ISentinelPenguinI, The Novelist

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

1/21/2017 6:43 PM

EXP Points

1,307

Post Count

6982

Storygame Count

2

Duel Stats

72 wins / 80 losses

Order

Lauded Sage

Commendations

15

"Vigorous when facing the beating of ten thousand heavy waves, ardent just like the rays of the red sun, having courage like forged iron and bones as hard as refined steel, having lofty ambitions and excellent foresight, I worked extremely hard to become a strong and courageous hero. In order to become a hero, one should strive to become stronger every day; an ardent man shines brighter than the sun."- A Man of Determination, one translation from Wordpress.

"Lo, my shiny poster trophy sits before me on this day of days. Notice that it is bigger and shinier than the trophy of Thisisbo. Eat shit, Thisisbo."

"Hail to the king, baby."

"All internet forums are just massive deraling threads, endlessly." -Madglee

"The skies of Cystia are filled with fickle winds..."

"Join the Furfuck Army! Or don't. It's really not everyone's bag. That is definitely our word, though... I think?"

"Each cycle of the universe can be divided into 12 phases: Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Phase 5, Phase 6, Phase 7, Phase 8, Phase 9, Phase 10, Phase 11, and Phase 12. That's when shit gets ESPECIALLY wacky." - Journey to the West, rough translation.

"Nothing could possibly be intended as sexual if the party in question is fully clothed." -The 2nd Law of Thara

"..."

"Roses are red, violets are blue. I can't make haikus, Endmaster hates me for being a furry." -Jihelu

"Savor jokes and proclaim them when the time is right. Yepyep." -Tanstaafl

"Sandwiches are damn sexy, this is fact."

"A spork is not pork but to hork to be a fork. It must spoon it's way to sporkhood and avoid torks before it becomes true spork."- Fireplay.

"A terrible ploy to get people into the spork monopoly we live under." -Swiftstryker

"Drowning in literal shit would be a shitty way to go. Glad you perservered." -Bucky

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."- Ernest Hemingway.

#KielFarrenMolestsTentacleMonsters

"I will honour Chanukwanzmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will use the stolen Timespace Portaloo to live in the past, present, and future simultaneously."

#StoptheMadness

"TLOU was a mistake. It's nothing but trash."

"The Legend of Spyro was a mistake. It's nothing but trash."

"Basically it means, you're free to go into a gay white supremacist bar and call them a bunch of Nazi faggots, but you can't be surprised when they kick your ass soon afterwards."-Endmaster on Free Speech

"And I thought I was the only guy who listened to 80s sex music when looking at furry art."-Jamescoker1226

"Has eviscerating peers and cannibalizing rivals ever been a problem in the 21st century?" -Swiftstryker

"Now you guys better behave, or else we will send a giant fox to nom your kiddos." -Allegedly the Greek Gods

"Arthur was a terrible show." -Person who is right.

"Women without mustaches are generally the best kind to date." -Aman

"A cunt I am, then." -T-Count.

"There are certain things you encounter in this life that just don't lie. Yoga pants, for example. Those don't lie. I also don't lie, unfortunately."

"Never suspect genius of being behind something that could just as easily have been perpetrated by stupidity. Especially not if the deed at hand is fucking stupid!"

"The movie is actually already based on Marquis De Sade’s book (Which is FAR more graphic than any movie) and honestly he wasn’t writing that one to make any meaningful political or ideological point. He just wanted to write as much fucked up shit as he could cram into his book because it amused him to do so and he was probably laughing and jerking off the whole time he was writing it. (Don’t get me wrong, that was his right as an author after all)" - Endmaster on Salo

"Here be ye olden stick of the roundeth table. It poketh with the best of them."-Aman

"Don't be a twatbiting assborn fuckface."

"Happy Halloween... Or whatever the fuck holiday it is right now."

#RealPBJHasCrust

"I fail to see where I'm included in this, unless you're calling me an Eldritch horror just because I can put myself back together after being thrown in a human-sized blender. In that case, I'm very offended."

"I think I am[ using threaded view], I mean, I'm using a laptop." -NeverRead

"Sorry, honey, I don't go that way, and no way in hell I'll stop grieving over my conjoined twin just because you want to sodomize me!"

