Player Comments on While My Guitar Violently Weeps

Many, many issues with this storygame.

First of all, I saw about half a dozen spelling and grammar mistakes (such as "freinds," and not "friends."), which really takes away from the overall writing.

Then, there was a sudden font change. Why did you suddenly make a transition to comic sans on like, one of the last pages? It's an annoying font, and the transition has no purpose.

It was completely illogical at many points. Why did you put this in modern adventure? This fits into like, horror more than modern adventure.

Some of the characters were well developed, and I could feel emotion for them (which is rather impressive since the storygame was rather short and didn't have a lot of words in general), but other characters seemed to be just thrown in for the purpose of just having more characters.

The dialogue was also screwed up multiple times throughout this storygame.

Spend more time writing in general. This needed more plot development as well, and maybe a more fleshed out setting.

I'll say 3/8. You've got potential.

I see the George Harrison reference. Still love the song "while my guitar gently wheeps" haha.

Needs some pretty significant improvement. For one thing, nobody talks like that guy...Ted, I think?..."That was wiggity wack, I don't triggity trust him." That's just painful to read. Topical slang is best avoided in stories like this. There's also virtually no explanation for anything that happens. I found myself beginning to skim the sections, because it seemed to make no difference what the choices were, the effect was going to be random and nonsensical. More than two options per entry would be nice, as well. We also need some reason to care about the characters. Okay, so "I" am a guitarist in a band, and we play, then stuff happens, then it's over. There's no connection to the character at all.

One of the intriguing parts is the first person perspective. You don't see that in many CYOA stories, and it was a refreshing change. I also like the idea of a story centering around struggling band members, though the angle seen in this story is a bit cliche'.

With some hefty reworking, you could have an interesting story. Keep trying, and improving.

It sucks. You should burn this story. I really hate this. For the future reader,please dont play this, AT ALL.

died on page 3. awesome game

Well then. I was crushed by a wall. I always wanted that to happen...

After a long tiring day of lectures that I was doing at college, this suddenly cheered me up from the boredom of those lectures!

it was bad

You lose points for not formatting dialogue correctly on some pages. It could have used some more editing but the writing itself wasn't bad.

Is there a 'good' ending? If so, I couldn't find it. Not a bad idea, though. Decently written with a hefty amount of typos.

through in some pictures and this could be a great story. Just some shots of a metal band in hell would really help get into the story

I liked it, I like the way all the people talked it's wickity whack

I really enjoyed this. Nice theme, great characters, and I love the sudden shifts from funny to serious. Keep writing :)