Player Comments on The River of Fire

Well this is an interesting one.

It's one of your better stories I'd say, though I'm not really getting 'horror' vibes from it. The whole thing is pretty short honestly, 4/8 doesn't leave a lot of room for things to happen when you've got 13 endings crammed in.

And especially when dealing with a theme like the afterlife, a little more about who the character actually was and things like a good vs bad ending being based more as logical extensions of the character's actions would've been more satisfying. You get what's basically Hell vs a neutral ending based on what dream you decide the character has, for instance, and absolutely nothing else.

The dialogue segments were pretty weak. The meetings with the spirits/gods/whatever could've been a lot more impressive. And probably just in general more words could've been spent putting in some atmosphere, with the setting you've got to play around with that kind of thing should almost write itself. (Oh, and depicting the Styx as some kind of paradise was an interesting choice, usually the images associated with it and the underworld are pretty dreary ones.)

There were some punctuation and grammar errors as well--by CYS standards nothing too dire, but try to do more careful proofreading. (And it seems like I'm having to say this a lot around this site, but please brush up on how punctuation for dialogue works...)

Why worry about dying if you're already dead?

I'm not going to criticize this one for length because size doesn't matter. If you were trying to go for a more poetic form, then maybe this should have had more lyricism, more flow.
Otherwise, I think it needs more details to be interesting. I need to know more names, life stories, emotions, and pains. There needs to be a little more characterization and more description of the hellish environment.
Also, "torcher" should be spelled "torture."
I do like the somber, hellish aesthetic, though.
5/8

I quite enjoyed this game, although there were a few grammar mistakes. Perhaps there could be a bit more description about what things look like?

Also, I'm pretty sure the Styx is the river of pain...

I got the good ending, and all the pages I had read to get there were all well-written! I enjoyed it very much, and now I want to read the all other endings!

This version of Hades is sort of interesting, but rule one of Hell is to show, not tell. That's also the key to good storytelling in general, but it doesn't rhyme as much. If you want to let us be spooked by the river and show that it destroys everything, give us a scene where it devours people and melts things. That whole optional reading could've been easily left aside.

Really like the writing style. Plot was not so strong but that's more in account of the length. Good story overall :)

Pretty short to be honest.

Yeah, pretty good. I liked finding all the endings and learning the names of the different Greek Gods etc. It's good writing though it could use more detail if you were to make a longer story.

5/8.
Not very long and I saw several grammar errors. If you made it a bit longer and fixed the errors, I'd give you a 7/8.