ISentinelPenguinI, The Novelist

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

2/22/2017 12:21 AM

EXP Points

1,344

Post Count

7231

Storygame Count

2

Duel Stats

73 wins / 80 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

18

"Vigorous when facing the beating of ten thousand heavy waves, ardent just like the rays of the red sun, having courage like forged iron and bones as hard as refined steel, having lofty ambitions and excellent foresight, I worked extremely hard to become a strong and courageous hero. In order to become a hero, one should strive to become stronger every day; an ardent man shines brighter than the sun."- A Man of Determination, one translation from Wordpress.

"Lo, my shiny poster trophy sits before me on this day of days. Notice that it is bigger and shinier than the trophy of Thisisbo. Eat shit, Thisisbo."

"Hail to the king, baby."

"All internet forums are just massive deraling threads, endlessly." -Madglee

"The skies of Cystia are filled with fickle winds..."

"Join the Furfuck Army! Or don't. It's really not everyone's bag. That is definitely our word, though... I think?"

"Each cycle of the universe can be divided into 12 phases: Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Phase 5, Phase 6, Phase 7, Phase 8, Phase 9, Phase 10, Phase 11, and Phase 12. That's when shit gets ESPECIALLY wacky." - Journey to the West, rough translation.

"Nothing could possibly be intended as sexual if the party in question is fully clothed." -The 2nd Law of Thara

"..."

"Roses are red, violets are blue. I can't make haikus, Endmaster hates me for being a furry." -Jihelu

"Savor jokes and proclaim them when the time is right. Yepyep." -Tanstaafl

"Sandwiches are damn sexy, this is fact."

"A spork is not pork but to hork to be a fork. It must spoon it's way to sporkhood and avoid torks before it becomes true spork."- Fireplay.

"A terrible ploy to get people into the spork monopoly we live under." -Swiftstryker

"Drowning in literal shit would be a shitty way to go. Glad you perservered." -Bucky

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."- Ernest Hemingway.

#KielFarrenMolestsTentacleMonsters

"I will honour Chanukwanzmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will use the stolen Timespace Portaloo to live in the past, present, and future simultaneously."

#StoptheMadness

"TLOU was a mistake. It's nothing but trash."

"The Legend of Spyro was a mistake. It's nothing but trash."

"Basically it means, you're free to go into a gay white supremacist bar and call them a bunch of Nazi faggots, but you can't be surprised when they kick your ass soon afterwards."-Endmaster on Free Speech

"And I thought I was the only guy who listened to 80s sex music when looking at furry art."-Jamescoker1226

"Has eviscerating peers and cannibalizing rivals ever been a problem in the 21st century?" -Swiftstryker

"Now you guys better behave, or else we will send a giant fox to nom your kiddos." -Allegedly the Greek Gods

"Arthur was a terrible show." -Person who is right.

"Women without mustaches are generally the best kind to date." -Aman

"A cunt I am, then." -T-Count.

"There are certain things you encounter in this life that just don't lie. Yoga pants, for example. Those don't lie. I also don't lie, unfortunately."

"Never suspect genius of being behind something that could just as easily have been perpetrated by stupidity. Especially not if the deed at hand is fucking stupid!"

"The movie is actually already based on Marquis De Sade’s book (Which is FAR more graphic than any movie) and honestly he wasn’t writing that one to make any meaningful political or ideological point. He just wanted to write as much fucked up shit as he could cram into his book because it amused him to do so and he was probably laughing and jerking off the whole time he was writing it. (Don’t get me wrong, that was his right as an author after all)" - Endmaster on Salo

"Here be ye olden stick of the roundeth table. It poketh with the best of them."-Aman

"Don't be a twatbiting assborn fuckface."

"Happy Halloween... Or whatever the fuck holiday it is right now."

#RealPBJHasCrust

"I fail to see where I'm included in this, unless you're calling me an Eldritch horror just because I can put myself back together after being thrown in a human-sized blender. In that case, I'm very offended."

"I think I am[ using threaded view], I mean, I'm using a laptop." -NeverRead

"Sorry, honey, I don't go that way, and no way in hell I'll stop grieving over my conjoined twin just because you want to sodomize me!"

