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I have been inspired by the creative methods of procrastination in recent weeks, and I have decided to join the ranks of the self-sabotaging schmucks who are writing literally anything but their contest entry.

You can detail a request for a poem by subject, meter, rhyme scheme, or whatever. Be as detailed or vague as you please, and I’ll do my best to deliver fast food poetry.

Awdl Gywydd poetry about this drawing that you requested

Not very familiar with the form, but I gave it my best shot:

When dealing with a boy child
Be he wild or somewhat tame,
Beat him soundly! He won’t die,
Hit or kicked, he’ll cry the same.

But tears are not just for show.
Heavens, no! Energy filled,
They crackle with arcane fire
Frothing with their ire when spilled.

A bottle keeps them stored safe
Tear of waif, component rare
Combined with Mother of Pearl
Will transform a girl to bear

CP's naming ceremony, ABAB rhyme scheme.

Brave, sad CrystalPenguin
Was named quite democratically
Much to her (his?) chagrin
The mod cried emphatically

Not cry, nor crys, nor cryst
Was what the mob did sing.
Though by her, “crys” may be missed,
Forever, she’s Crystalpeng

That's great. CP should be forced to display it on her profile.

I aim to please

shall I?

The legendary war between the big Macs and the whoppers. 

The hamburger is called American food
This claim cannot be disputed
Though clowns and kings snarl and brood,
The debate will soon be concluded

While the Big Mac boasts an extra bun,
The Whopper’s has sesame seeds
And folks, I think it’d sure be fun
If a side was forced to concede.

So, Big Mac fans stand at my left
And whopper fans on my right
Many a mother will weep bereft
At the close of this awful fight

But why are your eyes all on me?
I don’t want no trouble.
Everyone just leave me be.
I prefer the Sonic double.

A rhyming poem about a silver penguin and a discombobulated wolf, eating oranges.

One day at the local superstore
By the stands heaped up with fruit
A penguin waddled across the floor
And a wolf devoured his loot

The penguin had strange feathers
The strangest you ever saw
It was grey like stormy weather
Silver from beak to claw

The wolf looked somewhat perplexed
Perhaps from scarfing down oranges
He wined like ancient doors
Turning on rusty door hinges

The duo was certainly odd
Though their meeting led to great ends
Their scrambled minds were broad,
So they left, the best of friends

Good job, I know that wasn't easy.

Write another verse to "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohen, with the same rhyme scheme 

The truth’s behind the sacred veil,
It can’t be found it’s not for sale
Besides, the truth is sharp and runs right through ya
When wisdom calls out to the streets
I won’t be there to hear her speak
I’m foolish, but I’ll sing the Hallelujah

Write a poem about Brad's fursona.

The tail of a lizard
the wings of a bird
Never seen someone draw it
It’s not even furred

Could it be that it’s cursed?
Could it be that it’s hexed?
That no artist can draw it,
Or they’ll be murdered next?

It doesn’t seem likely.
There’s no need to worry
It’s just really hard
To put up with a furry

You're the one who depicted his fursona by request--

If anyone's going to be affected by The Curse, it'll have to be you!

Dang, bamboozled again

totally hypothetical- if someone were to draw the fursona, would The Curse take effect even if it only lived on the internet for approximately 5 minutes before it was hastily squashed like a bug?

Look Crystalmethpeng, I don’t cook up the curses. You accusing me of witchcraft?

its all totally hypothetical (I say this as I wipe bug guts off my hands)

I don't think that's quite how it works. If you summon a goblin, you still have a significant goblin problem even if you managed to lock it in your basement. Perhaps even moreso because he's just gonna be down in there getting pissed off.