions of the characters. There were an average amount of misspellings, but the words themselves being misplaced in their sentences were the biggest distractions.

It's not a badly-told narrative and it has a lot of potential, but the author needs to focus on cleaning it up before publishing next time.

I will say: the drawings were EXCELLENT - easily matching things I've seen in early Lone Wolf and Choose Your Own Adventure books! Whether it is the author him/herself who has done them or someone else, I would sincerely like the artist's contact info so I may hire him/her to do some illustrations for me as well! ^_^

Neat, would like a longer story. Cool Ideas and good writing!

I played like 4 different times lol. it was awesome!!

Above average in almost every respect

"Lying", "off", please use spell check and re-read content but overall it was a great job!

Very Nice!!!

Too short

Nice job.

Well it was a good story and the elements system was interesting.

The only downside was how short the story was. Still I definitely recommend trying it out.

8/8 well written and finally a great story full of choices and a good plot!

Great, though you cold just lie about the magic you use

pretty good, some paths end pretty fast though

Awesome

too short

Loved it

It was fun but I would have liked for it to be a little longer

This game is just plain boring! It is nothing like the actual Choose Your Own Adventure books.

Good.

Yo this was my first choose your own adventure thingy but i really liked it :3 but i thought it will be much longer :o i mean the story was not complete but i really enjoyed it and wished for more
i guess writing these takes a huge amount of time so i don't blame you

Can't you start again if you are unsuccessful?

pretty good....lots of options and such.

Well written, the fact hat I can select what ever I want even if I chose a different specialization is a bit of a hiccup. Overall an excellent story

Nice

Good story well written with and enaging plot. I wish it was longer and brought the story to a definative conclusion. Looking forward to playing part II.

the steady growing worse of the road.

LOL Who wrote/edited this crap

The concepts of different elements connected with different personality traits kept me playing to find all of the possibilities. As the author said, it would be ideal for the game to remember your initial choice of element, but the game is entertaining nonetheless. A few typos here and there (what can I say, I notice!), but overall, worth playing a few times! Thanks!

I think this game was great(Except when changing elements

I loved the game I had to play with all the elements to truly complete the 8/8!

Very well-written with a good story and fleshed out RPG elements. Could have been a little longer, but I understand with all the paths that it would have taken a lot of time. This was a lot of fun and if you can spare a bit of time, try this out.

Interesting story. I enjoyed playing. Thanks. Keep writing!!!! You are good

5/8 extremely short but ok

Very excellent game. I have read many of CYOA stories and I have yet to read one as well written as this. I like how you made more options to continue the story and plots than the regular CYOA stories have to offer. Keep up the good work!

The game is awesome with nice plot.. The site needs more such games..

it was pretty good ^^

Pretty good, could be longer but still an entertaining story, good job. 5/8

Good, but the class system wasn't very restrictive. You could easily claim to be a water magus when you are really adept at fire magic. Still, it was a fun game, so 7/8.

I think this game has no faults except for some spelling errors :)
The descriptions are neither too short nor lengthy, and I liked the elimental system a lot!
I will definitely replay it and see if I can win by taking another course of action.

Great storyline & more than a little challenging but well worth it. The only problems I encountered were spelling errors, grammar errors, wrong word use (example: here is used instead of hear when the word hear is what was meant to be used), & a couple parts where multiples of the same words were used (example: of the of the). So ye basically just need someone to proofread your work & then will not have any problems with it.

Wonderful and intricate story! Can't wait for the second part!

It was an interesting tale

Fun, waiting for the next part!

Not bad, could be longer.

Good story, if a bit short. Waiting for the sequel.

Very well written.

Awesome!

Excellent beginning for what promises to be a lengthy plot.

CYOA Format: Multiple endings that don't immediately end in death and a "True" ending make this more in the flavor of a Lone-Wolf style CYOA than other longer works. The choices are numerous and feel viable without insulting the reader's intelligence... No, we don't want to release the demon Velzix :)

Story Format: The brevity of each section is a welcome relief from the normal section length (of 4-5 Word pages). While this initial portion of the story is short, if we combine it with 3-4 similarly sized sections you'll have an interesting and compact read.

