Player Comments on Santiago's Choose Your Own Path

Let's see.

Author joined today? Check.

Wrote maybe the equivalent of three paragraphs? Check.

Couldn't be bothered to proofread even that little bit? Check.

Yep, I'd say this meets all the criteria for a one start rating, even before I take into account that none of it makes the slightest bit of sense.

I'm so confused. What situation? Why did my fiance want someone to murder me? Why didn't I break off an engagement to a fiance that wanted me dead? Why don't I have a key to my own house? Why do these brothers want to kill me? I could keep going on and on, but I think you get the point. The 'story' lacked necessary detail and just didn't make sense.

If you're set on doing a fan fiction work, you can't take for granted that readers are going to know the necessary information from the fandom. That information needs to be worked in, just as any author of a novel series will write the sequels so that someone could pick up book two and follow who the people are and what is generally happening.

Also, I understand how exciting it is to publish a story, but if it took you less than a day to write it (I'm guessing this took you maybe an hour, assuming you took ample breaks for cookies and milk) then it's probably not going to be very good. Hence, how you managed to achieve a 1/8 in length. There is no need to write an epic, but you need to write enough to allow an actual story to unfold. And in a CYOA that's going to be several thousand words more often than not.

... I really think you failed to see the point behind the book. It wasn't that Santiago didn't do enough to save himself, it was that the other people in the village didn't do anything to save him. A lot of the people in the village knew that the brothers planned to murder him, but nobody warned him about it until it was too late. The point of the book was, "This man could've survived if people had done more to save him," not "This man could've survived if he brought a gun to protect himself."

You need to change the category to fanfic, since you're using characters from a pre-existing work.