ISentinelPenguinI, The Apprentice Scrivener

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

7/8/2020 3:17 AM

EXP Points

1,746

Post Count

8916

Storygame Count

1

Duel Stats

84 wins / 84 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

65

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.

He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"

He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"

He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor.  At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.

10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...

The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"

He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.

Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.

The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.

The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.

"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.

Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.

It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.

 


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If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Posting 8916 Forum Posts Given by BerkaZerka on 03/27/2020 - OG

Storygames

Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.

this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk


A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All. *CLOSED FOR REPAIRS*
unpublished

I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he recommended. This was low-effort as all hell, don't ever use the classic editor for anything you care about.

AQIMFTBHOIA DLC: THE UPDATE DESCRIPTION

Since some of my questions contained outdated information and I needed to make sure everything was in working order, I unpublished this thing. Since I understand this to be something that generally fucks with ratings, I'm gonna add 5 more questions so you have more of a reason to rate it again. Also, every question now has a stupid answer. These are the ones that are so blatantly wrong/non-answers that they give you negative points... Some are better hidden than others. Aside from most of the endings being revamped, there are two new endings! One is for people who're spectacularly awful at quizzes, and the other is an ending for people who go off the beaten path... By being really  bad at quizzes.

No, I will not add a thing at the end that shows your score. If you want to know your score, you have to dick-measure in the comments yourself. Drill Sergeant Nasty has always been an accurate barometer for how well you did, in my eyes.


biddleshite
unpublished

fucking bullshit ass fuck dammit shit asshole tits on a duck fucking a pile of dipshit dumbfuck ass.


FWDR
unpublished

Flame Wars Dice Roller.


Pictures Test
unpublished

Just a little story to see how I can place my pictures around text.


WHUPASS ON THE TITANIC
unpublished

In a strange world where World War I hasn't even happened yet, Law and order is the only accepted form of justice. Until NOW.

Enter Mild-Mannered Clifford T. Boot, 2nd class passenger on the world-famous vessel, the Titanic. Haunted by the shadows of his war-torn past, Clifford bought a ticket to the United States of America looking for a new life. But trouble always finds Clifford, and when an innocent widow and her child are kidnapped by a cult dedicated to resurrecting Napoleon, he has no choice but to return to his old ways and save them... Because for some motherfuckers, mass tragedy doesn't come soon enough.


Articles Written

A Tutorial for Teachers
Exasperated but optimistic advice for those who would like to assign storygames as school projects or for any other school purposes.

Recent Posts

Pink Whale Challenge: Actual Challenge Day 2 on 7/7/2020 3:55:21 PM

It's not enough that you and your family and friends are happy. You better make fucking sure that everyone else in your general vicinity is happy too.

 

Find a wild animal in the general area of your friends and family. Take a picture of it being happy.


Pink Whale Challenge: Actual Challenge on 7/7/2020 12:30:10 AM

I'll try and keep up with these and try to make these challenges actually challenging for those of us who aren't fuckin' pussies.

Day 1: Write "I am beautiful" on the hand you write with, using only your shitty hand. The entire phrase has to fit on a single line on the space between your middle finger and your wrist.


Black, Female or Gay? on 7/5/2020 10:11:33 PM

The joke is coronavirus!

Y'know like how African culture is about giving chimp soup to the gay guys.


Blue Whale Challenge on 7/5/2020 7:57:13 PM

Excuse me, that whale isn't blue at all.

It's clearly African American.


Blue Whale Challenge on 7/5/2020 7:42:03 PM

What came first, the llama or the egg?


Blue Whale Challenge on 7/5/2020 7:12:44 PM

All the White Whales are really beat up since they're always fightin' whalers all the time.

I'm not sure the Blue One is aware, he doesn't understand English. Or ancient whaling blood feuds.


Blue Whale Challenge on 7/5/2020 6:51:54 PM


Blue Whale Challenge on 7/5/2020 4:59:40 PM

I wouldn't worry. Seems a bit to me like Russian Facebook news meant to scare parents, and then somebody made an imitation of the urban legend afterward as an easy way to steal personal information from people who wanted to investigate it.


Who wants their childhood ruined? on 7/3/2020 8:29:50 PM

I didn't like Land Before Time that much. And because of that, I don't sympathize with a 10 year old girl for being brutally murdered at all!

Also, to be honest, Elmo was the hideous monster baby in that Dinosaurs show so you know he was fucked up.


Commie Coke on 6/29/2020 9:06:21 AM

Eating ice cream off a plate is probably fine if you're not unbearably slow about it. It's true that they can't really hold as much fluid as a bowl, but they do have a lot of surface area and you'd have to let quite a lot of ice cream melt before it risks overflowing. Assuming your dish is sitting properly on a table and you're not carrying the plate around, you'd have to have lost close to an entire scoop in order to fill most curved plates, at which point you're either in australia or you're just terrible at eating ice cream.

The evolution from plate to bowl probably came about with things like the banana split, which not only took up more space than things like the typical glass that a sundae comes in, but were covered in syrup and stuff usually drizzled in a messy way, which is probably where the walls of the bowl come in handy keeping everything in. It is a lot more generally ergonomic to eat ice cream out of a bowl, but because it was not absolutely necessary, I assume most people just used plates because it was simpler, since that's what ordinarily solid food usually comes on.