It's a shame the enemy died the way they did.. I felt it was a powerful and intelligent opponent.

Game Mechanics: From this standpoint I wish there was some form of a Mana or MP system for the spells you use. That might require making it advanced though. In any event, it would open up choices... fireball everything and then be dry when the real threat shows up? Additional options would be available if you had the MP / Mana to use them. Depending on what element you are you could start w/ differing levels of Mana. Choices could be as follows:

Are you an Adept of Ice? (link)
Cowardice is better than death - Run away! (link)
Hit all the goblins with a Magic Missile? (10 MP - link)
Fireball the area around the goblins (30 MP - Link)
Summon an Earth elemental (90 MP)

TL;DR - While brief, this CYOA is well done and deserves your excitement for future installments. A must-read for everyone new to the genre or learning how to write one.

i loved your story! it was very thrilling and i did not die! XD

I think the concept of having "class" of mage is awesome, but it's too bad I didn't see much of its effect on the story. Whichever elemental I choose, it seems that I can manipulate other element just as if I were magus of that element. But nice story and politics though. :)

Would have been great not having to search through different choices for each element since I had picked one in the beginning

Great story, loved the element selection and the well thought out balance between the elements, could have really used a script to check your element rather than you having to tell it every time but it doesn't detract from the excellent and well written story in the least.

Appreciated the multiple story lines branching from one universal one, and how each seperit story played in, as well as the spectacularly well done descriptions of the everything you encounter after death, which also serve to make losing more interesting than seriously disappointing.

Great reading adventure! The story had a few minor grammatical errors in it, but I enjoyed it nonetheless and highly recommend it to others. :-)

Fun story. Lots of twists and fun turns.

This game, while indeed being rather short, is incredibly good. I cannot wait for the second part to come out.

Absolutely fantastic

Good stuff, a few mistakes ('of' rather than 'off', missingspacesbetweenwords, etc) but none that are blaringly obvious. A very good read.

I Beat the game under half an hour without useing the back button.

Pretty cool! There are a few typos, but otherwise the storyline is as magnificent as the fluidity of your if/else statements. Good work!

Fantastic story!

looking forward to part 2

the play through was good, I look forward to using all the different elements

great game

Really cool, but I wished it were longer.

Please make more!

Hope to read part two soon.

Good fun, but kinda short and easy.

Enjoyable, similar to storybooks in the sense that it didnt keep track of what I was even capable of, which I exploited the hell out of... (I decided that I was so amazing I could cast whatever types of spells I wanted to +) hehehe)

Neat game, story interesting.

Really interesting...

beast

Great story, very enjoyable, I look forward to playing the second chapter!

Amazing book! i really want to read the next part!

It was rather short and drab. There were also many distracting typing errors.

Good game, things moved logically and quickly.

superb... Liked it very much.

Very well thought out -with a few grammatical errors. Story was interesting and left me dead...more than once.

fun game

Great story. although seems rather limited in choices, it is still captivating

Good game

Awesome game.

I love the Game! Can't wait to see the game! Ha-ha.

I enjoyed it but it's too short. I realize that having multiple choices took you more time to write it, but seriously, how long did it take? 4 hours? I'd rather see this much, much longer. Like, if the current version is a chapter, the whole game would be no less than 10 or 15. This is the only reason I rated it 5.
It certainly had a lot of potential, though.

Pretty Good. A little weirdly worded, but its neat.

too short, needed to be longer and more in depth, but a good first part nonetheless!

Feels somewhat short, but other than that great game

This story is so AMAZING!!!!!!

It really good

pretty good, too short. I wanted more, so you know it was good. Hurry with the next chapter. Thanks.

I died

I wish it would be fleshed out better, and longer. The choices should also be remembered and I feel it lacks actual choices that matter, as example no chance to save any of the two companions no matter what element or tactic you use.

