Player Comments on The Apprentice King

Well this storygame is something you might expect from an author named “eggFART”. Not surprisingly, the first masturbation joke takes place in the first paragraph of the first act and couple pages later you find the second. It’s simply delightful. The storygame plays upon typical medieval themes such as rescuing/marrying a princess, defeating the villainous character who tries to sex up said princess, and competing in a series of fixed games to win the princess’ hand in marriage... ironically held during a fair.

The first thing addressed must be the humor. It’s full of light-hearted one liners. The jokes sort of catch you unaware and the suddenness of the humor only adds to it. It’s like any sentence could be the build-up to another joke. It’s an effective style and always keeps you interested for when the next joke arrives.

The grammar and writing quality aren’t horrible. They aren’t the best either. There are a few mistakes, but nothing too distracting. The silliness of the whole story covers up for most of the grammar problems. I wouldn’t put it past the author to include the mistakes on purpose. If a mistake is done on purpose, is it still a mistake? The answer is yes you participation trophy losers.

The entire thing gives off a Robin Hood: Men in Tights feel. The villain is more quirky than evil. The main character, or hero of the story, is gullible and easily duped. The princess and the rest of the townsfolk seem rather dumb. There is a ton of suggestive humor from the milkmaid’s jugs to imagining the milkmaid as you’re milking her cows... ok there’s a lot of jokes about the milkmaid LOL.

The entire storygame is filled with ridiculous things happening to ridiculous characters. When you stumble across a centaur farmer who offers his daughter’s hand in marriage in exchange for chores, you feel as if it fits the story perfectly. This was a very fun, silly, enjoyable read, although it’s pretty clear the author took a bite from the forest mushroom before writing. It's like a children's fairy tale meets Harold and Kumar. I highly recommend.

This story was quite entertaining to read, and it never felt dull or like it dragged on. I liked that there were a decent amount of choices to choose, and each path provided interesting outcomes for the reader. The humor in this genuinely made me laugh a few times as it was just so silly, but written so well, too.

This is definitely a storygame that I wouldn't mind coming back to enjoy again in the future. :D

This tale is simultaneously hilarious and terrifying. The humor is excellent, the descriptions are perfect, and there are no errors to speak of. It's hard to pull off a story where both the finger-puppets thing and the udder-tickling trope can work, but you've done it. Marvelous job; a personal favorite.

rip princes..
spoiler; maybe
I got the ending kiss the markus goodbye: that was pritty fun and I hope I can solv the legendary riddel: maybe oneday I will do it bt keep up the goodwork

Fun story

I was pleasantly surprised by this game! It is a very funny game with a light, humorous tone that carries it. This is very similar to the show Galavant. It is more of a slap-stick comedy than a serious story, but it is a complete story none-the-less.

I think the humor being carried out consistently made this game fun. Even serious moments had a note of humor. That light, jokey tone made everything work. Sex jokes, innuendos, and random stupid plot twists (like suddenly a giant ogre appears and kills you by... never mind read the story...) all work because of the tone.

Structure played a huge role! The game felt much larger than it was due to the way the story was framed. There was only one path between each act, but you could get there by two or three different means each time. This allowed for the story to feel like a large branching one, even though it was a singular path. Each act had several different ending as well. These carried from “you give up the quest and settle for the milk maid” to “you got drunk and fell into the land of dragons”. There were quick-death endings as well, but even these often didn’t end for 2-3 pages so it felt like a complete path.

The final act did have an impressive amount of branching and endings for a short story. It was very creative and well done. You actually got to change the outcome dramatically, in a way that made sense (in the framework of the wacky plot), in a short amount of time. Very well done!

The grammar and spelling/mechanics were good, at least good enough that they didn’t cause problems. There were minor flaws (like on the page “The Fox” in the third paragraph where “miraculous” should be “miraculously”), but nothing that impacted the story.

Ultimately a surprisingly funny story that told a good story. There was a lot of vulgar, sexual humor, but it worked like in cartoons such as “Family Guy” or “South Park”. If you like these type of shows, I highly recommend this story.

So I added this to my list of things to read, and it turns out I actually HAD read this before around when I first found this site. I remember the tickling of the udders and the unicorn.
Maybe something about the name eggFart is attractive to me. Who knows.

