Player Comments on OUTBREAK: Chapter 1

This had a lot of flaws.

First of all, there was the constant swearing, and it felt as if you used words like "fuck," and "ass," more then any other words in the whole story. It feels like there was an attempt to make it feel mature, but that attempt failed in my opinion.

It was a pretty cliche zombie story, and a more original plot might be necassary. You could still write about zombies, but this feels like the same old zombie story i've seen a hundred times.

Multiple spelling errors appeared throughout the story, but this can be easily fixed with proofreading.

I didn't notice much emotion other then anger, which is mainly only there due to the swearing every sentence.

Overall, the writing is not exactly bad, but it needs some work and more character development.

I'll give it a 2/8, don't rush and word hard please :)

I enjoyed it. It's pretty good compared to some of the terrible stuff being put out. It was enjoyable, and a very good start to what could be a long writing career.
I think you shouldn't have published it, though. Not because it's not good, but because quite frankly it's unfinished. A lot of people create Chapter 1's of stories that they never finish, leaving the reader unsatisfied. I know there's always a rush to put out what you've created, God knows I've rushed through the ends of games, but I think you just need to hold tough and keep working. Now, if a game is reached the length of 7/8 or 8/8, then I understand a need to break it up, but if it's shorter, it can stick together.
Anyway, good work, I enjoyed it and think it's a great first work from what could be a great author. 5/8

It was okay, I guess. Like a lot of stories it is plagued with linearity, and also like a lot of stories, the author gives the illusion of choice when in reality a lot of the choices were either continue the story or die, and/or they had no affect on the story's direction. This defeats the purpose of interactive fiction, which is supposed to encourage mutliple, sprawling branches of storytelling. The characters are shallow and flat, and cliche (the average-joe protaganist, the idiot ladies-man, the nerd who they occasionally sacrifice, really this was the best you could come up with?). I did not care for them much, at all. I also wish I got to see life before the outbreak.

That said, the story was kind of humorous and I liked that, though at times the humor seemed kinda forced, like the usage of 'nigga' which CAN be funny in certain contexts, this was not one of them however. This story was also fairly well-written, though I did notice some typos here and there.

So if you want my advice, I suggest you unpublish this story. Instead of writing a chapter 2, you make this story have multiple, diverse endings, and more depth, especially to the plot and characters. 3/8

I-...Its not a bad premise, some gramatical issues that can be overlooked. The thing, as many others said, is the blatant outright swearing, that even sometimes feels out of place. No I'm not one of those people who is purely against swearing, I do it myself, but there comes a time where saying fuck 3 times doesn't make all of life's trouble go away. But, hey, I was exaggerating a bit :P
Keep up the good effort, hope to see some more!

I actually got to the end! Can't wait for Chapter 2.

Needs more tho Pls make the second chapter already!!

"Bret might have escaped, but you didn't, and you died. So na na na na boo boo, stick your head in doo doo. Get pwned."

Well, that's an ending you don't see every day.

Great!

It was good except for a few typos but overall it was good

make more

This was an "okay" story. There were multiple grammatical and spelling errors. It would also help if you would include a little more detail. Good job though.

5/8

I think you did really well for your first story. It could be longer and needs to be edited though. It was a good story though. Definitely a good start and with work could be really great.

Awesome. Make more

The story was simple, and quick to the point. While I do enjoy stories with lots of content, I prefer a simpler story such as this one

It's a good start, as I am always in for a good Zombie Apocalypse story. In my humble opinion, I find that the overuse of curse words, and slang like "nigga" - even in jest - tends to cheapen a good story. Even though it is not meant in a derogatory sense, such language takes away from the mood and focus of the story, and puts a silly tone to it. This is however a good and feisty little jaunt and I do look forward to following your work.

I think you meant "liability" instead of reliability when you described Brett and yeah, if you could stick to either first or third person instead of switching between the 2, that would be great. Other than that it was a nice game and i can't wait to read more.

pretty cool.good game.

You shouldn't keep switching to first person and then back again. Otherwise I liked this

cant wait to see how this story will turnout keep writing

Pretty good, I mean keep trying, and can I see your comic, I mean, it has to be good

Well written, loved that character names weren't things like bob (huge +).
Was a bit disappointed that I couldn't become a
*SPOILER*
bus pirate
"Gun trumps pencil any day, you bus pirate."

Hoping that in the future *SPOILER* the pencil becomes something epic, but as above a gun would be better. xD

Also you might want to consider having all the next parts put into one storygame. Just something I have seen mentioned often as something writers should do unless the story is really long.
However it seems like you already planned this, so feel free to disregard this last part, just don't get discouraged if people complain about it ending without REALLY ending.

Overall, surprisingly good and I will be reading the second part when it comes out. :D

So have fun and good luck!