The game flies by! Nice story that leaves me wanting more. :) Thanks!

I very much enjoyed this story played as a water magus, and I'm looking forward to trying the other versions and the next chapters :-)

good

Wow, I won! :p I love the variation between the choices. I really love the "choosing of elements" part. :p

there were a few spelling erors but other than that very nice story, ill be waiting on the next part to come out.

Really good! It really casts you on the story.

It was amazing, however a little too much text for me.

Pretty good. Very short. A link to part 2 would be great

It is a great game

Good job but, the choices kinda confusing, and the main character need more identity.

Great Story! The writing and imagination is excellent. I was pleased to have a lot of choices. Still it could be longer.

i indeed was hopeing for more diversity in the story line, but i understand that a second chapter is hard when it didnt culminate at one point.

This was really cool. I liked the elemental power thing.

This was a really good game. I enjoyed it a lot, but I'd prefer it if you couldn't keep changing you element to your will, by using variables.

I liked this one. Ice for the win.

It would be better if i had to only pick my talent once, but it was still good.

Well written with a good amount of available choices and outcomes. I thoroughly enjoyed the story, especially the details.

This was one of the most well-written storygames I have ever played on this site. It reminds me of the classic Choose Your Own Adventure books, a testament to the professionalism, thought-provocation, and suspense of it. Well done, author!

I enjoyed it a lot, though it is pretty short. Now I must play the sequel!

Erm, my main comment was that this shouldn't be a 7/8 length.. I mean, I think Necromancer was ranked 7/8, and that took me hours to read, where as this only took me maybe one.

Otherwise, not terrible, some of the language at times was odd or downright incorrect, but other than that being a fire mage was enjoyable.

Very cool, I can't wait for part 2 :D

Great writing

Numerous choices with creepy plot!

Nice. Caught a couple spelling mistakes in there, but nothing bad. Great in every way. 7/8

i look forward to many more volumes of this story

Very entertaining. A bit short, but very good.

Its a really good story and i can't wait for part 2

Very well written.

It might just be my path in the story but i found it surprisingly short...

I loive it! I did every element. I can't wait until the next chapter!

pretty good but short

Fun :)

Okay, I Love this story. I have played it a hundred times, and find the characters extremely intersting. but dude, are you ever going to make a new one? its been like 6-7 years. are you dead now? if not, PLEEEAASSEE!!! publish the next episode. PLEASE!

Yay! I lived!

Very good, but I wish we coulda used our magic more than once.

Aww good story but left me wanting more ... Way too short :(

a bit too short

Awww mannnn, i wanted MOREEEE!!!! Good game, very good game!! I enjoyed it immensely, please tell me there's a second part!!!!!!!!!

I loved the type of magic you used in the story and the character was well written, now go finish Part II before i send my own goblins to eat you!

It was fun but a little on the short side.

Good game. I'll now be looking for a continuation... Hopefully there's one out there.

bored doesnt make sense

Cool, but NOT better than Reeses Peanut Butter Cups. Nothing is. Exept more reeses!!!

Confusing, but then again, most fantasy is. 5/8

WAY too short :/

The way Uriel's actions and reactions are described are wonderful, and the plot from here on out has great potential. I eagerly await the continuation of this piece into a series, and hope that this level of quality will remain.

Really good. I like it alot.

Very well written. Thorough descriptions and exciting options!

Was a fun game to get into... ...but thats it. I was just getting into the game! I gave it a 5 due to length, could've easily been an 8 had I gotten deeper into the story. Can't wait for more!!!

Good story but I failed with water, ice and earth, didn't try air, only succeeded with fire might have been the choices I made, don't know.

Great story! A little short, but still good!

Awesome Game! I loved. only thing, is there a list of possible outcomes, or at least could you give a grade on how well you do? that would be awesome. thank you.

Hello, Sir/Mam. I greatly enjoyed this game and hope you make another. my only comment is that I made a seemingly good choice, yet there was nothing I could do to save the day.overall, though, excellent story.