Anyway, "The Apprentice King" is a pretty good story that appeals to those with a certain sense of humor. If loads of dirty jokes and toilet humor aren't your style, don't bother with this, but if they are, then this is a good story for you.

The first page felt like reading the back cover of a book. It was interesting, but I wondered what the point was. Especially since I had to scroll past the story description to get to the story anyway.

Until the end of the story, the branching structure is set up so that your choices mainly affect whether you will survive each part or "act", and the beginning of the acts were each a fresh start. This was actually kind of fun because of the variety of death and other Game Over endings. They were widely varied and probably my favorite part of the game. Some were good, others were bad, most were ridiculous, and they all fit in well with the tone of the story.
My favorite ending was A Delicious Pie. I also liked the FINGER PUPPETS one and would like to read a story-game with a giant main character now.
The tactic of hiding letters to answer a riddle in the different endings was a good idea. Often people only read one or two before quitting, but that probably encouraged a few people to read the entire thing.

The story doesn't take itself very seriously, and there is an abundance of toilet humor. This was funny for a while and in some places, but after a few branches it just got to be too much and lost its effectiveness. I say this as someone who actually likes that sort of thing. Turns out diminishing marginal utility can apply to jokes as well.
It would have been nice to see a bit more variation there.

Something that annoyed me every time I read it is the author's referring to "Greensleeves" the song as green sleeves. It's supposed to be one word. Capitalized. In quotes. I don't know why, but that was something that stuck out. The grammar and spelling and such are otherwise good, and nothing else distracted me at all there.

I'd not recommend this to anyone who does not like scatological humor, but if you do, this is a better than average comedy written for you.

My first impressions of this game- just a few pages in- were that it was a light-hearted and cheerful story. This impression was upheld, as I found myself reading through a story that had no shortage of jokes. I enjoyed these little jokes slipped in here and there, and the amusing ways in which I could suddenly and unexpectedly die. Normally, sudden deaths are annoying and take away from the story, but the nature of this story meant that they were funny instead of tiresome.

I liked how the story was centred around the goal of getting the princess. While the whole ‘get the girl’ set-up did make for a bit of cliché, it was nice to have a core goal in the back of my head whilst reading through. However, it also sort of limited the story as there wasn’t much opportunity to branch off and have another adventure that diverted from the main story.

Most characters that I came across in passing were described briefly, and I found it interesting that the princess happened to be the only one that did not happen to possess an unattractive feature, and a LOT of overweight men seemed to appear.

I can’t help but feeling that this story sort of lacked in ambition. Of course, it works as a decent story as it is, and I did enjoy reading through it. I just feel that the author had a good handle on all the things that make up a good story, but aside from the humour, nothing really stood out to me. The cliché of the pot and array of mostly unoriginal characters, which were mostly entertaining but largely forgettable, could’ve easily been transferred over to create a more original and impressive story.

Now I’m not sure about this, but I think once you reach the end of each chapter/Act all the previous choices don’t further play into the story. This sort of made the story feel more ‘gamey’ as you had to pass through the stages without dying. It was cool how all three of the Acts each had a separate focus and played a different part in reference to the overall plot of the story.

Generally, I had a lot of fun with this story. However, I didn’t read it all and found that I sort of got tired of the humour after a while. The riddle was an interesting addition to the game. It was largely effective as without it, I doubt I would’ve continued reading to find more endings.

Evidently a lot of work went into this story, and overall the author did a lot of things that worked effectively. As it stands, the story is good. It’s enjoyable. It just lacks that extra something that makes a story *great*.

I guess this storygame wasn't for me. I found it amusing, but not funny, and at several points I wanted to shout out:

"It's not '-ith', dammit! Those old-timey vowels are supposed to end with '-eth', as in, 'He writeth it wrongly!'"

"The actual way to spell the rank of nobility used in this story is 'marquis'. Marques was the name of that a-hole I had for a boss a few ago, who made me cringe every time he blamed everyone but himself for his project delays, and consistently typed out 'for all intense and purposes' in every other email."

"Crows and ravens are two different animals. So which one of them stepped out from behind that signpost?"

That said, this was at least competently written, with evidence that forethought went into its branching structure. That alone makes this story more noteworthy than 85% of the other stories here.

