The Lurking Forest

Player Rating1.52/8

"Too few ratings to be ranked"
based on 52 ratings since
played times (finished )

Story Difficulty5/8

"run through the jungle"

Play Length2/8

"So short yo' momma thought it was a recipe"

Maturity Level3/8

"must be at least this tall to play"
Contains content that may not be suitable for persons under age 10. If this were a movie, it would probably be between G and PG.

A medieval time game.

Middle path for lickity split but satisfying game.

Right for longer but cooler game.

 

Also, Sorry this my first story game and I don't have internet at my house so it's hard to write it.

Player Comments

Nman, I came here after you advertised your story on the forum, but I can't find much to recommend about this.

First page:
One day you leave your house. You look at a forest you wonder if you should go into the forest.

Into the Forest
Nope im not

...and it goes on like that. I see that you're new to the site, so the main thing I'd recommend is reading through some of the top rated stories, or just spending some time reading books in general to give you a better sense for descriptive writing and things like plot, characterization, dialogue etc.

The forums are a good place for advice and constructive criticism, and it may be a good idea to get a little more involved there and with the community before you post any more stories. You only joined yesterday, after all. It takes a lot longer than a day to write a decent story, especially a CYOA.
-- mizal on 1/15/2016 5:13:11 PM
I give up on this game, Needs more thought put into it.
-- Jimmysutton on 4/6/2016 11:47:44 AM
Well tried .....hope your next story is more entertaining
-- Hehe on 2/9/2016 11:59:34 AM
What the hell? I blocked his attack and got gold. What the shit is this? Too random and stupid.
-- CurseOfTime on 1/18/2016 5:09:48 PM
Man, I was excited because it was one of those new games that actually capitalized the name. I was disappointed.
-- TheBossWriter on 1/17/2016 10:51:22 PM
The story game was remarkably short,and could have been better...for example, you could start with capitalizing letters at the beginning of a sentence, better grammar, etc.It could have better detail and come alive in the reader's mind, instead of poorly pieced together words. For example, instead of saying: You see three trails. You could say: You saw three unique, interesting trails that looked considerably different from each other, each one looking dangerous, yet giving you a strange urge to follow them. Could use work and editing, so please, take a few minutes to look over your work.
3/8
-- Snowflame on 1/17/2016 8:05:03 PM
This could have been a good short storygame would there be more detail and plot in it. For example, you can't just write, "He was really strong." You need to say, "When David was young he got sent from his home to go to his uncles logging cabin where he worked with him all day chopping down trees and cutting them to peices. Thus he came home more buff and able." You can see how such things enhance the quality of the story.
Also it has this thing which really ennoys me. It starts randomly with you, for no apperent reason leaving home to walk into the forest. Please just add a little backstory, like that he went hunting or something happened at home that he decided to leave.
So please, work hard and make it good next time.
-- YarikCool on 1/16/2016 7:38:45 PM
Very, very short. I told you in your post that you need to add details. You fall, wake up, and take over a kingdom. There is no story really, you need more. There is some grammar issues too. Like "Walkin" maybe it was you just forgot the g, but use full words. So yeah, more details, more information about what is happening, and full words.
-- hayesa on 1/15/2016 5:48:26 PM
Not sure what the point is of telling people which path will lead to what kind of story. Surely they can figure it out for themselves by playing.
-- Briar_Rose on 1/15/2016 1:48:39 PM
Uh huh.
So...I don't see any backstory to anything. Who am I? Where did I come from? How was my childhood? Where do I live? What was the sword's story? Is it legendary and its story is explained through a childhood myth?
Not to mention the lack of detail...
2/8.
-- DerpBacon on 1/15/2016 1:24:37 PM
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