Is the sequel out yet?

It was quite the good RPG. I love a good choose your adventure. And this one was wonderful. Thank you for making it.

Reminds me of the LoneWolf books

Prety fun :D

Its realy good, I wish you had fnished the sequal.

Really interesting story! Please show us the sequel.

This is one of the best stories I've played through, dude it is F***ing epic (appologies for the curse but hey) The story is jsut plain fun.

Try to work on spelling and grammer, it gets pretty bad close to the end. Other than that, really good. The storyline is really catchy and interesting.

not long enough, it felt like the story had only just begun.

Good, but instead of a choose your story it felt more like a story with a single ending and different ways to get there.

I tought that disarming the bad guy was a prudent choice, but I guess I was wrong. Good story :)

I enjoy the story and the writing, but I feel it would be much better if the game play was more advanced and I didn't have to remind the story every other page what my element is. Also, it wasn't as long as I was expecting. If there are still plans for more chapters, I will definitely read them.

One of the best stories I ever came across! I hope to see the next chapter soon!

loved this, keep writing more

I love stuff like this. Very "role playing fantasy". It was a perfect match for what I was looking for. I appreciate the time you took to make it. I hope you make more!

Fun CYOA, hope to play more like it!

Good story whens the second one coming out

epic...

I think it was a wonderful story thus far. I really hope to see more of this story in the future. I do think you should have gone with your original idea though, locking mages into one element throughout the course of the story.

I was just getting into it when it sort of ended pretty abruptly.

Appeared to be a fair amount of branching, which was nice. Good storyline. Somewhat distracted by the misspellings... suggest entering all text in a word processor first.

that was fun~
but, i died. have to try again~

Nice to find a long and good game that isn't linear! Nice work!

it was good i liked it im gonna do the other stories 2

Very nice game. I really liked it.

It was shorter than I expected – maybe because it has “Play Length: 7”. But that’s not really a problem.

In any case I hope some day we’ll see the sequel too. I’m curious about this “princess” and what happened top her…

it is very long and very good at the same time the only thing i dont understand is:why did you kill your own master?

Not bad at all.

amazing could be a raymond e feist book good job can't wait for the second part let me know when you got it up and running

I still love this story. It's one of the best one the site. I wish he'd finish the sequel(s). I see that he did come on in November of 2009, so hopefully not only is he lurking, but writing. Hear that, Karacan?

I liked this game.

A good, well written game.

Very well written. Precise options.

I apparently got a pretty crappy ending, but I'll definitely try again for a better one--interesting and well-written story, that although I initial thought not particularly engaging, proved to be so.

This was the first chooseyourownstory I tried. Except for the occasional spelling or grammar error, the story was fairly well-written. I was easily able to imagine myself as the protagonist. However, I failed in my quest after about fifteen minutes. Hence, I am going to retry the story with a slightly different approach.

The first one I have played at chooseyourstory.com
I died very soon although it let me suppose an interesting plot. The few options I made and the story text written seem very well done. I enjoyed the story and shall play it again soon.
(I don´t have access to wide band)

Kind of short...

Pretty nice and fun story, but can get boring at points and is quite challenging to be considered a "Beginner's Storygame".

Two tries...one death, one "you pretty much suck" ending. Still a GREAT time, and very well written. Now I'm gonna go back and try - again...

Great story, loved how you could pick one of the different elements! But you could always make this a little harder to beat...more death endings!

What a nice adventure!

A bit short but very fun!

BRAVO! Nice work!

Tremendous, non-linear story based, er...story. A lot of the ideas in this story I was planning on using in my sequel to my game Warlords. Glad to see it implemented well in someone else's vision. I eagerly await Magus: Dagger's Night. Please finish it!

simply awesome

Damn great!

it was good but there was some spelling issues

it was a fun game. easy to cheat though and say your a fire person when your actually an earth person

Florid. Bad fantasy. But a good old time.

