Player Comments on The Forlorn

While interesting, it was very short. This is a very neat world you have created, and a good one to expand on. I would recommend having some artwork and other things.

The setup is quite short, but a little intriguing. I don’t know what a hotha is, nor a skave, but perhaps I shall learn. In any case, I am prepared to survive and see what happens (or, quite more likely, I shall die quickly).

I do like how the story starts out with action and adventure! I also liked the background link to help me understand what’s going on a little more. It might be nice if that small wall of text were broken up into paragraphs to make it more readable, but at least it has good, detailed information that is useful to me as the reader. However, I’m not sure if that first page really gives me a clue as to my best course of action… but I see that it did. I like that there was not an instant death there at the start for not picking the best option.

Beyond that portion, the story felt very short. I do realize that the more options you put in the story, the more words you have to write to get a longer story. In this case I think the story started out quite well, had a good setting, and lots of great options. But after the first conflict with the hotha, there was not much story left: nothing really happened. Yes, there was one path that was a bit longer, again with a number of good options, but most of the paths were very short. Of course, as expected, they pretty much all lead to untimely deaths, but that would be expected in a story in this setting. I did manage to find the ending where I found a city and get elected mayor (well, okay, maybe not that successful, but it did say it was the only good ending).

Overall, this is a nice story. It has quality punctuation and grammar. It has some action and adventure. As with many others, I just wish it was longer and a few more things happened during the story. Thank you for sharing this one with the site.

Meh. Like most stories on this site, it could have been improved with an actual backstory, more character development, and more of a plot.
Still, not bad, and certainly not the worst game here.

Great until my nomadic ass got eaten! Haha!

Not much really happens. There's some branching out, but there's not really a plot, or setting or anything. I mean, I enjoy the multiple choices, but it simply doesn't click for me. I made no meaningful choices, I just... did what I was supposed to.

It could be longer, I noticed a few spelling errors here and there. Other than that, good work!

I got the best ending.

(Crawl for the Cave)

This game is ok but there is no good ending please make one so I can win instead of dying and there is a loop at the end of the game.
Why is that the name of it anyway?

My game now includes descriptions of the places and animals

This story game was a true masterpiece. Very exquisite, and dazzling.

It is good, not the best. 294 out of 295.

This is the best storygame i have ever played!

The reason it's so short is because I was working on a large section but he needed to publish so I said to cut it out for now as I work hard on it thank you everyone.

"With a club of its paw,your are slayen." It's like, *almost* English, but not quite?

10/10 would do again.

*Sigh* I just... *Sigh* This is why we can't have good storygames; games like this!

Yeah... you can't leave parts of your story unexplained (unless it's actually a mysterious ghost story)as that will just irritate the reader in the same way being given half a dinner will :) Outside of that the writing was pretty ok but you need a longer story and a meatier plot to really give us something great :D

The player knows nothing about these monsters, and the rest of the story. The descriptions leave me without a clear picture of the scene.
3/8

Not explaining your monsters is annoying. Your attempt at making the adversaries "mysterious" or "cool" utterly fails. 3/8

Meh

It's..a bit too short for my taste, but no one should lash out like that *ahem*.