Player Comments on What if

I'll admit, it was short. It was strangely connected, and had no plot. But something about it left me at peace. Maybe it was that even though at maximum I had three or four actions, they still changed the game a lot.

What I'm saying is while this is nowhere near a complete game and should not be treated as such, it does give a glimpse of what you're capable of. I think if you hone your skills, increase the play length, and add a bit more for each turn you could really make something beautiful.

All in all? You have potential, you might get some negative reviews, but if you keep trying and improving you've got the making of much more.

Weird this seems...

Okay in immersion, but wording errors were there (grammar or spelling). A well detailed story stub.

I see soms potential here, but you can't show it unless you show a good story. Get a proofreader, devote more time to your storygames, and increase not only the length but also the details, because plot seems half a step above nil.

Hopefully next time it won't a game where boredom is the choice. 3/8.

Short but I like it:)

As you said, it was very short, and yet it did connect with me emotionally in that very short period of time. There were a couple of small grammar errors - I noticed a 'your' instead of a 'you're' for example. Nevertheless, I hope you decide to make a longer story because you have a good way with words.

Not much to it. What is there describes joy very well. I'd like to see this story grow. I think the writer shows promise for the future. =-D

Interesting premise to base a storygame on, but it was not executed well.
It was much too short, and just when I started getting into it, it ended too early, and with a "it was just a dream" - an ending I'm not very fond of in any sort of story, unless the buildup to that conclusion was well written.
The writing was beautiful, with barely any noticeable grammar mistakes. If this was longer, I would have given it a much better score.
4/8.

It was creative, but really, a dream ending? Also a bit too short. I'm working on my first storygame too though, and I probably wouldn't do any better.

When you write a story about lucid dreaming.

im peter pan!!!!! oh wait....

Beautiful, but short and slightly boring. That's all I have to say :3

It was a good story, though it was a bit too short.

Way to short

So it realy is short in all aspect that it can be, page legnth and link count. Try combing pages that only have one link (because links should be chooses, branching the game out not flipping a page.) So other than just blantinly makeing it longer you should add more for me to do in the first page, (a dig like is the first thing to come to mind,) because you have no limatations, as long as you choose one of these three links. Keep at your doing great!

Short, but creative and fun.

I thought it was very creative, but.....where's the true story behind it?

cool

It seemed very rushed. Maybe it was one of those really poetic storygames I'm seeing more of, but those ironically are more meaningless than Warrior Cats as people trying to be poetic end up nonsensical. Not terrible, though.

I think it was a great story. If you expanded upon this idea, I feel like it could be amazing!

Pretty cool short though

Okay? Basic isn't always good, but you have the potential to write greater things, with the time, and effort. Grammar was good, spelling was good. Now you need a bigger idea, a longer story.

At least the grammar here is half decent. The plot is interesting, but the ability to do whatever you want is probably impossible to put in a choose your story format.
Short and it feels rushed. No description nor characterisation.



2/8

Pretty cool story. It was short, but it was a god start. What if... you can expand on the story? Good job