Player Comments on Matt's Cruise

I like the setup for this story. The first page is interesting and really gets you moving and into the story. This is an emergency and time is of the essence! I like that there were options on the first page, but I’m not really sure how many married men are actually going to choose any option that has him going on a cruise without his wife. I mean, sure, if their marriage was on the rocks or something, but then I didn’t get that impression from the first page and if that were the case I wonder if he wouldn’t have just booked the cruise for himself in the first place.

However, after the first page, this one really went downhill. Beyond that page, most of the options appeared to be of the type where you have to select the “right” choice or the story ends. This story really does have a lot of potential and could be expanded into a much longer and much better story. I think there could be more descriptions of the different choices and different results. Instead, all of the endings seemed a bit rushed. After all, I went to check my bags and then suddenly had a heart attack? I eat some ice cream and end up cutting a guy’s hand off? (Sorry if I included spoilers for you there).

Overall, this is a good effort and has great potential. The idea here could really be developed more and the endings could be expanded quite a bit. Thank you for sharing this with the site.

This makes me wonder if the vacation is as bad as the dream one.

Well, it was all a dream???!

It probably would have been more fun if I actualy went on the Cruise XDD.

Short but sweet.

In the story, I had a dream that I'm late for my work flight, my wife's missing and I left a note, she called me because she was helping a woman who fell off her bed, I went to the airport without her, my plane crashed, and then I realized it was just a dream.
Stupid.

That was dumb. It was also pretty short.

Not the best but certainly not the worst. Its just ok for me.

Rubbish. Ill conceived premise and poorly executed.

The story line made little since to me and ,cut your hand off?!?! Sereiously?

I felt like a giant hand was falling from the sky periodically and smacking me into the next event, all for the game to tell me "oh lol it's all just a dream".

Remember all those choices you made? yea those don't matter at all because it was all a dream. Those plots just aggravate the reader.

....
....
Why does what I eat for supper kill me?

Gah! I hate these types of endings XD
Otherwise, good grammar is commendable, though I'd rather have it longer and have more defined characters.

Good for a first but I still think it's short.

I don't understand...

It's an okay story, I get it's short and not supposed to be long and drawn out. But I couldn't relate to the characters, nor was was there tension at all.

Conflict is important, something to draw people in and keep em'in.