undr, The Contributor

Member Since

10/11/2017

Last Activity

12/13/2018 6:25 AM

EXP Points

190

Post Count

183

Storygame Count

0

Duel Stats

0 wins / 1 loss

Order

Warden

Commendations

21

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What the title says.

 

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points

Recent Posts

Crazy people be CRAZY!!! on 12/13/2018 6:25:02 AM

> It will push people to question everything.

Her sanity especially.

> My baby's name WILL be a revolution.

That would be fun, imagine babies with "Job of an ancestor-Actual name-Job of a relative" for a name. There would be plenty of Kings and Senators I'm sure.


50 words story thread. on 12/13/2018 6:09:39 AM

This would make a good prompt for a story. So did the board tell him to do that or did he cause it by himself just to get the promotion to a higher position?


50 words story thread. on 12/13/2018 5:53:35 AM

Lol this is why I don't duel.


50 words story thread. on 12/13/2018 5:49:15 AM

Unlike Danaos, I think the first one is as well-written as the other two. I liked all three of them but my favourites were perhaps the first and the last one, as the second didn't describe a situation that was particularly unheard of (even if it can be a good start for a sea adventure). All three used the last sentence to turn the story around but managed to feel complete even with these open endings.


50 words story thread. on 12/12/2018 5:30:03 PM

Never played Alpha Centauri but I've just watched that cutscene and yes, it would definitely take a long and elaborate storyline just for a dissenter to make it out of there alive. Better to simply sketch the idea with those 50 words.


A new dawn is here. on 12/12/2018 1:16:12 PM

Oh hi, we will question. Are you just trying to copy and paste Undertale's plot into CYOA format, or can we expect something that's actually your work?


50 words story thread. on 12/12/2018 7:54:23 AM

The idea is nice, butterflies seem to have some overly serious connotations for being such innocuous bugs.

The execution isn't the best but, in your defense, it wasn't an easy task. The meter is slightly wonky and chaos and pathos don't actually rhyme but are only assonances. It's weird but interesting seeing butterfly written as a masculine noun.


Frostbite on 12/12/2018 5:09:56 AM

I've already shared some thoughts on Discord but I'll add something here. I liked the new paragraph involving the aunt, it shed some light on the Reeves's background and made me curious to know what happened to his father. I won't say much about grammar, Zake already covered part of it and you haven't proofread yet. Just be sure to pay attention to verb tenses. The setting is interesting and I've always had a fondness for Narniaesque atmospheres. Can't wait to read more about the lore since you have introduced these Pete and Inador figures.


50 words story thread. on 12/12/2018 4:02:46 AM

Lol nice dystopian piece. The length itself here works in your favour by highlighting how short-lived and futile that act was.


50 words story thread. on 12/11/2018 10:03:47 AM

Oh that makes sense. I thought the prince had died from natural causes and then they performed the dark ritual with the lamb to protect the tomb. Kind of like a pharao curse. Sacrificing the prince itself to summon the demon is more interesting for the story though.