"I was going to make a Mormon joke, but then I asked myself, 'Self, what did Mormons ever do to you?" and I made an H.P. Lovecraft reference instead. Isn't empathy beautiful?"

"The only difference between Jihelu and I is that I only have one set of genitals. And, doggone it, people like me!"

CLICK MY PROFILE PICTURE AGAIN! CLICK MY PROFILE PICTURE AGAIN, I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU, MOTHERFUCKER! CLICK IT ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME!

"'Cus tonight we're gonna conquer like it's Twelve-Seventy-One!"

By clicking this profile picture and being called Ford, Steve, or BradInDvorak, you have expressed the agreement that your soul, all its contents, and whatever you're holding in your hands right now are officially my property for all intents and purposes until further notice. Terms can be negotiated, but they will not be fair.

"I have to admit, I'm behind Iavatus 100%. Kiel is a bona fide assborn shitmonkey from the farthest reaches of the hot Naraka with all the cocaine and ass-rape in. He sexually objectifies sandwiches and stood with the EVIL Quiller during Faction War XXXIV. Kiel, you're a quaalude-indulging, whale-molesting Communist bastard and a whore for the New World Order, and you should be very ashamed for letting me touch the Conflict Ball that seemingly fell through the ceiling for some Farking reason."

"That was related though... What was wrong with that? That was probably my most on-topic reply I've ever posted. I was serious too, and mature about it." -Proto-Ford

"I am the only successful clone of a human being" -Tim36D

"That's my secret, Captain. I'm always sexual." -Ford

"Dunno, it's been a while since I touched that area." - Tacocat

"SEE YA LATER, SHITLORD?"

"I'm so sorry, Sethaniel. Shit sucks several schlongers."

"And then, when Ryder's revenge plot is in ashes, Mr. Blaze, you have my permission to die."

"While I'm clearly the superior, CWC and I are at least similar enough in attitude and quality of work to be Death Battle contestants. I like my chances, really. I could trick him into breaking his own arm."

"WE MUST TAKE CTHULHU, AND WE MUST SACRIFICE HIM TO HIMSELF!"

"I never asked for this."

"No, I'm not Voldemort. When I pop up, it's SHEERLY coincidence!... Now, if you could just hop over the fence and ask that guard man to read this note out loud..."

"Allowing the sky and sea to amass energy for me to split heaven and part the earth, to fight for my aspirations. Watching the stature and grandure of jade coloured waves, at the same time watching the vastness jade coloured sky, let our noble spirit soar. I am a man and I must strive to strengthen myself. Walking with firm steps and standing upright let us all aspire to be a pillar of the society, and to be a hero. Using our hundredfold warmth, to bring forth a thousandfold of brilliance, be a hero. Be ardent and with strong courage. Shine brighter than the sun."- A Man of Detemination, one translation from Wordpress.

"SHOGI!" -Aman

WELCOME TO THE RICE FIELDS, MUTHAFUCKAA!

"Ignore Mizal. She's a bitch. I'm clearly the better version." -The 3rd Law of Thara

"Arthur was a great show at the time, just sayin." -Honor4Ever

"The ability to murder Nazis with or without your bare hands is a critical part of any relationship. By law, you cannot be mated without it!... Wait a sec, it says 'marital status' on the census, not 'martial status'. This trip to the top of Mt. Fuji was just a bonding experience."

"What a Jew! Wow, this got racist." -Jihelu

"War is good, if you win. War sucks if it goes on and on for long periods of time. I mean, just look at China!"- Sun Tzu.

"Pass the goddamn, motherfucking, pissing, shitting, Jesus-Christing, ass-puking, dick-buttering, clit-twiddling, nose-fingering, yeast-infected salt, goddammit!"

"Sonic the Hedgehog was a mistake. It's nothing but trash."

"I'd rather fight a horse." - Endmaster

"If the derailment is about me, it should be deleted, and the perpetrators relieved of their points!" -The 8th Law of Thara

AASSSSS...

MAKE THIS MANBIRD PRESIDENT!

"If my points are docked, it's for a silly and minor reason!" -The 12th Law of Thara

"Cheaty bastard. If not that TITS, what TITS!? Someone clearly knows where to find the phat beatsies."