"I was going to make a Mormon joke, but then I asked myself, 'Self, what did Mormons ever do to you?" and I made an H.P. Lovecraft reference instead. Isn't empathy beautiful?"

"The only difference between Jihelu and I is that I only have one set of genitals. And, doggone it, people like me!"

CLICK MY PROFILE PICTURE AGAIN! CLICK MY PROFILE PICTURE AGAIN, I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! CLICK IT ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!

"'Cus tonight we're gonna conquer like it's Twelve-Seventy-One!"

By clicking this profile picture and being called Ford, Steve, or BradInDvorak, you have expressed the agreement that your soul, all its contents, and whatever you're holding in your hands right now are officially my property for all intents and purposes until further notice. Terms can be negotiated, but they will not be fair.

"I have to admit, I'm behind Iavatus 100%. Kiel is a bona fide assborn shitmonkey from the farthest reaches of the hot Naraka with all the cocaine and ass-rape in. He sexually objectifies sandwiches and stood with the EVIL Quiller during Faction War XXXIV. Kiel, you're a quaalude-indulging, whale-molesting Communist bastard and a whore for the New World Order, and you should be very ashamed for letting me touch the Conflict Ball that seemingly fell through the ceiling for some Farking reason."

"That was related though... What was wrong with that? That was probably my most on-topic reply I've ever posted. I was serious too, and mature about it." -Proto-Ford

"I am the only successful clone of a human being" -Tim36D

"That's my secret, Captain. I'm always sexual." -Ford

"Dunno, it's been a while since I touched that area." - Tacocat

"SEE YA LATER, SHITLORD?"

"I'm so sorry, Sethaniel. Shit sucks several schlongers."

"And then, when Ryder's revenge plot is in ashes, Mr. Blaze, you have my permission to die."

"While I'm clearly the superior, CWC and I are at least similar enough in attitude and quality of work to be Death Battle contestants. I like my chances, really. I could trick him into breaking his own arm."

"WE MUST TAKE CTHULHU, AND WE MUST SACRIFICE HIM TO HIMSELF!"

"I never asked for this."

"No, I'm not Voldemort. When I pop up, it's SHEERLY coincidence!... Now, if you could just hop over the fence and ask that guard man to read this note out loud..."

"Allowing the sky and sea to amass energy for me to split heaven and part the earth, to fight for my aspirations. Watching the stature and grandure of jade coloured waves, at the same time watching the vastness jade coloured sky, let our noble spirit soar. I am a man and I must strive to strengthen myself. Walking with firm steps and standing upright let us all aspire to be a pillar of the society, and to be a hero. Using our hundredfold warmth, to bring forth a thousandfold of brilliance, be a hero. Be ardent and with strong courage. Shine brighter than the sun."- A Man of Detemination, one translation from Wordpress.

"SHOGI!" -Aman

WELCOME TO THE RICE FIELDS, MUTHAFUCKAA!

"Ignore Mizal. She's a bitch. I'm clearly the better version." -The 3rd Law of Thara

"Arthur was a great show at the time, just sayin." -Honor4Ever

"The ability to murder Nazis with or without your bare hands is a critical part of any relationship. By law, you cannot be mated without it!... Wait a sec, it says 'marital status' on the census, not 'martial status'. This trip to the top of Mt. Fuji was just a bonding experience."

"What a Jew! Wow, this got racist." -Jihelu

"War is good, if you win. War sucks if it goes on and on for long periods of time. I mean, just look at China!"- Sun Tzu.

"Pass the goddamn, motherfucking, pissing, shitting, Jesus-Christing, ass-puking, dick-buttering, clit-twiddling, nose-fingering, yeast-infected salt, goddammit!"

"Sonic the Hedgehog was a mistake. It's nothing but trash."

"I'd rather fight a horse." - Endmaster

"If the derailment is about me, it should be deleted, and the perpetrators relieved of their points!" -The 8th Law of Thara

AASSSSS...

MAKE THIS MANBIRD PRESIDENT!

