ISentinelPenguinI, The Novelist

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

7/24/2017 7:15 PM

EXP Points

1,390

Post Count

8209

Storygame Count

2

Duel Stats

75 wins / 81 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

21

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.

He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"

He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"

He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor.  At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.

10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...

The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"

He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.

Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.

The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.

The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.

"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.

Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.

It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Posting 8208 Forum Posts Rated 49.2% of all Stories

Storygames

A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All.

I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he reccomended. Because blatant recklessness that could potentially break an entire webpage is something I do from time to time. This is a test, to see whether or not I should actually convert one of my projects to an advanced game. This was surprisingly easy, and with what I have in mind, I probably will...


Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.

this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk


biddleshite
unpublished

fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.


FWDR
unpublished

Flame Wars Dice Roller.


monster roar roar!!
unpublished , coauthor

yrr8s s/ht ;m6g tns/ yd6;r t;y

;m8c kc6b n;hw / hs/n/f dn6 ;v6h r[8y dn/m nw8lb


Pictures Test
unpublished

Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.


Recent Posts

Game of Thrones Season 7 on 7/24/2017 3:10:18 AM

Well yeah, Doomsday is a pretty overpowered bullshit counter in certain circumstances, but hey, fuck it, I hate Superman, and he kills Superman, if only for a few months. Except there's 4 or 5 Supermans in game of Thrones, and he's already smashed 2 of 'em, so he's even better than Doomsday.


Repressed Memories on 7/23/2017 7:06:41 PM

Hate to go with the middle-schooler's typical "what a weak comeback" line, but I can't say I disagree with it. The form is clearly lacking here. You've countered literally nothing he's said, despite him countering your claims in a sarcastic and funny way. You've made a post that not only moves the goalposts (I'm too bored to provide actual examples, so I'll just insult him on a completely different basis that he's not good enough to get published.) but continues rolling on an old point that wasn't very good to begin with. (Site vs. Sight) It wasn't even funny, and it makes you look like you're full of shit. You've undone yourself with a single post of untrained salt. Basic internet should've prepared you for this. Keep those hands up, you featherweight!


Fun Writing Activity on 7/22/2017 6:16:14 PM

Dum-dum is word, God Dammit's compound.


Fun Writing Activity on 7/22/2017 4:46:39 PM

In the dum-dum hole of course!


Fun Writing Activity on 7/22/2017 3:55:42 AM

Understood, not as perfect as me.


Fun Writing Activity on 7/22/2017 1:46:32 AM

That's technically 7 too, you know.


Fun Writing Activity on 7/22/2017 1:06:09 AM

That's seven words, you silly chungus.


Fun Writing Activity on 7/22/2017 12:31:22 AM

Why make it political?... Just... Why?


Fun Writing Activity on 7/22/2017 12:28:22 AM

That's not where the idiots go!


Repressed Memories on 7/21/2017 3:22:25 PM

In the age of Cats,

The world was unformed, shrouded by fog,

A land of long arguments, freeform, and everlasting faggots.

But then 3J returned for a few seconds.

With 3J came disparity. Flame wars and chill shit, life and banishment, and, of course, light and dark.

Then, from the dark they came,

And found the souls of Mods within the flame.

Sethaniel, the Mod that is dead,

The Witch of Farren and his children of whininess.

Berka, the Lord of Hammers, and his faithful kitten-smashers

And the furtive, bitter assholes that were never promoted and made up the rest of the userbase.

And with the strength of Mods, they challenged the faggots.

Berka's mighty hammer crushed and bent their cat bones,

The bitches weaved great shitstorms,

Sethaniel unleashed a miasma of salt and then silence,

And Derpbacon the wolflike betrayed his own, and the Warrior Cats were no more.

Thus began the age of Flames

But soon, the flames will fade and only darkness will remain.

Even now, there are only embers and the users see not flames but endless dormancy.

And amongst the living, there are still a lot of stupid faggots talking out of their asses all the time.