Player Comments on Reanimation 2

Not bad, certainly not the worst. Very much better than the first one.

The biggest problem in your last one was most likely the random deaths, but it seems you've got that covered here. The deaths are a lot better explained, and it isn't like every second choice you make leads to death. And that's great. Although the deaths are a bit cleaned up, they are still a problem, but now a minor one. An example we could see of this would be when Frank gets mauled by the Behemoth, there was only one good choice... out of, about, five I believe. You could've polished that up a bit and made some more branches, leading to some more choices/deaths/endings... as in good endings, non-death ones.

Another thing I liked about this storygame was the items usage, how you could use a knife or gun. They don't have pictures, however, which is something you could add onto. Also, and forgive me if I'm wrong, but at several points in the storygame, it gives you the choice of "If you don't have enough ammo, do this," or it may imply that you could lose or not have enough ammo, like if you use your knife, for instance, it would say "Right, use your knife, that way you won't waste any ammo,". I played this entire storygame and actually got two endings, but I never really reached a point where I lost ammo before! Maybe I've just not played the entire thing to its full extent, but I really don't think you can ever loose ammo. If it is the case that you can loose ammo, telling the reader how much of the stuff they have would be a great thing.

In many more ways than one, this was a lot better than your first one. The plot idea was new, of you being in a team of mercenaries. Personally, I liked Reanimation Part 1's plot better, but still, this was the obvious winner between the to. The way you reshaped it from Part 1 was the best part about it.

Unlike a lot of storygames I've played, this didn't have a lot of problems that I thought it would have from the first one, or general problems that a lot of people would usually have. There are only some minor problems I could tell you, but even then those don't really distract the reader or make this story less engaging. I would suggest to maybe add more text to the pages. You detail and description almost all the pages,... except for the ones you died. Usually the "You Died" pages consist of only 1-2 words, which shouldn't be considering the amount of description that are on the pages when you are alive. Adding some more sentences would be better.

Another thing would be sort of-ish the logistics of the story, these are things that kind of lack logic and maybe sort of random. Some finer revisions would clear this up. My first example would be the two distinctive paths you reach, at the point where you can either look for the Behemoth, look for Hank or look for the bionic weapon. If you choose the bionic weapon path, you eventually find Hank, and if you take his grenade, you get the Selfish ending? If you go back and throw it, the Behemoth somehow lives and kills you, where as if you don't back up you kill him to get the Selfish ending? Keep in mind that these choices are exactly the same with the Look-For-Hank path. However, when you grab his grenade, you somehow get a Heroic ending. I would suggest you clear this up with some revisions, and also, make the respective paths unique!

Going with this, were sometimes the choices. One particular event that crossed my mind would be when you learn where the Behemoth's Reanimator is. But it doesn't tell you, and you are basically just clicking links down the list until you get it.

There were some grammatical errors. Nothing too big or eye-catching, just mispelled words. Also, (and this occurs sometimes a lot in your stories) the perspective changes around a lot. One minute its third-person, and the narrator refers to you as, well, "You". Then, in the next page, its first-person, the narrator is you, and you refer to yourself as "I". And then it jumps back.

This story, overall, was great! The plot was pretty interesting, and like many, I really did enjoy it. Nothing I've seen so far. I just think you should go back, make some final revisions and also proofread it, and you should be set for a great story!

5/8. Not the best, not the worst. Very fun.

I FINALLY GOT THE CHUCK NORRIS ENDING!!!! AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWW YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!

It's very difficult

In case of behemoth,call Chuck Norris.

Very good story, however, grammar and spelling could be improved.

I got the sacrificial ending again! I much preferred this one to the first Reanimation story. It was a lot more detailed, and I liked the fact I could use items to shoot the Behemoth.

very good improvement upon the first one

I feel like there could have been more choices that didn't lead to immediate death. Also when you do die the explanations were very short. I loved the general storyline though!

Not bad, short though

Not bad, I got the "Chuck Norris Ending", although I don't see what a film star has to do with it.

All around great! :D

Chuck norris ending!WOOOOO!.......great story......

It was okay, I guess.

Much better then the first one (although not as good as the homo perfectus stories). Good job!

Not bad. But the behemoth is never mentioned in Renimation 1.

Awesome

There is no rhyme or reason as to why you die on one choice and live on another choice. Moreover, one particular choice tree leaves you dead no matter what you do, even if you go back. Story needs to be edited to fix these problems.

as I know all the story, seems like Isaac becomes Hyper in the late series of Homo Perfectus (6)

I like how it went of a selfish ending.

This was enjoyable but far far too many instant deaths, I know a game like this has to have some but there were pages with 3 or 4 links and all but 1 lead to instant death.

good good

Definitely better than the original. Very well written. :)

More of a story than a game. No branching storylines, and most choices led to "you're dead" pages.

muuuuch better

It was fun, but it lacked alot of options

Cool

Better than Reanimation

Way better than first part; unluckly I died after having objection from the plan.

i got the heroic ending

really good. would have been better if you could save. 6/8

Better than reanimator

CHUCK NORRIS ENDING!!!!!

bit to linear towards the end

much better than the first

Nice! I got the heroic ending this time.

its cool

Good game. I didn`t want to die selfishly

Great though short

selfish ending. pretty good thnough

kalun approves.