"If my points are docked, it's for a silly and minor reason!" -The 12th Law of Thara

"Cheaty bastard. If not that TITS, what TITS!? Someone clearly knows where to find the phat beatsies."

"BEGONE, ADBOT FILT- Oh, wait, it's just you..."

"Jesus Christ kills people with a screwdriver, so it COULD be Hell." -Attempting to decipher the setting of Flan, by Stephen Tunney

"Hah! Eat your heart out, Tim!"

"I got this gem on another forum where a discussion about how democracy is wrong ended up with people flaming eachother over their favorite nazi hentai and a brick joke about aneurysm." -Marmotlord​

"The Sarcophagus is that way, Dr.Jones36D!"

One of 78 randomly selected WISDOM NUGGETS will appear on this wordspace every time the PROFILE PICTURE is clicked. Have you the patience and the courage to collect them all? Fuck, nevermind, it's been destroyed. ALL DESTROYED.

If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Posting 7231 Forum Posts Rated 51.0% of all Stories

Storygames

A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All.

I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he reccomended. Because blatant recklessness that could potentially break an entire webpage is something I do from time to time. This is a test, to see whether or not I should actually convert one of my projects to an advanced game. This was surprisingly easy, and with what I have in mind, I probably will...


Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.

this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk


biddleshite
unpublished

fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.


Class Animals
unpublished

Well, shit.


FWDR
unpublished

Flame Wars Dice Roller.


monster roar roar!!
unpublished , coauthor

yrr8s s/ht ;m6g tns/ yd6;r t;y

;m8c kc6b n;hw / hs/n/f dn6 ;v6h r[8y dn/m nw8lb


Pictures Test
unpublished

Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.


Snakes on a boat: a True Story, Bro.
unpublished

Pretty self explanatory adventure I had way back in the days when I had a Garry's mod server. (It crashed of complications on account of the fact that I didn't have or use steam.) I hope you like it. (The only good ending is when you choose the path that actually happened. There's an in-game reward if you get it.) NOTE: I am fully aware that many of the action/fighting sequences are blatantly impossible in garry's mod. This is my INTENTIONAL sprucing up of the story, it would be horribly bland if I said "You swing your crowbar and hit, he shoots and doesn't hit." over and over again, because that's generally all the combat that takes place in garry's mod. (Or any sandbox game not focusing on combat to begin with).


Recent Posts

The 83rd official Skyrim Thread on 2/21/2017 11:20:56 PM

So I've started a new game with the combat difficulty all the way up just to say I could complete 3 guilds and the main quest before level 50, and so far, I've been doing fine by sneaking around and then sword-and-shielding it when things get hairy. Because draugr are lazy bastards that forget to wake up before Cogan the Barber comes by and kills them, my level us now nearing the double digits and my stealth is in the high 50s/low 60s. Now, this sucks, because stealth is not at all how I go about murdering people, and the level scaling system seems to be blissfully unaware of this. However, I can burgle like a champ, and I'm pretty damn good at the lockpicking minigame, so none of the houses in any village I go to have any food left in them, and Alvor still doesn't know where all his good shit went.

Unfortunately, because I was dicking around in the middle of nowhere instead of pushing the plot wagon, I'm now running around at late level 8 with underpowered gear, and wouldn't you know it, I've come home to Whiterun after a markedly premature encounter with some Draugr Wight Wizards, and a magical surprise attack by a wizard lady who didn't like when I broke into her basement and stole everything. (Should've murdered her first, that atronach-summoning twatwaffle!)

Point is, I'm out of food and drink, and three thugs are always murdering me outsude Whiterun. I do not have a shield big enough to block all three of them when they gang-rape me, and I do not have enough health-replenishers to kill them all. I only have 100 mana because Cogan the Barber takes no stock in petty wizardry.

I have 3 questions:

1. Will they despawn/disband if I run off, lose them, and then steal all the food from Honningbrew and all the fishing shanties before coming back to kill them?

2. Are there any good corners around Whiterun (or in general, anywhere arounf Skyrim, since this isn't going to be the last time someone catches me stealing and I've failed to prepare for level-scaling threats) to trap man-sized NPCs just within killing distance? I'm willing to plink away at them for an hour with my 0 archery skills if that's what it takes.

