ISentinelPenguinI, The Novelist

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

3/30/2017 12:28 PM

EXP Points

1,356

Post Count

7527

Storygame Count

2

Duel Stats

75 wins / 80 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

21

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.

He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"

He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"

He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor.  At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.

10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...

The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"

He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.

Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.

The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.

The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.

"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.

Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.

It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Posting 7526 Forum Posts Rated 50.6% of all Stories

Storygames

A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All.

I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he reccomended. Because blatant recklessness that could potentially break an entire webpage is something I do from time to time. This is a test, to see whether or not I should actually convert one of my projects to an advanced game. This was surprisingly easy, and with what I have in mind, I probably will...


Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.

this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk


biddleshite
unpublished

fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.


FWDR
unpublished

Flame Wars Dice Roller.


monster roar roar!!
unpublished , coauthor

yrr8s s/ht ;m6g tns/ yd6;r t;y

;m8c kc6b n;hw / hs/n/f dn6 ;v6h r[8y dn/m nw8lb


Pictures Test
unpublished

Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.


Snakes on a boat: a True Story, Bro.
unpublished

Pretty self explanatory adventure I had way back in the days when I had a Garry's mod server. (It crashed of complications on account of the fact that I didn't have or use steam.) I hope you like it. (The only good ending is when you choose the path that actually happened. There's an in-game reward if you get it.) NOTE: I am fully aware that many of the action/fighting sequences are blatantly impossible in garry's mod. This is my INTENTIONAL sprucing up of the story, it would be horribly bland if I said "You swing your crowbar and hit, he shoots and doesn't hit." over and over again, because that's generally all the combat that takes place in garry's mod. (Or any sandbox game not focusing on combat to begin with).


Recent Posts

Chaos Contest on 3/30/2017 12:07:19 PM

Very carefully.


IAMA Crazy Old Owl, AMA on 3/29/2017 11:46:08 PM

Quite honestly, it doesn't get that much better when he has hair.


IAMA Crazy Old Owl, AMA on 3/29/2017 11:18:55 PM

PFF yeah right. Idubbbz looks downright evil without hair. He most likely had to be happily married and a medium-high ranking business adult in order to show that he was good despite suffering from supervillain-style baldage! If there hadn't been a boss for him to remind you of, I'm sure you'd immediately jump to the conclusion that he is a racist!

Then again, I have come to expect the worst out of human beings.


IAMA Crazy Old Owl, AMA on 3/29/2017 10:55:11 PM

Just go to an Alpaca-owned store and start intently pointing at things until they've said all the nouns. You'll either be able to say the names of those items in Alpaca, or say how much they cost to buy new at Alpaca Co.


IAMA Crazy Old Owl, AMA on 3/29/2017 9:36:42 PM

This is how you pull off baldness:

Image result for sir patrick stewart

Notice how he has rounded out, friendly-looking features. At worst, he looks like a biker dad, at best, he looks like Sir Patrick Stewart.

Fashionably Bald Figure B:

Image result for jet li bald

This is Gordon Liu. Notice how he is also pretty good at being bald. Much like Patrick Stewart, he is bald for a living. He does not have a single role in his entire career when he has not been utterly bald. And that's okay, because it suits him. His facial features are flexible and easy on the eyes by themselves, so he doesn't need hair to guide your eyes around his face the right way, because his face alone does all the work.

HOWEVER,

I'm all angular, like this guy:

Related image

Now, a guy with this kind of face does not have the proper "frame" or bluntness of facial features to pull off baldness. It gives off the sense that they didn't shave their head to be fashionable, but rather because they had a disease, or because they were trying to fit in with, say, Neo-Hitler. I mean, just look at this 'Idubbbz' character. It's like he has cancer or something.


IAMA Crazy Old Owl, AMA on 3/29/2017 4:48:53 PM

None, she's an owl. An owl that gets hit with a rock would be broken in 7 different ways and getting put down at the yellowstone animal clinic and/or getting eaten by forest doggos.


IAMA Crazy Old Owl, AMA on 3/29/2017 12:46:26 PM

What!? 100 duck-sized horses is a fucking 200 pound swarm of angry, charging animals with sharp feet and scalp-removers for mouths. 1 horse sized duck doesn't really have any means of harming you. It can bite, but it doesn't turn around very easily. It could flap, but the directions there are limited and it wouldn't hit very hard. It could kick or stomp, but if you've managed to get under either of these animals, you've already lost.


Mizal, Snake Scissorer on 3/29/2017 10:39:22 AM

Yeah, but Conan's track record with giant snakes is pretty low, in that case. I mean, the comparison is factually true, but Conan's not exactly a pro giant snake killer.


Mizal, Snake Scissorer on 3/29/2017 10:36:21 AM

If you live out in the country, killing animals that get into places you don't want is a thing that happens all the time.

Groundhogs, for instance. They're fucked up.


Mizal, Snake Scissorer on 3/29/2017 10:30:34 AM

I mean, there's pics of decapitated snakes next to gardening tools and shit. Someone must have killed them, and we already know Mizal is a misanthropic hermit, so it must have been her who decapitated these snakes.

And, I mean, you'd be surprised what you can do with scissors if you can get things to hold still (I.E. Pin its head under a dustpan)