"BEGONE, ADBOT FILT- Oh, wait, it's just you..."

"Jesus Christ kills people with a screwdriver, so it COULD be Hell." -Attempting to decipher the setting of Flan, by Stephen Tunney

"Hah! Eat your heart out, Tim!"

"I got this gem on another forum where a discussion about how democracy is wrong ended up with people flaming eachother over their favorite nazi hentai and a brick joke about aneurysm." -Marmotlord​

"The Sarcophagus is that way, Dr.Jones36D!"

One of 78 randomly selected WISDOM NUGGETS will appear on this wordspace every time the PROFILE PICTURE is clicked. Have you the patience and the courage to collect them all? Fuck, nevermind, it's been destroyed. ALL DESTROYED.

If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Posting 6981 Forum Posts Rated 51.7% of all Stories

Storygames

A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All.
I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he reccomended. Because blatant recklessness that could potentially break an entire webpage is something I do from time to time. This is a test, to see whether or not I should actually convert one of my projects to an advanced game. This was surprisingly easy, and with what I have in mind, I probably will...
Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.
this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk
biddleshite
unpublished
fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.
FWDR
unpublished
Flame Wars Dice Roller.
monster roar roar!!
unpublished , coauthor
yrr8s s/ht ;m6g tns/ yd6;r t;y ;m8c kc6b n;hw / hs/n/f dn6 ;v6h r[8y dn/m nw8lb
Pictures Test
unpublished
Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.
Snakes on a boat: a True Story, Bro.
unpublished
Pretty self explanatory adventure I had way back in the days when I had a Garry's mod server. (It crashed of complications on account of the fact that I didn't have or use steam.) I hope you like it. (The only good ending is when you choose the path that actually happened. There's an in-game reward if you get it.) NOTE: I am fully aware that many of the action/fighting sequences are blatantly impossible in garry's mod. This is my INTENTIONAL sprucing up of the story, it would be horribly bland if I said "You swing your crowbar and hit, he shoots and doesn't hit." over and over again, because that's generally all the combat that takes place in garry's mod. (Or any sandbox game not focusing on combat to begin with).