I died... a lot :P and I loved it!

"We need to hire a team to face the biggest threat Humanity has ever encountered."
"We'll need to give them some top-notch weapons then, huh?"
"Please, that would be too expensive. Give them handguns instead!"

Lol, in all seriousness though, that was a very good game. I got the selfish ending.
Bo approves.

Good , only suggestion I can think of is pictures? . Everything else is great . Oh and there is a little bit of randomness . I didn't have a clue what floor to go to or what room to go in.

hahahahaha

@JJJ Ironically, after your comments, I've been noticing Logitech brands EVERYWHERE. Even on the mouse I was using when I wrote the story. XD

It is SO refreshing to see an author open to constructive criticism! I'm always here for any questions you might have :)

@JJJ.
This is a continuation from my comment below.
9. Running to the elevator? Yes, that was a complete guess, but you could make a logical decision in regards to what floor to go to.
10. Heh, you got me there.
11. I can't read the rest of the comment but I suspect you are asking me why you couldn't have randomly continued to shoot Subject zero until he died, well for one thing, you had very limited ammo and if the heart was in one of the shoulder, you couldn't know of any logical place for the brain to be at and so, chances you would actually kill him were very slim, additionally, you only had a few seconds before he woke up so I'm not even sure you could have used all of your bullets. But having that an option that lead to certain death could have been a good idea.

@JJJ
1. I didn't know that Logitech was an actual company, I pretty much just improvised a name in a hurry but you are right, I should have checked.
2.When it said "I", it was stating Isaac's current thoughts but when it said "you" it was just explaining the current situation. I thought it could be an original idea but I guess I should have made that more clear.
3. I didn't understand how until just recently.
4. Thank you for pointing that out, I'l try to fix that.
5. That was a very poor way for me to end that branch.
6. You all are supposed to have one grenade, but since there was only one opportunity to use it, and you had to use it then, I decided not to include it in the inventory.
7. I never thought about that.
8. That was a way for me to have the talk with the crazy guy (who addresses the monster as the Behemoth) be useful.
Continue in next comment-

READ THE BOTTOM COMMENT FIRST AND WORK YOUR WAY TO THIS, THE FINAL COMMENT

After all of that, I still gave the story a 4. You have potential and it's better than most stories but this felt rushed and incomplete. Focus on creating a good STORY and then install game components. Please play the top stories on the site for an idea of what a good story actually looks like.

6. [Minor] At one point, I bust out some explosives that I never had. How?

7. [Medium] A pretty serious plot hole is the fact that a team of so few members are sent in to handle such a huge catastrophe. You need to explain why that is, in the story.

8. [Minor] The password thing was really lame. I'm supposed to believe that A) The scientists in charge of such a crazy scheme put such an easy password on it and B) I guessed behemoth out of how many synonyms?

9. [Medium] Avoid places where the user has to randomly guess options (sneak to stairs, run to stairs, sneak to elevator, run to elevator and then floors 2,3,4,5 or whatever) because we have no way to know what will work and it's boring.

10. [Minor] Why was my radio dependent on a generator?

11. [Minor] When Subject Zero got shot down the first time, I had the option to run away but why could I just pepper him with bullets until I

2. [Very Major] Your tenses were really fucked up. Throughout the story we were address in the second tense sometimes, but more often than not, it was an address as "we" or "I". This was SUPER confusing and destroys immersion. Also, you flipped back and forth between omniscient and limited perspectives.

3. [Very Minor] Get item images so we aren't shooting people with paper bags!

4. [Major] Your story featured many fragmented sentences, mis-spelled words, and various other grammatical errors. You need to use a spell-checker and definitely invest some time in serious editing run-throughs.

5. [Minor] It's very unrealistic to have a mercenary kill another merc who's arguing with the plan before even entering the compound. I could have been fired, sure, but killed is dumb.

Bare with me here because I'll explain why but I actually think that this is worse than the first one. There are eleven reasons why. Some of them are small, but together they make for a seriously flawed adventure. Before I reveal them all, I'll just mention that they can all be fixed by two simple techniques. First and foremost, you need to edit your story. The prose was not very good (I'll explain more later). Secondly, you need to develop your story. Instead of determining character motivation and creating a naturally flowing story, you instead tried to manipulate outside variables (like the generator) and it makes the story feel contrived. Anyway, without further ado, here are the eleven problems:

1. [Very Minor] Logitech is a real electronics company. It's unrealistic to tell us that they're randomly hiring scientists to create immortality.

@ugilick Yes, well, I am rather stubborn and when I read the comments on the first game all these ideas on how to make it better came to my mind, besides, I wanted to become better at the advanced system for future games and that day just happened to be a day-off, so I just decided to make this one.

That was better than the first one so i gave it a pretty good score. I already said this but you work pretty fast. I'm difinitly looking forward to more stuff from you.