Wow, that was a wild ride. One choice, boom your dead. I mean this story was really, really funny. The humor was on point and somehow related to the fantasy part. You tied the feeling into everything in the story. The puns were fantastic; the hidden jokes were terrific, and this is the funniest story I have read on this site. I mean the story is very bipolar, with choices on each side of the wild spectrum. Some options are straight up, and some are kind off like you decided to go to work, boom plane crashes into your apartment. Overall all I can say is that it was hilarious, and I was dead with the whole tickle udders part of the story. I don't even know what that means not going to lie.
Now time to complain, oh wait what did you do wrong. The grammar was surprisingly on point for someone with the name EggFart. Everything was tied in, and the commentary was on end. There was a little side quest going on, which made the reader explore all options in the game. You did nothing wrong, and you deserve no shame. I love our story, and I got all the letters for the riddle and found every single way to die in this game. There's a lot of ways to die.
I like the repeated use of comedy, like the fact that tickle her udders were an option like five times, and finger puppets were used many times. I thought that it helped relate the reader and was repetitively funny. I couldn't figure out the puzzle, but overall this story was honestly one of the best I've read on the site. It indeed specializes in some aspects and lacks in others. It was almost like watching 1975 Monty Python and the Holy Grail. I recommend anybody reading this to go and watch. I just loved the silliness, and I don't think you did anything wrong.

FINALLY! I found all the answers and solved the riddle! The letters I got were H-I-S-D-O-U-G-H-N-U-T-S, so I thought about it long and hard and after much deliberation, I decided that the answer must be… DON’T HUG SUSHI!!! Good advice. It’s raw and slimy and gross. Always use chopsticks.

Now, with that out of the way, I should start listing off all the problems with this story... Or at least I would do if I could think of any. Honestly, there’s pretty much nothing I can think to complain about, and I love to complain, so well done! I am greatly impressed. (I mean, if I’m being really nitpicking, I could complain that, despite the consistently entertaining humour, the author felt the need to include a fart joke near the end… Because everybody loves fart jokes, right? But at least the fart joke was useful and actually progressed the plot in some way… So in this case, while I may not rejoice in the fart joke, I at least respect the necessity of the fart joke.)

So, on to the good parts, which are many! In terms of humour, I’d say this is one probably one of the funniest games on the site! It’s silly… In a sort of Monty-Pythonesk, “Stop that! It’s silly!” sort of way. I was particularly impressed by the Marques’ vast array of baking related puns. Of course, the story is extremely cliche and the romance completely lacklustre, but with this kind of comedy, I think that sort of adds to the story more than takes away from it. It turns the game into a kind of parody of the magical-fantasy-fairy tale genre.

All in all, a really, really enjoyable game, and I particularly like how you threw that riddle in there to motivate players to find all the different ending. Definitely worked on me. The only thing I just can’t get my head around was the game’s moral regarding tickling udders. Such mixed signals you keep sending us! Is it good to tickle udders? Is it bad to tickle udders? Will we get kicked in the head for tickling udders? The game gives us no clear answer, and I fear it will forever remain a mystery for the ages.

Now let me start off by saying that this is a good story. Though while it may be good, it is not great, and it certainly is not amazing. There is not anything that I can say I dislike about this story, just a lot of average things and this is a very stereotypical adventure. This is a rags to riches story that follows every overused plot point, and is mainly to be played for laughs. If I’m looking at it from this standpoint, I would call it a great story.

Though reading through it, I found some parts dragged on for far too long, and while I did laugh quite a bit going through it, a lot of the humor and plot points were random. An example that comes to mind would be the dress in the cyclops's cave. Also a side note, I thought there was only one sage. Guess there is three. That just struck me as a little weird.

For all of its shortcomings, I will say that it’s branching is superb. So far it is one of my favorite examples of a branch and bottleneck type story. It very often has big branches that just rejoin at a later point. It also mixes in a good bit of cave of time in the final act of the story, having a lot of endings that are similar to the final one, without being the same as you picked different choices.