Number 4? Wtf?
This is the 2nd best game on the site, I say we upvote it

good

Too easy, only died once

It's good

wow i must have chosen the wrong things, fire and adventures! but it ended in about five minutes oh well it was still very well put together!

An excellent tale. Well told, detailed, though a bit broken in terms of the element adepts, but a great story told
Bravo

What a game......

its a 7. definately. the oonly problem is the fact that you made it possible to cheat and use the specializations of all elements. If you fix that, I will give you an 8.

One of the best games i've played

I liked this story a lot - stayed true to the same kind of atmosphere that the old Choose Your Own Adventure books had, whilst offering more choices than most of those books did.

The illustrations were excellent, and although they were of higher quality than the ones in the books I read when I was younger, they (like the text) managed to invoke the same kind of atmosphere I enjoyed back then.

Excellent stuff. :)

Pretty good, I must say. Nice first page art, by the way. Good story, but the ending could have been better.

I had a very good time reading the author's writing skills and playing this amazingly detailed game.

This game is awesome! Ice all the way!

Wow, you have written a great work.

Played again for the first time in a while, this time specializing in fire. This is still one of the best stories on the site. The writing, the choices, the drawings - I love it.

Impressive. Most impressive.

that was great! I won!

Brilliant, but it's a bit too much reading for me, when I just want the action.

Wow! Great game! You are a very talented writer- this is easily the most storylicious game I've played yet.

Very well done, more of this type of game would probably kill me with joy.

Great game, but it seems almost too short.

Ah, fantastic. I want to play the sequel when you make it.

This is an extremely great game. Expecially if you play it fair, you will have tons of fun. Hands down the best classic editor game on here.

Simply fantastic! The only flaw (if you can call it that) is that it was so good that it felt incredibly short - it ended while you were still immersed in it (which is, I guess, a good thing...).

It was pretty good, although I didn't get that far. Obviously a lot of effort has been put into this. Well done.

[speachless].........INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS is how a "choose your own story" book is supposed to be!!

Awesome indeed! Excellently written!

Nice, I won! Did you draw the pictures? This makes me want to write a fantasy story next. Looking forward to the other chapters.

Excellent story, one of the best written on the site, immersive storyline and dialogue.

Wow, I'm amaze. This game is incredible. I love your storyline and I read every word in this game. It was so cool! Thank you for a great game!

It was just a bit...anticlimactic. Nothing actually happened, and it was all over just when you thought it was about to begin.

very fun, interesting and exciting

This is a fantastic game! I like the basic, instead of advanced gameplay, that's just how I role. That's how I played them back in the day, and that's how I play them now. This had a great and large story, with tons of choices and the like, I love it.

variables would make this game the best game on the site. i love the effort you put into this.

Very nice! I only wish it were a bit longer.

Cool!

This game is amazing. It reads more like a novel than just a game. I almost felt as if I were actually there! I look forward to the next installment.

Great game. There needs to be more games like that.
The action and adventure of battling and casting spells was so sweet!

nice story!!

well-written and loved the death message!

Very good. Maybe try having variables or items next time instead of trusting the player. I don't cheat, but lots of people do. It'd be more enjoyabel as well.

AWESOME! I know I said that before, but still, it's AWESOME!!!

Excellent gamebook. Your use of dialog was very good, and your descriptions during combat and throughout other parts of the book were quite good also. I think you should experiment with the Advanced Editor for your next book so you can play around with Items, Health, and maybe even have a Spellbook or certain scrolls. Keep up the good work, and i look forward to the sequel!

AWESOME!!!!!!

Very good. Kept me interested. Very impressive.

This was close to a book it was awesome, pictures and everything, probably one of the most thought out games on the site. Excellent

Excellent death scene!

a really good game must have taken ages a must try

This is an excellent game. Long scenes for all actions. Getting to choose your own magic spell. I would suggest being a mage of fire. There is one link where if you don't have it you don't continue the battle. Overall a good game. I'm glad you're making a sequeal. Can't wait for it.