Recent Posts

Dark City Index/Feedback on 1/21/2017 5:23:26 PM
Around what point in time would Darktown have lost contact with the outside world, if ever? Near the beginning of my next story there's a guy being introduced to Disco for the first time. We could chalk that up to him having been reclusive, though. Note: As far as timeline goes, the story definitely takes place at least in 1977, or not that long after '77.
Their Eyes Were Watching God on 1/20/2017 11:20:17 PM
The way people talk about it, I always feel like it's going to be one of those old books that people say I'd really like but I end up hating. I was promised the world's first Quentin Tarantino movie by innumerable Moby Dickheads (That's now the official term for fans. I made it so.) but instead got an abhorrently dense slice-of-life procedural narrated by a verbose college professor with ADD and a borderline-autistic fascination with whales. The only authors of ancient days that I've come to 'trust' are people like Poe, Lovecraft, Shakespeare, and the other mainstreamers, but that's not like their best stuff is consistent in quality with the rest of their work. Although I do like Joachim Meyer's books, simply because they're badass. But sure, you say it's good, and everyone else keeps saying it's good, so it must be good. I should invest my precious hours investigating this shit...
Plellollellogram on 1/20/2017 8:19:27 PM
Except no. No, your taste sucks mine is best.
Plellollellogram on 1/20/2017 8:15:37 PM
Remember when I tracked down the length of my penis down to the last hundred billionth of an inch? I Spy Penis Inches means I know the exact length of my dick in the inch system at all times. You seem to be under the impression that pedophilia with someone brown makes me not a racist, and somehow confuse Penguinites with penguins, which is doubly racist. You're reaching downright dystopian levels of racism! And also Word Girl really isn't my type. I mean, damn, way off. Nearly the opposite of all the things I am attracted to. Holy shit. How would you feel if I paired you up with your mom or something while she was still in preschool!? That's how I feel right now. Literally every evidence has been horribly mistranslated.
90% Justified on 1/20/2017 6:43:09 PM
These don't have to be weapon axes. Have you seen the average farmer's axe these days? All they need to be able to do is split medium branches and smack into long dead wood now that people don't just go out logging. Axes don't need to be sharp, and the fact that, by weight alone, they pose a significant threat to a human's life, means they do not require as much quality or upkeep. Since this duel says nothing of the wielders but only the weapons, a duelling scissors by its very nature needs to be of much stronger, better quality than a duelling axe, because otherwise nobody'd use scissors to duel. The weapon would win in a fight against the weapon. If one person wielding one got into a fight with another, the scissors would be in stronger condition no matter who wins because a damaged duelling scissors is hardly still scissors.
Bullshit on 1/20/2017 6:01:31 PM
I mean, it never guaranteed that it'd be a big dragon.
90% Justified on 1/20/2017 5:58:58 PM
Puns are 10 times as powerful as science. It is known. Evaporated water becomes part of the air. The Dragon in revelations is literally the devil, which commands all demons, whereas the devil in RPS seems to be mostly "Devil" in the technical sense, synonymous with demons, since cockroaches make men devils. Haven't you ever seen a big dynamite gunfight wild west movie? Do you honestly think you'll be seeing the sun in the midst of that shit? Fire By Moonlight, by rules of wordplay, can also imply that the moon is responsible for the fire. It is this particular fire's creator and superior. Without certain electrical signals, nukes cannot be launched, they're just sat there. If lightning shorted out that electricity, the nuke would never fire without repair. Axes don't need to be as sharp to cut flesh effectively. Scissors, on the other hand, are sharp by necessity. They have to be sharp if you're, say, duelling a living person with it. Therefore, a scissors can hold its edge better and bite further into the axe blade upon parrying. You might not win the battle, but your weapon will be in better shape than their worn old axe. Women have often been said to subdue dragons. This is an ancient trope. Everything from the fairy tales where dragons were said to have a compulsive need for treasure and maidens to the scaly porn of today knows that humanoid women are a bizarrely craved thing among dragons for things other than food. Wolves can accelerate to 30 mph in seconds, run for several miles, hop over most natural obstacles, and easily find nooks and crannies to hide in. The average person who throws dynamite could maybe get a to go 23 miles per hour for 15 feet in one direction. If the wolf knew they needed to avoid it in the first place, by, say, being challenged to a duel by a dude who throws dynamite, they would outrun the fuck out of it. I got nothing for that Sponge shit. That's also a legitimate thing that happened. Don't you know how Jack'o'Lanterns were invented?
Inauguration Day on 1/20/2017 4:58:22 PM
Stupid Ireland. Improving their employment rates by 10% like a bunch of chungusses...
Inauguration Day on 1/20/2017 4:31:55 PM
Now that the paralell's been drawn, I can't help but look at Ireland as England's Canada now.
Dark City feedback on 1/20/2017 3:04:20 PM
Given that they're both shadowy groups, probably cohabitting and encountering similar hidden nooks, I think the Sisters and the Vulture Cult would probably be semi-familiar with each other, but not exactly friendly. They could try to compare notes, maybe even trade or assist each other, but most members generally have a one-track mind and a hard time distinguishing their figurative statements from their literal ones on account of THE MADNESS that they're so prone to. Aside from the Cult Leader, who's probably the most clearheaded out of all of them, but he generally doesn't get out much unless something's very, very wrong. Given their protective, but not really territorial behavior and their poor conversational skills, they're probably regarded in much the same way a local pack of animals would be, and generally aren't sought out or spoken to unless someone gets curious. I should get around to showing this rather than saying all that, though, haha. I actually didn't think of contacts until you mentioned it. I figured the possibly-cult-leader-Coroner would just be wearing and misplacing different sets of glass eyes. Although, in hindsight, (wordplay in there somewhere) exactly how a blind coroner got hired in the first place is beyond me. He must have been really good at "Feeling around", which I suppose makes him a bizarre and unusual character with or without Cthulhu. I was also trying to imply that he was possibly wearing the eyes of the people who were murdered before "eating" them, because I wanted to subtly say that he called the Reaver disgusting for skull-boning the blue-eyed woman without outright saying it. After "proofreading", I couldn't really tell if that was clear or not because I don't understand subtlety, but it's not like using the eyehole that way is something you go about doing subtly anyway!