All and all I would say this story is decent. There is a large amount of effort poured into this story considering it is a comedy based story, and from an unknown author no less! Very surprising, and I’m glad this story was brought to my attention. I will have to say though that this story is not my cup of tea at all, and if it were there is no doubt I would have rated this a 6. If you have read most of the other well known stories, like comedy, and have some time to kill then go for it, but if you don’t fit this then it’s a bit of a wildcard if you will like it or not. In any case just try it and see. It shouldn’t take you more than an hour to read. Also HIS DOUGHNUTS.

5/8

Fairly good. Died to a mushroom. Isn't that the best way to go out? :P

Fun

Spoiler Alert: The answer to your riddle is...HIS DOUGHNUTS. It was a lovely tale, loved every bit of it. Only downside is I died when I tried to tickle the cow's udders. Oh and also never seeing the milkman's daughter, only a goat named Bessa.

Short and sweet with some good choices and very fun moments. The story is interlaced on all levels with humor, some jokes needing multiple play throughs to fully appreciate. A solid effort with several satisfying ends. It feels rushed at times and certain elements are mentioned but superfluous to the story and never really implemented or explored. Despite that one observation this is a sweet and light adventure with some good twists.

What. The. Fuck. Did. I. Just. Read.....
Seriously, I'm kinda confused what to say so I present you 10 Text passages worth Mentioning:

-"I have a final gift for you," the cloaked woman says. She spreads her legs wide and squats down. An egg falls heavily to the floor. "This egg contains the last of my power. Cracking it shall grant you immense strength." Bloody afterbirth trickles down her leg.

-Power surges through your limbs. Your manhood swells to thrice its size and curly black hair sprouts from your chest and back.

-"FINGER PUPPETS!"

-The unicorn disappears. From that day on you get the uncomfortable feeling he's watching you whenever you go to the bathroom.

-"Tickle my udders, human!"

-You can see the old woman's true form now. She is a benevolent demon with blue skin and four arms. "Come feed, my children," she beckons, opening her robe and revealing a dozen swollen teats. You nestle in beside Gerald and fill yourself with mother's love.

-You kiss her turgid lips, her smooth scalp, the dark place beneath her flippers. Eels slither down your throat as you give her the most sensual kiss of all. If you still had a gag reflex, you might have been saved. Instead, the eels fill your lungs and you slip into darkness.

-You hurl his dead body into the gutter where the rats and the hobos can take turns defiling it.

-You rise and fill the basin on your nightstand and wash the urine from your hair. What a night! A Princess for your first time, where do you go from here?

-"Would you still love me if I was fat? Would you love me if I went bald? Would you love me if I was in a wheelchair? Would you still love me if all of my skin fell off and my bones had chickenpox..."


I recommend this story. It's funny as hell.

7/8

All hail the Awesome Lord of Sauce! Slayer of bakers and bedder of princesses!

(Que disney fairy music)

A bit weird but it was a fun.

Good Show Really Enoyed It

wierd's the word for it...

Very well written story.

It's certainly very interesting...lol

Greatttt

Pretty boring

Great job! Definitely make more stories!

Very funny

What an udderworldy experience

THE UDDERS!!!

A very good mix of humour and action. Although a few gags are overused and some jokes are quite dark, others are unexpectedly fresh. All in all, 6/8 :)

This is a perfect blend of humor and fantasy. A true epic. 6/8.

HELL YEAH! 100/100!

HAHAHA! The death scenes are amazing. Its worth to pick all the wrong options before you move on. The sage was teh best part.

This game was okay....

I...I....don't know what to say... I feel sullied, and yet I was laughing like a m a d man...

Dayum. Can't say the choices mattered too much (outside of the usual "you died") but the story and the writing were just so good.

... Tickle her udders hahhaha

"This ending is worth 90/100 points. Such womanly nonsense. Quickly, go back and tickle her udders!"

LOOOOOL haha so funny =P I like even if this game a bit scaru there's some hillarious moment

what a story! my god, it was funny! great going.

Finger puppets! XD

I thought this story was very good, and often made me laugh. The only thing that was both odd and hilarious was the constant "tickle her udders."
It just makes me think of a cow fused with a human female....strange...

All I wanted was more pie....Story of my life

*slow claps* This was udderly awesome, well done hahaha

very good

mmmm, STD's. They're the best

I couldn't resist trying to tickle grizella's udder...