Wow, brilliant story! I enjoy reading material written by someone with such a great command over english as you do. So many choices is a huge plus, and elemental class system was unique and interesting. The only downside was it was a bit short! I want to read more!

This was VERY good. Everyone always says, "That's great!" in the comments, but it really does apply here. Balanced choices that let you decide HOW the story unfolds, not just weather it continues or not.

Thank you for a great read. Now I have to try it with each specialty.

Oh... my... God. That... was... amazing. Please finisht eh "Tides of War" gmae. You just can't leave me hanging like that.

this game is so good i completed it with all the players its really good i think you should have anouther wed and that top game cos its so good

cool. very short for a rating 6 though.

I really enjoyed this one. I think there is away to lock out links, such as choosing air when your a fire specialist. Its still a cool story. Very choose-your-own adventure-esque. A+

needed to be longer and have more pics

I don't really get the story. I just like the fighting part that's all.

i thought this was a great choose your own adventure style story. it was involving and very well written. the story was excellent and the whole thing flowed really well.

good game. a bit corny, but good.

That game was the... BEST GAME I EVER PLAYED!

This was good. It seemed had a whole lot for us to read though.

I stand corrected. I didn't play this game until well after I played "The Wal*Mart Game." At that time, it was the best game I had found on the site and, terrably mistaked, called that the best game on the site. THIS GAME RULES THEM ALL! There is so much good to be said about this game, I haven't the time to say it all! Why didn't you get the $100 prize! Had I the resources, I'd give you $10,000! Pleese finish your next game, "Space Is Cold..."! I can't wait to play it... That is, after I play this about a thousand more times.

I WON!!!!!

Awwww...... I lost! Oh well I was gonna give up anyway. But it was still FUN!

good game! good game!

very good cant wait till the second

Not Bad...........although I used link jumping.....

not bad at all!For a game,I mean.

Very very cool read. This is the best one on this site!!!

I thourghly enjoyed this game and anxiously await the next chapter

Ok, one word...KIK ASS MAN!!!!!!!!!!! ohh and by the way...is coldness of space the next chapter?

This game is awesome I saw all the good comments on it compared to most games, and thought is this game really that good, It is. It is so good it could be a published book. The time and creativity put into it is awesome. I look forward to any other games your making. I would love to play space is cold or a sequel to this game.

Awesome story!

Superb!

A great yarn! I enjoyed unraveling it, and may come back to try it out different ways. You might want to run a spell check on the next installment, but otherwise it was very inventive and I like the variety of interesting choices.

An excellent story. I have read through many of the stories here and have found none better written or more fully thought out. I am an avid reader of fantasy and I find Magus: Betrayal to be poignant, exciting, and well on par with any novels out there today. Great work. I am impressed!

Sheesh! This was cooooolll! But, it was kinda boring.

kewls

wow that was real exiting,,cough wtf noone? maybe none or noon but noone? over all this was well writen but was like of those books that only has a few good parts. If this game was all good aprt then it would be top 5 otherwise 2 borin<br><br>good game any way<br><br><br>The first pic in the game the bald guy..is he the player!

Awesome story, dude. Can't wait to play the next installment.

it was very interesting!

Much better this time. Very cool.

That was the most amazing text-based game that I have ever played! Time for another go!

a good magical quest. no offense, but you have tons of pages and links, its just that you can win easily on almost any link.

I beat it, but for some reason i am unimpressed. Dont get me wrong, its a great game, i just got bored with the long stories. Other than that, a very cool and entertaining game.

WOH! Played every option, read the game 100% through, and believe me it took a while. This is a game of epic proportions, a virtual Fantasy Masterpiece! Congratulations on a Game well made!

Wow, I'm thinking this is definately one of the best games here on the site! Very well written and captivating plot. I hope you stick around here Mr. Karacan.

This game rules! Its clear that you have put a lot of effrt and thought intothe game, and the choices really made me think. Hurry up and finsh it, and you will conquer this ctergorey with no trouble

WOW! Keep up the good work, this game is going to be a masterpiece