Player Comments on World Wars: Beach Landings

Spoilers Ahead

Well, I came up with this storygame, and you don't even have to play this: I will explain everything for everyone. So, without further ado, Here are my thoughts:

Plot: 1/8
The plot is almost nonexistent. It's about this soldier that goes into combat on a beach. Then, he dies. That's it. The plot is so uninteresting, and the author does not explain the setting at all. What 'World War' are we talking about? Is it WW2? WW3? The Russo-Ukrainian War? I need some background information in this topic.

Characters: 1/8
The only character we hear about is the protagonist. The author does explain a little about how he's feeling at the moment, but that's about it. No character development at all in the story. Somehow, he has a letter that he reads at the beginning of the story. The story does not explain who wrote this letter, and what connection they could have to the protagonist. The lack of detail in this story makes my brain cells commit suicide one by one.

Grammar: 2/8
The grammar here is also a problem that interferes with the topics mentioned above. The first page has an informal register that ruins the somber tone of the rest of the storygame. The overuse of commas makes the story feel like an eternity. The spacing of the lines are also a problem I've seen frequently in storygames. Also, that author does not explain any of the text in italics. Is it his own thoughts? Is it a flashback? It drives me crazy.

Gameplay: 2/8
There is branching in this story, but is extremely disappointing. For example, the option to either use a gun or throw a grenade has no effect whatsoever to the story. Also, the endings are very similar. Very disappointed.

In conclusion, this storygame is just a pile of bullshit. It doesn't explain anything, the grammar is bad, and the branching is just upsetting. I would rather get kicked in the balls than read this. I surrender, just end this war.

Final Rating: 1/8

I see potential in the theme of this storygame, but I feel it wasn't done as well as it could have been.

First of all, it was incredibly easy to get to the 'true' ending, and in fact I managed it in one go. Props to you for making it so more sensible choices resulted in progress and the opposite true for reckless decisions, but I felt this was too true in this game. For example, it's very obvious that you shouldn't, as a lone footsoldier in an exposed area, try to shoot at heavy machine gunners behind solid cover. It's clearly better for survival to get behind cover yourself.

I always hate those 'east or west corridor' kind of choices when the author gives no indication of any difference between them. Your left or right side of the crate thing was no exception. On top of that, the player's decision had absolutely no effect on the story. There were other choices where I felt it should have branched off into different paths due to different things happening but they led you through the same path. More branches would have been nice.

I agree with Fazz and I didn't really feel anything when the protagonist died at the end. You rushed pretty much straight away into action with no stories to tell about the other soldiers, although you mention that they did have their own stories. There was at least some story for the protagonist, but I think you could have done with developing the soldiers' backgrounds more. I did like the way you wrote parts of the letter in between the main story but I can't help but feel it would have been more powerful had we gotten to know the main character more.

Your writing style is pretty good and you were fairly descriptive. There was the odd part where I did question your choice of words, but overall it was well done in this aspect.

Another storygame for this could be good but I would want you to improve upon this one.

Eh. Kind of iffy, I feel as though more effort could have been put in.

Well, here is the first problem: I just read a storygame, in which a heroic soldier died in one of history's most famous onslaughts, yet, I didn't shed a feeling about the protaganist at all. He had friends/family back home, and he was leaving them behind, he took wounds, he died, it just didn't affect me at all. I think you need to amp your character development. You need to build onto the character, show what they are feeling. Thinking. Not just, "You walk over there and shoot a dude,", no, please make sure to make it so that the reader FEELS like they are the protaganist, flesh 'n' blood. Instead of me going "eh," when the protaganist dies, you should make me feel something. That's the key in character development.

Character development isn't al about YOU (protaganist), keep in mind, it is also other people. So, instead of reffering to your fellow soldiers as "comrades" or "brothers", you could describe them and such etc.

Going with this, the writing could also be perfected. It wasn't the worst I've seen, no, but I definently felt that it could be worded, written, and described better. So, instead of "You ran up to the dude and shot him," you could sculpture out the scene and paint images in the reader's head, as well as facturing in the protaganist's own thoughts.

If you are going to write a historical story like this, I think you should do some research on World War II, specifically Normandy Beach. We just have a unranked soldier running around, shooting people, dodging machine gun fire, and breaching out bunkers. I'm 100% sure that is not how Normandy Beach went down. I haven't done research in Normandy Beach, because that's your job, but I remember this old game called Call of Duty 2: Big Red One. Anyways, there was this one Normandy Beach mission, and it had you with a SQUAD as (INSERT RANK HERE BECAUSE I FORGOT) while you cleared out machine gun nests.

The point I'm trying to make is that you should, in order to make your story //that// much more realistic, incorporate actually happenings from Normandy Beach into this story. For example, I'm completely sure that each soldier was in some sort of unit or squad, not just walking around, by themselves, clearing out bunkers. That doesn't seem realistic at all.

4/8. Consider these, man.

And I'm supportive of this as well, although the final present. should be better.

BAD!

Big Fat Cheater

It's a really good, but short story. It could do with a little more choices. I really look forward to the next in the series! Keep up the good work!

Wow! Its better than homework! (I dont do homework.)

I like the topic but you could have made it a multiple ending story.

