Player Comments on Marvel Universe: Fallen

First of all, I noticed many grammatical errors. You capitalized some parts where it isn't even necessary. There was a lack of detail, and proper punctuation.

The plot structure was quite weak, and also your character development skills in the book. It wasn't that long, and the book seemed to be rushed.

I noticed that you wrote the book in a play-form, which disappointed me a little bit. I mean, you can't really express the character's emotions by writing in play-script. For example, in play-script when someone is suffering from crippling depression, you just write it like this: (Bob sighs and places his head in his lap). In the actual book script you can write it like this: "Why is fate always so unlucky for me?" Bob sighed as he glanced out at the downpour of rain outside. He felt a twinge of anger in his heart, and pure sadness, etc.

There is always room for improvement, and you can certainly try better than this; I believe in you. A touch of humour would be quite nice, and the little touch of romance was well placed. I wish that you just developed their feelings a bit better.

If you plan to make a part two, please add more details, make the story longer, develop the plot and don't rush it, don't write it in playscript and try not to make any grammatical errors, and I assure you that you will get a higher rating than you received on this one.

4/8. Certainly not the worst, but not the best either.
-- DiniTheWizard on 11/8/2017 10:00:21 PM
Loved the game??
-- Cameron on 11/17/2017 1:12:54 AM
Sorry, but this wasn't very impressive... Well, practice makes perfect, so keep up with it.
-- Griseo on 11/5/2017 4:21:45 PM
Not bad, not bad. (impressed smile).
-- Monkeyking16 on 11/2/2017 11:51:53 PM
please make the next one civil war sounds awesome
-- AurondragonTyr on 10/12/2017 2:43:28 AM
Hope the next one is even better
-- mwatson_54 on 9/15/2017 10:47:09 AM
I did a quick google search on the main character. It's Maximoff, not Maxamoff. You misspelt the name of the protagonist.

There's a part where the protagonist tries to formulate a plan, and Captain America just turns to him and says, "No, kid, we're just going to rush in blind. We're not even going to think of a plan." He wasn't being sarcastic, either. That made me laugh.
-- Saika on 8/2/2017 5:42:52 AM
I thought it very shallow. I was not impressed with the ending, THANOS DOES NOT USE GUNS. And the love relationship with the character and Carol was shallow as well.
-- Baylee on 10/13/2016 9:18:33 PM
Person below me. You are obviously simply a movie goer, not a comic book reader. This is why I hate movies that skrew up the story lines. Next time you try to criticize, know what you're talking about (Ps: Magneto is SW and QS's dad)
-- Xanaktor on 6/13/2016 3:40:06 PM
How is Magneto your grandfather? And why did you say Ultron was built by Ant-man?
-- MasonJarGuzzi on 5/24/2016 12:39:52 AM
Well that was interesting.
Couple issues with it, but I genuinely found it mildly entertaining. It's at least more fun than doing Homework, that's for sure.
-- mattstat716 on 5/6/2016 11:26:54 AM
Improper grammar, short pages, much room for improvement. However, you do have some good writing ideals. I still enjoyed it, but I think it was a little undone by it's mistakes.
-- ScrubLord on 4/29/2016 2:24:37 AM
Okay,certainly not quite as exciting as I`d expect from a Marvel RP story.
-- RobertAntoniusH on 4/28/2016 7:17:47 AM
Why can't there be a female character? There's obviously female superheroes. You could just say him/her for the character
-- Bailee on 4/27/2016 10:25:37 PM
What in fuck?
-- CurseOfTime on 4/27/2016 7:51:55 PM
There is a definite room for improvement however. Some background and exposition to the story would of done well in certain parts. The only reason I wasn't truly totally lost is because I watched the odd superhero movie here and there.

I would reay like to see you improve further as a writer, I can see allot of potential.
-- TharaApples on 4/26/2016 11:42:54 AM
This was actually a fun little story, I hope that you continue this! :)
-- TharaApples on 4/26/2016 11:38:20 AM
It's cute, although not much of a story or a game.
-- betaband on 4/24/2016 4:07:50 PM
easy and short... i mean, i like the story line but you could've tried harder, put more effort into it.
-- thebigE on 4/23/2016 7:02:01 PM
Ehhhh.

First problem is, it's...not the most involving or descriptive story. The character isn't much of a character, the story just says they're joining the team and then jumps straight into the action without letting us know anything about them at all. (other than they're the fanficcy, probably self insert offspring of Vision and Scarlet Witch, which...eh, no comment.)

Second issue is that weird script format the story randomly switches to. I don't want to be completely critical because I'm sure you did put some effort into this and you do have a basic idea for a plot, but it the whole thing just seems very rushed.
-- mizal on 4/22/2016 5:05:27 PM
Ah Marvel... will the Fan Fictions and adaptations never end? :) I like this because you made a genuine effort which puts this story ahead of most of the other stories submitted in the last few days. There are some obvious drawbacks in the writing though.
You should not write in a script format because if you read a book you will find that is not how authors write, in comics it is a little different because the picture makes it clear who is speaking but if you are going to take that approach you would need to put your own drawings on this site. It can be done but it takes a lot of time (see Avery M: Dead Man's Journal for example).
Mostly it was free from spelling errors but the plot was rushed and went straight to the action. While that's ok for a movie where the big bangs and special effects are basically what teenagers pay for in a story that doesn't translate very effectively and though you spent some time building up your characters, giving them dialogue etc I think you could have had more of a plot arc that might have made things more clear for people like me who have little to no knowledge of the Marvel Universe (out of your Avengers Team the only names I recognise are Captain America, Iron Man and Spider Man).
That said this isn't a bad game at all but it can certainly be improved and made the basis for a good game. I'm not sure if there is enough material here to justify a sequel but if you are making a sequel I'd recommend taking some time to really branch the story out in different directions - writing is like everything: the longer you spend on it the better it is likely to be :)
-- Will11 on 4/21/2016 10:47:53 PM
Thank you everyone, for the good and bad comments. It's helping me build the sequel.
-- Xanaktor on 4/21/2016 8:33:42 PM
At least you made an attempt.
-- MasonJarGuzzi on 4/21/2016 8:20:02 PM
This is a story. Not a script. Please write accordingly.
-- Kiel_Farren on 4/21/2016 8:07:36 PM
good
-- corgi213 on 4/21/2016 8:00:59 PM
Thanks for the feedback. I'm having some people at the Marvel Heroes Forum sites check this out, but I'll correct this error soon. :D

PS: This feels rushed, but it wasnt. The next one is going to be amazing... I promise that much.
-- Xanaktor on 4/21/2016 6:54:40 PM
It's O.K. One thing that really bothered me though is that when your use of density. If you increased your density you would actually become heavier and harder, and if you lowered your density you'd become lighter and phase-through. In the game, you have it the other way around, so when I thought I was phasing through something I was actually punching it.
-- swedishlemon on 4/21/2016 6:38:33 PM
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