Player Comments on My Life as a Magician
Where to begin?
The spacing could have certainly been better. I felt like each page just had a large block of writing on it, and it would have been better if you'd spaced it out into multiple paragraphs insead of one chunk.
Playing from the perspective of a magician was rather interesting, and it made for a creative piece of writing.
You certainly could have added more detail to the story, and the lack of detail produced a not poorly fleshed out story. I also felt like the situations were rather linear and unrealistic.
There was a small amount of character development here, but not a lot. The small amount sorta made me want more of it, and the storygame failed to deliver.
You could have done a better job with the setting, because I don't know a lot about it other then it's a school.
Descriptive writing is always key, remember! :)
on 3/19/2017 7:10:08 PM
Awesome! Plot, some sort of drive (normal school obligations, etc), personality (for some), and pretty good grammar.
However, the paragraphs were bothering me. Please break them down by dialogue at least, as it's more normal and easier to read that way. Another thing is more background on each character, especially the protagonist and Headmaster. There could also be more description on the school.
I really liked how the protagonist could have an "attitude", but it was either hot-headed or cowardly/obedient. The consistency with page links is something I don't see often, especially when you don't die if you pick something "wrong".
This is a decent story and game! Keep up the good work!
on 12/2/2016 4:56:08 PM
Not bad :)
The only suggestions I would make would be to break it up a little more with paragraphs and to give the reader a little more info on the Headmaster, before the encounter/run in to make the choices seem more logical. Other than that, really good game!
on 10/9/2013 1:16:49 PM
I like the idea of the story being told but I have some pretty heavy criticism in a few areas.
Summarized:My main issue was the pacing of the story with most of it being too fast and non descriptive. Also, for me the dialogue between characters was meh. It didn't really feel like people having a conversation, just means to move the plot. Lastly as others have mentioned try to block your paragraphs in more manageable chunks, for lack of better phrasing.
What I did enjoy was the inner dialogue of the character as well as the different endings. It felt like there was a clear idea of what the different end results were going to be and finding out the best options was fun!
To the author, if you improve in a few areas I think this would be a short and fun story. I hope to see more stories from you in the future!
-- Moogle_Knight on 7/30/2017 4:13:39 PM
It was waaaaaaaaaaay to short, it had a great story but it just ended out of no where just when I was getting hooked, it was dis
-- Terrwyn on 7/18/2017 8:23:05 PM
-- Kate on 5/23/2016 5:33:08 PM
I'm actually a street magician myself and I appreciate someone writing a story about a magicians perspective, but I've gotta say a lot of the stuff isn't that accurate, but since this is a story I'll just review how enjoyable it was and with that I'll say it was about average. 4/8 for me.
on 6/30/2015 10:26:37 PM
This was a good story but it could be better if more was explained about you background and the setting.
-- Jordi P on 2/26/2015 12:05:54 PM
I often died for no reason, and it was quite boring. It definitely has potential to be a better story though.
on 10/13/2013 7:34:06 PM
Interesting enough, but there was no exposition at all (what is this place? who am I? Why am I a magician?)
on 10/10/2013 6:22:03 AM
This was a really good story I like it.
-- Deena Morgan on 10/9/2013 10:51:10 AM