3. These would be the first full steel sets of armor I've seen all game. Are they at all worth upgrading from banded iron, in practical use or in their pawn value?


Aloris: The King's Son on 2/21/2017 7:14:42 PM

Wait, why is the king's son grounds for dispute? What importance does he have? I mean, especially since he's a newborn?


EndMaster’s Edgelord Contest on 2/21/2017 4:38:11 PM

Wait, was that a thing that happened? Thara, how often do you reminisce about things I've said? I'd say something edgy, but I'm honestly starting to worry.


EndMaster’s Edgelord Contest on 2/21/2017 4:28:25 PM

I think you're the only one who has the fixation. I typed in random numbers, because I assume you have more rules than whatever I typed in. You didn't even bother to make a point with that, you just somehow connected it to my statement on Comedy Morals through some miracle of moon logic, which leads me to believe that, for some reason, you've read through my profile and were somehow bothered by it. There are holes in your edge, which makes the machete too flimsy. You need to work on that.

Speaking of things you need to work on, now you're accusing furries of fucking animals, and calling me cringy back without even a spin on the old pleasantries. It's like you're not even trying! Sure, if I was being randomly accosted by a Dutch guy and said "Wah, uhh, go back to your waffles!" that would be silly. It needs to be artful in order for the edge to come through. You need something with a new spin on it if you wish to truly discriminate against a minority in a way that doesn't seem as forced at this clearly is. If you're randomly accosted by a Dutch guy, say, "Don't you have a dyke to be fingering right now, windmill-fucker?" ~Original Joke, Do Not Schumer!~

This fuck-yelling Thara is different than the other one, though. The one who justifies her utter lack of balls and creativity by the fact that she's now morally obligated to go around killing wheelchair people is way more entertaining and respectable than sarcastic Thara, so I'm gonna hold back on any further criticism just in case you take it as a sign that you should flip back. You've genuinely improved, and for that, I thank you from the bottom of my unendingly irritated heart.

But seriously, at least put a credits section at the end of the derailment. The people who wrote your jokes for you have careers and families.


EndMaster’s Edgelord Contest on 2/21/2017 3:43:11 PM

Now normally I don't object to Thara being called out for being a cringy twatburger, but seriously? I mean, we normally let felons who steal from successful people off with 30 days in prison, tops, but Dane Cook is fucking overdone at this point. It's been decades! Amy Schumer is a much more apt, less overkill comparison. Especially because it's been so fucking overlooked.


The Cystia Roll of Honour on 2/20/2017 6:44:27 PM

I suppose you really are a gentleman. You've got noble inbred dyslexia and everything!


The Cystia Roll of Honour on 2/20/2017 2:36:08 PM

What the fuck is a Chamberlain!? It's some kind of Butler! Why the hell does Wibbins get to be a fucking Captain, but I have to be some asshole's house manager!? I don't even know what they're the captain of, but it's sure as shit more useful than being someone's full-time interior designer. Fuck's sake, man!


A weird idea on 2/18/2017 8:41:30 PM

1. Nice magic system. I remember Classic Runescape too.

2. Why the fuck are Ice ki and Water Ki different? Ice is modified water, so shouldn't it be Water Ki plus something else? What's the point of having Ice Ki for something that's sheerly ice spell if you have to use water anyway? 


For Honor on 2/18/2017 12:49:33 AM

Yes, primarily by people who were pretty much bought by/sworn for life to serve the Daimyo. Ninjas are special forces employed by the big generals, just like samurai. If the Samurai and Warrior Monks* all serve a single leader/region, they'd own the Ninja as well.

*Which is probably what the Nobushi is, based sheerly on the lack of armor and spear usage. But they could also be mountain bandits. Translations of the name aren't exactly clear on that.


For Honor on 2/18/2017 12:36:42 AM

^This. Hell, the whole point of the Kanabo is that it breaks swords and spears. It's not like people carried it into battle with any other purpose in mind, it's obviously not supposed to be a thing that directs force through armor.