Player Comments on The Lost Emperor

This storygame took me longer to read than I would have liked. I think the main reason was that, for as much work and research clearly went into this, I actually really struggled to connect with the main character.

The use of third person in a storygame can sometimes be really effective, but in this instance, I think it contributed to me not being able to connect as strongly with what was going on. That, plus the very linear nature of this storygame made it hard for me to really care about what was going on or the characters.

One thing I did like here was the contrast between Yunwen's past personality and the persona he had to take on in order to survive. I would have liked a bit more of a 'culture shock' (for want of a better term) when it came to experiencing life in such a different way.

I did collect some items along the path I followed, but I was only able to figure out a spot where I could use one of them. At one point, I picked up a gourd, and assumed I would be able to use that to 'bond' with a sailor (who was drinking out of a gourd), but it wasn't possible there...and there didn't seem to be any other places where the item made sense. So some clues in the prose about where and when to use the items collected would be good.

There were three variables showing at the end of the page for the entire storygame, but they only seemed to come into play during one specific scene. I was a bit confused about why moves was a variable at that specific point, especially as the amount of moves reset every time I went to sleep. And while it was good to have money be one of the variables, it didn't seem to be one that I could increase in any way. And when I used it to buy the knife, the amount of money I had went into the minus figures. I'm not sure if that was intentional. Basically, the variables didn't seem to have a huge impact on the events of the storygame, and it would have been good to see them utilised more throughout the whole storygame.

I also noticed areas where the storygame switched tenses randomly...and there were a couple of times where the writing felt more modern.

I did find two of the endings in this storygame, and I would have tried to find more endings. However, I wasn't as engaged with the plot and the characters as I should have been. It's a great storygame with a lot of work put into it...but I think the use of third person POV meant I couldn't connect with Yunwen as a character. 5/8...but I would have scored higher if it wasn't for the issues I've mentioned above.

When I came across this storygame, I had high expectations. After all, there is a special quality to the stories you write that are unique to anything else. Even then, this story has not only reached my expectations, but has exceeded them.

/\/\ PLOT /\/\

While the beginning was mildly linear, it is well more than made up for with the rich composition of the story. As the story progresses and begin to branch out, you can see actual progress being made, and you can see firsthand how much many of the choices matter.
I also enjoyed the use of variables and items in the story - I feel they they completed the game, working well with the plot to create a literal adventure.

/\/\ CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT /\/\

My favorite aspect of the story, more than anything else, is the developments of the characters - to see how they grow and change depending on the choices you make. As you play through the story, you can see Yunwen change with each choice, slowly adapting to his environment. Furthermore, piecing together the stories of the other characters was a very enjoyable endeavor - and watching them grow and change alongside Yunwen was spectacular.

/\/\ STRUCTURE /\/\

I feel like I should offer some usable, constructive feedback on this story. I feel like the story succeeded at giving you just the right amount of exposition needed while reading, which is a great achievement in CYOA. If you were to make a ratio on the story content to game content, I would say that it is a steady 4/1. I find that to be an ideal balance, although it varies wildly between the preferences of the readers.

/\/\ SUMMARY /\/\

All in all, I truly enjoyed reading this story. The plot is interesting, the character arcs are no less than amazing, and there is a good story/game ratio. Besides the occasional barely noticeable typo or grammatical error, the story is written well and is very easy to read.

Why did you have to have such long sections of linearity? It's what kept this from being an 8/8. To add to the tragedy, you had a wonderfully made section (the town) where I had many options, yet I still had to note the linearity of the start. I'm also afraid that some may quit early after not having enough choices.

I did like the story. Yunwen's character arc was one I liked, but it's a plot type that I've always been fond of. I also enjoyed the lack of any info dumps. While I never found them hard, I view them as jarring for the story. This storygame never had those moments. :) For example, the way Yunwen (and I) had to piece together the pasts and stories of Lai Chun and Zhengli was well done.

My favorite section had to be the "wander around a town for four days" section. Fuzhou was an interesting place, and I know there's a few things that I missed. (I caught most of them though in my various playthroughs of this part.) Nonetheless, I found that I could do what felt to be most of the town's various things in the first day (after playing through enough to know exactly what to do). I may be missing something though. I you ever release a fuller walkthrough, then I'd look through it to see what I missed.

Two (very minor) things I found that I did not like: the items weren't coded into the links (so I had to pick up the item then leave the page... yes, I'm lazy) and you would use the phrase of "<insert noun> or something". The latter is probably just a pet peeve of mine, however.

Lastly, I found just a few grammar/spelling errors.

Overall, this's a solid addition to CYS's Edutainment section, and I found it to be a very enjoyable read. I'll also include in my referral list of good Edutainment games to the random newcomer who asks for them. :)

I quite enjoyed the writing in this piece. However, I think it would have been better served with a slightly more intuitive use of items. While each item use makes sense, the way they are used doesn't seem to be consistent. Which makes getting through the story rather bulky. Also, there are a lot of pages that have only one link on them, which isn't the best for a CYOA style story. That being said, the historical ambiance and the thoughts of the character are well done and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I've only gotten two endings, and I'll probably have to wait a while until it's not so fresh in my mind to find more.