ISentinelPenguinI, The Novelist
One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.
He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"
He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"
He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor. At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.
10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...
The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.
"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"
He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.
Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.
The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.
"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.
The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.
"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.
Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.
It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.
If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.
this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk
I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he recommended. This was low-effort as all hell, don't ever use the classic editor for anything you care about.
AQIMFTBHOIA DLC: THE UPDATE DESCRIPTION
Since some of my questions contained outdated information and I needed to make sure everything was in working order, I unpublished this thing. Since I understand this to be something that generally fucks with ratings, I'm gonna add 5 more questions so you have more of a reason to rate it again. Also, every question now has a stupid answer. These are the ones that are so blatantly wrong/non-answers that they give you negative points... Some are better hidden than others. Aside from most of the endings being revamped, there are two new endings! One is for people who're spectacularly awful at quizzes, and the other is an ending for people who go off the beaten path... By being really bad at quizzes.
No, I will not add a thing at the end that shows your score. If you want to know your score, you have to dick-measure in the comments yourself. Drill Sergeant Nasty has always been an accurate barometer for how well you did, in my eyes.
fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.
Flame Wars Dice Roller.
Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.
In a strange world where World War I hasn't even happened yet, Law and order is the only accepted form of justice. Until NOW.
Enter Mild-Mannered Clifford T. Boot, 2nd class passenger on the world-famous vessel, the Titanic. Haunted by the shadows of his war-torn past, Clifford bought a ticket to the United States of America looking for a new life. But trouble always finds Clifford, and when an innocent widow and her child are kidnapped by a cult dedicated to resurrecting Napoleon, he has no choice but to return to his old ways and save them... Because for some motherfuckers, mass tragedy doesn't come soon enough.
Articles WrittenA Tutorial for Teachers
Recent PostsCYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/22/2018 5:48:53 AM
The trouble with choices like this, is that absolutely no critical thinking whatsoever can aid you! How are we supposed to figure out which choice will kill us and which one won't!? If we dodge left, we might charge headlong into a pile of clowns! If we dodge right? We might trip over a bunch of jokers! We're stuck! Stuck right in the middle with this headless horse ass!
The best case I can make for either choice (which is better than I can make for a story with no images that would do this) is that our left is where his sword is. It would take slightly less effort for him to hit us from the left than it would if we dodged to the right.
CYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/21/2018 2:05:29 PM
The second one has slightly more one-liner potential.
"LOCK IN LOAD!"
Although we shouldn't neglect the usual cheesy lines that come with throwing books in general.
"Cover your face! This might leave a bookmark!"
"You could use some shelf-awareness right about now."
"I'm about to put words right into your mouth!"
"It's time to hit the books!"
"This isn't a novel to be tossed aside lightly!"
"I'm about to make you an author you can't refuse!"
So many one-liners, so little time!
What do yall think of my story? on 7/21/2018 8:43:43 AM
I think this goes in the Writing Workshop, but you should probably just wait until a mod moves it. I'd do the Endmaster Summoning ritual, but I can't remember whether that brings him to do multiple modly tasks, or it exclusively causes him to kill whoever does it. I'm not a gambling bird.
As far as criticism goes, you're very... Economical, with establishing what's happening. This way I get a picture of what's going on, but frankly it's kind of a bland one. Atmosphere is the order of the day in any horror game, if I were you I'd try and spend more time establishing what it would feel like to be in the protagonist's situation.
CYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/21/2018 8:15:19 AM
The statue is probably heavier. The bookshelf is more liable to just fall over and/or make your other hammer harder to get to at any rate.
CYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/21/2018 5:28:46 AM
Yeah, that filthy grifter can get eaten by zombies for all I care! B all the way.
CYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/20/2018 10:31:56 PM
20 bucks!? What is this, some sort of tourist attraction? We haven't been killing actors and animatronics this whole time, have we!? Smash the door down! We need to get to the bottom of this house of mirrors and see whether Hammer is just some delusional handyman in a Halloween costume killing people because he's on PCP.
CYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/20/2018 10:09:42 AM
Let's get the zombie to do the work for us. Wouldn't want to lose one of the hammers in the walls of this flimsy place!
CYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/20/2018 9:34:14 AM
This coffin thing seems like a pretty good full-body shield, and I doubt the knight-zombie has the wherewithal to hit small moving targets like our hands and legs. Let's charge at him! We don't appear to have our hammers right now, so throwing it would just give him our only real weapon.
CYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/20/2018 7:14:40 AM
Wait a second! That was both a dodge and a block! You cheated, I think!
Nevermind about that, we should smash the sword. If we wait for him to get the sword out again, we may as well have done nothing in the first place!
CYOA Game: Hammer vs Zombies! (with art) on 7/20/2018 5:55:12 AM
I mean, it's entirely possible to, y'know, continue from the previous choice after death, rather than railroad us into something different in a way that has no entertainment value.
It's always better to die a magnificent death and go back, than to be mildly inconvenienced without violence or fanfare!