Player Comments on Making Bacon Pancakes

Look, I'm going to be honest, the 'wake up in the morning and meander around while random things happen' genre is tied right up there with the wolf sims for me as far as stories I absolutely detest go. The writing was actually really decent in this one so you get a pass, I'm just hoping you focus on something with a little more plot to it next time, because you do have the talent for it.
-- mizal on 4/16/2016 11:36:43 PM
Not bad for a story of the Random-stuff-happens genre and interestingly it seemed to take itself a bit more seriously than most of these :) Your writing style is good but I'd suggest a stronger plot or hook to draw the reader in if you want to move your stories up out of the 5-minutes-of-mildly-amusing-distraction category :D This fell in the not bad but not great area 4/8 area for me :)
In these stories humor is key so if you feel tempted to write another story like this again one thing you might want to do is brainstorm or gather from various sources (which when I do it for my stories I like to think of as research not plagarism...) a long list of jokes, one-liners or funny choices and get as many into the story as possible. :)
-- Will11 on 4/16/2016 6:15:59 PM
Great adventure!!!
-- Seth on 2/16/2018 4:09:39 PM
This is very illogical and short. It made my day worse and not better.
-- Jreesebot on 2/16/2018 2:29:47 PM
dude, this is the best thing i have ever seen, *hulk smashes through the door*
-- nick on 2/14/2018 2:21:35 PM
How does a butter knife cut you?
-- pygmypuff on 2/4/2018 11:35:46 AM
I'm just going to get right into it...
First, I don't wear a watch, but I don't think it would be so comfy to sleep with it on. Second, I wouldn't sprint across my small kitchen just to grab a knife. I also stab my hand with it, but instead of thinking, "Crap, my hand!" I think, "Crap, my blood is getting into the pancakes!" Also, when the guy breaks into my house, I throw a butter knife at him? Yeah, that will definitely make him leave! No. When I wake up in the hospital it has no mention about the fire, the cut hand from an extremely sharp butter knife, or the man who broke into my home. One ending gives me a nurse saying, "We found your pancake batter, and it tasted great!" First of all, who eats pancake batter while saving a life, and second of all, it was filled my blood! Why would she eat that?! Another thing is when my house is burning down, and I stay inside the house. Who needs to evacuate? And when the firefighters show up, they can clearly see the house burning down behind me, yet they still ask, "Where's the fire?"
Overall, while trying to make it fun you just made it completely illogical and I didn't enjoy it because I am a person who likes things that make sense.
If you tried to make it better, and did, it would have a much higher rating.
-- parislover on 1/11/2018 5:19:24 PM
stay the hell away from this game...
-- Saint_999 on 9/27/2017 7:37:11 AM
Yeah, i'll be honest, this is one of those lolrandom stories that make me hate myself when I actually find them funny.

I thought the plot needed a lot of work, since it's quite boring, or at least in my opinion. The writing was ok, but the situations made it feel like a kid wrote it.

Despite me disliking the plot in general, I did enjoy this to kill a few minutes, but I feel like that was also the amount of time spent writing this very short story.

I'll just make a quick list of what this story needs.
-More Detail
-Better Plot Development
-More Character Development
-Less randomness

I'll give this a 3/8.
-- MinnieKing on 3/12/2017 7:57:03 PM
Fine enough...

Entertained me enough to make me hungry for breakfast.

Your grammar is "perfecto", and the randomness was done in a humorous way that I like.

In short, pretty good. 5/8.
-- AgentX on 2/22/2017 8:23:52 AM
I don't know what is with this type of story game on CYS. It seems that the genre of totally random and mildly/extremely illogical endings has taken over. This is one of those. It's on the better side, because the actual writing is decent, but what actually happens is quite mundane. You spend about 5 minutes of your life making bacon pancakes, which ultimately ends with failure. Personally, some more plot or interesting events would really spice this up.

But the Adventure Time reference is real!
-- WizzyCat on 2/16/2017 7:51:02 PM
This storygame wasn't bad for one of its ilk, which I tend to despise. At the very least it had a proper plot, decisions that matter and was written with no errors. I just think it lacked oomph to really stand out on this website.

I think that the number of paths fits this sort of story well, but perhaps there could have been more detail, as detailed as this was for a "get out of bed and make breakfast game". Again, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't that great either.
-- 31TeV on 11/16/2016 9:23:24 AM
Actually, I kinda prefer waffles to pancakes. This game sucks because of that.
-- obnoxious on 9/19/2016 10:21:38 PM
I was satisfied with the unsatisfactory ending.
-- RimC on 9/17/2016 5:50:33 PM
I actually had a great time taking that quiz I don't know why, but it was really funny to me, to me the funniest part was reading "PERSON TRIES TO MAKE PANCAKES, it reads, BUT PASSES OUT."??
-- CresentRose204 on 8/12/2016 4:49:26 PM
I liked this story because I like bacon pancakes. 4/8
-- Cocoabeans on 6/16/2016 10:48:31 AM
Im an alcohol

not much different then irl

9/10 bc i don't like bacon
-- SmallPotatoes on 6/14/2016 9:30:12 PM
The idea is interesting, although it was so short I counted EVERY slide in the entire game, a grand total of 15.
The three endings are:
The good ending
The alcoholic ending
The dying ending
-- Battalion on 6/14/2016 4:08:21 PM
Very Creative and funny, liked the "Go Hulk" part, this was actually and surprisingly better than I expected it to be. Good Job. I know it might not seem like much, but I give a 2/8.
-- RedofPalletTown on 5/10/2016 12:26:52 PM
Yummy, pancakes! Definitely worth reading; I can tell you put a lot of thought into this story. Excellent work!
-- johnkoehler on 5/8/2016 5:28:21 PM
I was like "fuck it" and go hulk and smash through the door. Got the unsatisfactory ending. Short and good enough humor.

I rate this 3/8 though. Sorry, but it deserves that mostly of its length.
-- Raven47 on 5/5/2016 7:10:09 PM
?making pancakes, making bacon pancakes?
-- whoyougonnacall on 5/3/2016 11:30:28 PM
Short and sweet!
-- bisesto on 5/3/2016 8:46:42 AM
Hurrah! I got pancakes!
-- ThatOneAuthorGirl on 5/1/2016 8:56:19 PM
Well you can't always say, "you decide" or "you make a quick choice".

It's more interesting if you do something like this:

You look at the decorations enviously.

steal the flowers

steal the stones

or: She glares at you. you open your mouth and shout-

"How dare you!"

"You'll regret it!"

also the spaces were where the links were
-- Honeydusk842 on 4/30/2016 8:58:53 PM
To the commenters:

Thank you so much for commenting on this story! I highly appreciate all the tips and tricks you all gave me. Thanks so much! Make sure to reccomend this story to your friends so I can get more advice with how to make my story better.

The author
-- At_Your_Throat on 4/29/2016 5:31:05 PM
This was so derpy and random, but is genuinely enjoyable.
-- ScrubLord on 4/28/2016 12:41:36 PM
-- thebigE on 4/23/2016 9:49:16 PM
Love the option of going Hulk and smash the door. Cute short story.
-- Hella_Jude on 4/20/2016 4:26:14 PM
...did you get the title from Adventure Time?

You're making me want to pull up that song on youtube now.
-- mattstat716 on 4/18/2016 8:45:47 AM
Not bad.
-- MasonJarGuzzi on 4/16/2016 9:15:45 PM
Not a bad little game, but I'm not much of a fan of the whole "lolsorandom" genre. I'm excited to see what else you can do.
-- Malkalack on 4/16/2016 8:36:39 PM
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