Player Comments on Betrayal by the one you love

Was her comment necessary? By publishing a story, you put it out there for critique. If you don't want critique, don't publish. It's not a difficult concept, even for you guys. I'm sure if you struggle with it for a few minutes, you'll understand. I hereby grant you permission to cry me a second river.

Also, what's a sensitibe?

Was there any need for that 2nd comment JJJ? Maybe if you went out and actually met some real life girls you'd realise that most are quite sensitibe.

Story was linear but was OK

LOL. Cry me a river. This sucked. Do better next time.

I loved this story and for all you people that did not who cares don't comment on it if you have nothing nice to say plz and thanks

This really isn't a CYOA. There's only one real ending. I just feel like your venting, and it's annoying. There's a real lack of characterization and description, and your grammar needs a serious tune up, particularly with dialogue. When you want to have characters speak, do something like this:

"This dialogue is well written" Troy said, "I really like it."

Anyway, you need to put more effort into your next story because this isn't great at all.

I felt like this type of story should be longer with more details. It was difficult to connect with the story because of the lack of details. I didn't know who was who really.

I also felt like there wasn't much I could do. The branch of the storygame I played didn't even have the option to murder Troy!At least give me the option to beat him up or kick him in the.

I may be wrong, but a majority of the endings were the same, so it didn't feel like a storygame really.

Besides these errors, I actually enjoyed it! I hope to see better storygames in the future!