Player Comments on Welcome to Hollywood

(cont. from previous) -be honest...

However, all in all, while not an amazing storygame (especially the "game" aspect), it's much better than many of the other new ones here.

While a bit linear and sometimes not too engaging (Fate 1 and Fate 2?!), I must applaud you for your tasteful meaning!

Coming into this story, I was expecting for there to be long, drawn-out speeches about how "WE MUST FIX INEQUALITY NOW!!!111ONE111!!! AT ANY COST NOW NOW NOW NO MATTER WHAT"

However, you did far better than that. You actually presented realistic scenarios, with endings that showed that one can have a good ending, as long as they know how to play the cards -- no matter how hard they are discriminated against -- right. There were also several "okay" endings, with realistic consequences.

While not a REALLY good storygame, it was definitely not as bad as I thought it was going to be when I went into it. I must admit, it did engage my thoughts on the matter, and will definitely serve well as a final project for that class... Even though it's not exactly a useful course, to

I madd it! Big time Hollywood star! Woohoo

This was quite good and I liked the focus on bringing inequality and racism to attention. In that, this might be considered a candidate for the Edutainment category if only for the social issues. You had some nice branching going on and I liked how the story progressed.

There are some little hiccups however. I don't know why your first page is blank with no text and just a single link. I thought my computer had frozen or something. Thankfully the real story starts up after that.

And what's with the "Fate 1" and "Fate 2" pages? Is it chance? Give us some words to go off here.

I understand it was a project, and while I find it an interesting idea to use real-life stories there wasn't much here to really explore.

This story shows a fairly decent balance between silly and serious. This helps carry the story along when the writing or story line becomes strained. Good work. Keep writing. Never give up the dream.

I became a big shot (not based off race)! Good story, good writing, good length. 6/8

awesome

Baad, I give it a 0/8

It was a little unusual.

I Like How this is Telling about a Race Problem, while in the other side so funny like "Thank you Michigan Sen. Debbie Spend-it-now. Debbie spend so much Ah-mer-i-can money -- you borrow more and more from us. Your economy get very weak; ours get very good. We take yo' jobs," While the other side being Serious
So yes 6 from me!

I so love my ending?,

Good Writing,i loved the 'Fate 1' and ' 'Fate 2' parts

good

it's not perfect but it'sgood

An interesting topic. The grammar and spelling was alright, but I'm really not a fan of random outcomes. Your story should be based off of the decisions that you make, especially the choices that ultimately lead to winning or losing.

Nice work. Does this give off a retro feel to anyone else? Like one of the stories that used to pop up here in the old days before my time?

Not my thing

Very nice, although I'm not a big fan of the "fate 1"/"fate 2" ends, I think it should be picked by your actions, not at random in the end.
But otherwise very good.

Not the best plot. Technical aspects are decent, but random consequences and the reader not really feeling in control or getting into protagonist's head are drawbacks. PSA's don't really work in CYS form.

This is epic-ish. It deserves at least a 6 but I gave it and 8 because it's your first game and has a good message. I just talked to the stranger guy instead of the Super Bowl commercial because I didn't want to be a stereotype.

not the best

Interesting story :)

Not bad. A heck of a lot better than some of the other ones I've seen. A good start if this is your first story.

It was a nice game. Good grammar, decent plot, and you gave pretty good indication of what the character's thoughts were.

A bit presumptuous of what I would do if I got into the web, and what I would do if I hit the big-time and was worried about being associated with an entire continents' cultures.
Whatever, mo fo. I fucking won.