SPOILER So my character is meant to die? I can't figure any way around it.

This was a good read, wish there was a bit more story and it wasn't so linear.

Anti-naval guns, huh? German flak guns or artillery would be better words.

A tank landing at the beachhead? Must be one of those DD Sherman tanks. Most of em' got destroyed before they managed to do any damage.

Which one is this? Omaha?

Research more about the D-Day. Things should be more historical and realistic.

There are some possibilities for destorying the German MG42 nests and artillery emplacements. Such as bringing the flamethrowers or satchel charges.

Shouldn't be about a man going all Call of Duty on the Krauts. Stick with your squad.

This definitely needs a rework, and you should study more about WW2.

I liked how you wrote the story! (especially the letter) The actual choices that you make are linear and I do wish it was longer.

Enjoyable. I recommend people to read it. 4/8.

I'm a big history nerd, so seeing more history text adventure games would be great!

Could use a lot more.

Amazing detail, though it was a bit short. Cant wait for other WW2 games from this guy! ;-)

This is the first one of these I've tried. I'll definitely be back for more.

Awesome bruh!

Would be way better if you added better endings (or worst endings) and added options that lead to things other than you died and you lived only changing a little bit of text. I loved how you put the letter. Can't wait for the next one.

Well done, although, there were a few mistakes here and there.

It was amazing! Great Storyline and the letter thing, it was great! Suicide mission? totally awesome!

8/8!

A nice plot, better than anything I could come up with certainly, but perhaps slip in a few more multiple choice pages. A bit fast-paced for my taste.

It seems even better now that I've read it a second time. I give it an 8, for I see no grammer or spelling mistakes AT ALL. Great job!

needs improvement but it could be really good I look forward t seeing what you do with it

I liked the action descriptions but in places a bit more imagery will add to the realism, for example when you shoot someone that person will spray blood, scream and react in various other ways to suggest he may be uncomfortable with the situation. Interspacing the action scenes with love letters is a poetical approach but in life or death action situation a person doesn't have the luxury or interest to think of his loved ones at home, his whole mind is normally on the fact he might get killed in a moment and the best way to avoid this happening, he is so involved in the drama of his surroundings that lengthy quotes from loved ones are usually only contemplated before or after the action. Bleeding to death while thinking about the letter as the pain fades and the world turns to darkness seems an equally valid approach to me but if you are set on this current course then it is better to have reasonably lengthy breaks in the fighting rather than a few hurried seconds to properly enjoy these images, though I did like the way the quotes slowly escalated to make the demise of the character more meaningful.

I loved this story. Sad and heart-warming. Would it have been diffrent if I had shot at the left side of the barrel? Who cares! This was AMAZING with a capital A!

I loved this story. Sad and heart-warming. Would it have been diffrent if I had shot at the left side of the barrel? Who cares! This was AMAZING with a capital A!

Wow, that was worse than Twilight...

This was a good story. I wonder if you really went to war before. Also

God Bless Any Soldier from Any Country Everywhere!

Uninteresting and badly written.
Frankly, I thought that you sucked. Really hard. For serious here, your grammar made me cringe really hard. Check yourself.

You lost my respect with your description: "Quite linear, but a nice story!" and I will tell you why. First of all, being linear is a serious issue with CYOS. It is not something you hand-wave, not unless your writing is damn amazing, and it's still a flaw even then.

Two, if you have to console me about a game's flaws before I even play it, I immediately lose interest. Three, I hate being told "this is really good" by the writer. Show. SHOW me it's good, don't tell. It sounds both arrogant and insecure to put that in your game summary.

You just ... do not tell the reader how to feel about your game. Now, I understand if you put a warning: "This is my first story game, please be kind" or "this is really bloody, some of you may not like it," because that's different.

That's asking for constructive criticism when you're just starting out (rather than flames,) or just respecting the sensitivities of other people.

The story itself isn't bad, but this place is for story -games-. If a game is linear and not challenging, it tends to be boring. Honestly, your writing is pretty good, but I think you could've done better and I find it even worse that you -know-, because you pointed out yourself that the game is too linear. I hate to see a story fail to live up to its full potential.

It was ok, the only bad thing was that it was too short. I understand that it was suppposed to be that way, so I'm awaiting the sequel.

It was cool, but felt emotionally dry. You tried to provoke a strong feeling, with the letter you weaved into the story, but it didn't feel that tear-jerking. Still, it has potential. 5/8

I disagree with Fazz. I thought the character development was good, and I enjoyed the rather descriptive nature of this story.

5/8

I liked the ending that I got, very dramatic and heroic. There were a couple writing and grammar errors, but I enjoyed the fast pace and excitement of the story.

Oh, and one more thing: raise the difficulty, most of the links are death links, soooo... yeah.

This honestly shows promise. While all the endings are "The protagonist dies a hero" kind of endings, it's still good. I don't know if there's a secret ending where you live, but hey, why not add that? Besides, why kill the main character off in every one of the endings?

Maybe you plan on making the portagonist a different characters in future stories, but it feels disappointing that you always die. This game is kinda like Mass Effect 3. It was really good, but is ruined by a shitty ending.

So, all my complaints are about the ending, so you get a 6/8. It would be a 7/8, but there were a few typos, and the ending was bad.