Player Comments on New Hogwarts

There's nothing obvious about the grammar that would point to the author being ESL, but while the English is good on that level, this is in every way an incomplete story. Even the small amount that's here is sloppy and rushed.

Obviously, finishing the story before publishing it would be a good start, but then you also need to be willing to proofread and fix mistakes. It's hard to see a story as a serious effort if the author doesn't take time to do any polishing.

Well, you might want to be better prepared before writing (and publishing) a CYOA.

First, read the articles in the "Help & Info" section, starting with the more generic ones on writing and how to build storygames. Then read, read a lot of storygames and books in English if you want to learn how to write in English. Then exercise, read some more and maybe post some excerpts or ask for feedback in the Writing Workshop on the forums. This is all so that you become aware of how a good storygame is written and can create one of your own.

Now, I'm saying all of this because your game had a one-liner per page (a paragraph in one lucky occasion) and had only aesthetic choices that didn't change anything in the game. The few lines you wrote also had some errors in more than one occasion; you could have proofread before publishing.

Another thing that you should know is that the description of the game should say what the game is actually about. This game isn't about Hogwarts; it's a very short linear prologue that leads you up until the point you have to board the train, and then... "The End! Hope you liked it, I'll maybe publish another snippet sooner or later." This should be a whole storygame, not a piece of it. If you want feedback on some of your writing as you go, tell us about it in the Writing Workshop, don't publish it.

You don't need to rush the writing process; why publish a broken thing if you can make it better with a little more time?

It's for fine, but I was hoping to finish the story!!!! Don't worry, your English is fine.