Player Comments on Wes

This was not a storygame. It was seven pages in a row with no choices.

Much more story than game as it was very linear, there's still points to give to this since I did enjoy the writing.

Well, it's a very long and detailed story, which is great. Although, it's JUST a story. It's good, but it wasn't a story game which is what this site's purpose is.

Not that bad, really. Could have been extended longer though...

It i so boring you just read books

Well I can see you've clearly put a lot of effort into this story and I'm sure you'll improve as you get older. I suppose the main piece of advice I'd give you is that generally, you need to use a different paragraph every time a different person speaks. For example:
"Hello." Said Fred. "My name is Fred."
"Hi Fred!" Said Bob.

I tried to fix it.

Okay thanks, I'll try to separate them soon.

Not bad, but you really need to clean up the giant paragraph spacing problems - they are terribly distracting. Also some of your paragraphs could benefit from being broken into more segments, to avoid huge walls of text.

Here its done, i separated the chapters for you so you had some real links to click on. Hope you like it! I want some feedback, negative or positive. Although, I hope its all positive! hahahahahahahahahahahaha :P

Would you guys like me to un-publish it and make more links/separate the chapters? It wouldn't take too long.

Yah, I know, Firewing. But they were too long and I just wanted to get off the computer at that point. PLus, you can't copy and paste. So I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry.

Good story, but it was very tedious for me to read after chapter 2. I understand that this is a more story-centric game, but flinging walls of text in my face won't give me anymore enjoyment.

Long story, short. Add some choices in which we (the players) can assume controll, even if it's a little one like:
There is conflakes on the table, will you eat it?
>Yes
>No

It's actions like these that help us get attached to the characters and story. Nonetheless it was a good first story.

I'd like an extension of this. That wall of text was pretty good to read, but I want choices instead of one really long page :P

I don't mind "storygames" on the site that don't have any choices, still defeats the purpose of the site, but the chapters could have been put into other links so you didn't have to make all those annoying hey this is a link links.