Ogre11, The Grandmaster of the Written Word
I like to write. I have lots of stories running around in my head, but it does take me (WAY) too long to get them from my mind to paper (or computer bits). I've always loved "Choose your own Adventure" type books, so I thought, why not write a few to share with others? I hope you like the stories I set up here.
I do appreciate you reading my stories and please do provide feedback on what you read! I used to be able to reply to all comments, but notifications were turned off for those, so I don't see all the comments on the story all the time. But feel free to PM me with questions or comments on stories, or even start up a thread if you want to talk more.
There's a UFO at the school!
This story was written as a an attempt to try out a different way to write storygames. I tried to write the entire story from start to finish, then insert choices only after writing the story (see more here). The story is intentionally short: this is supposed to be a short story of the type you might read in a magazine: no matter which path you take, it should end up with a story about 800-1,200 words long. For those interested, there are eight different endings.
You were minding your own business when you are suddenly abducted by aliens! Now you need to find your way home before, well, you're not sure, but before something!
This is a short, lighthearted puzzle adventure. It is not too hard and not too serious. The puzzle is simple, but try and pay attention to the clues to avoid dying and having to back up! There are seven ways to die and just one way to win.
Created for Riddles & Puzzles 2016 contest
First Runner-up: Riddles & Puzzles 2016
In short, please read and rate this story, we want to see how fast we can get this to 100 ratings!
After many strange dreams, you find yourself waking up, but something doesn't seem quite right. This waking up process is not what was described to you at all, and now you're going to have to figure out what happened and what you're doing to do about it!
This is a relatively simple choose-your-own ending story adventure. There are many different endings (eight total) with a good story (I hope) behind each. Enjoy picking your own story!
Update 1.1, 5.13.19: Added a time-out so that if you take too long you get caught in the school (Sorry about lost saves)
Update 1.2, 9.1.19: Fixed beaker issue, updated item use issue, fixed room descriptions (Sorry about lost saves)
This is a game based on writing, inspired by the forums here at CYS.
Your goal is to find your muse and write a storygame for CYS. How will you do that? There is only so much time in the day, and there are so many things that you can do...
In this game, you make the selections and see if you can find the way to the muse and the next great CYS story. There are a total of 5 different endings to this storygame.
You have a simple task -- go and get the mail. Oh, it sounds easy, but could you ever imagine how many different things could get in your way?
This is my first attempt at a storygame. It's a very basic "Choose your path" story. Let me know what you think of it in the forums!
Please note the maturity rating on this one. It doesn't mean that it's mature, it means that it's nasty sometimes. While yes, there is some humor, it's pretty graphically adult at times, not like most of my stories. Oh, it's not as bad as some other stories I could mention here, but it's different than nearly everything else I've written, so be warned. It's gross, too, in way too many places.
Just in case that wasn't too clear, here is the trigger warning: if you have a trigger, you're warned. I'm not sure anyone should actually read this.
This is mostly a gauntlet style CYOA story, but there is a bit of branch and bottleneck to it as well.
Updated 8.16.19 to fix a few typos.
Entry for the Succubus Contest, 2019: Winner of the contest!
In this story, you take on the role of yourself. Your day starts out like every other day for you, until a few different things happen... and you have to decide what to do about those things... Join in this fun spy adventure and journey to Prague, Havana, Buenos Aries, and more!
Note: There are a lot of different options in this game. Please do try it more than once -- there are many different ways through (you will always see the same first chapter, but there are many different ways through it to other chapters).
There are also quite a number of endings. For those who like to look for such things, each ending is labeled with a number, and there are 28 different endings (and many ways to get to each one).
High school can be tough with all the cliques, bullies, "resource" officers, and changing rules. But that is nothing compared to the pre-school room! In pre-school you don't even know what a rule is, never mind that you're breaking it. And those evil naps can slip up on you before you know it. Can you make the right choices to make it through the pre-school day without getting spanked?
Please note: There are just three endings to this little short: you survive pre-school, you do not make it through the day, and, well, you don't want to get the other ending.
Also note: This is an intentionally short, very light-hearted story that is meant to be silly. Please read and enjoy in that vein.
Story inspired by MattC
This is a short story that
is was an entry for playa988's 4-week long contest. Yes, I wish it was longer, too, but this was intentionally short for the purposes of writing a complete story in the short time frame allowed for the contest. There are, however, 18 endings, so feel free to try the story more than once and follow different paths. The theme of the contest was "gray vs gray," so don't look for a "winning" ending. When it's all grey, no one wins.
The year is 2016 and a series of nuclear bombs have been detonated in dozens of cities across the United States in the population centers. The country is destroyed and many people are dead.
While many cities (and surrounding areas) have been destroyed, there are various areas, far from the population centers, where people have survived. The people are trying to make sense of what happened and are trying to rebuild their lives and their country.
This story takes place in Western Montana where you follow the adventures of Jim Thompson, a survivor of the massive attack, trying to make sense of what is left of the world. Your choices will decide what happens to Jim, and perhaps what happens to the country...
Rory heads to Math class. That's boring, right?
Well, it is boring for most people, but not Rory Thorn. Rory always manages to find adventure, even in math class. Join Rory in math class and help decide what happens to him and his adventures!
The suggested way to read this story: do not press the back button. Oh sure, I know you want to, but read the whole story through, then start over. You will find that the stories will take you in entirely different directions and I think you really see that when you start over instead of just backing up! But hey, you're the reader, you get to read it however you want!
There is only one ending to this story. However, there are 32 different pathways that lead to that end! There are almost 16,000 words in this story. However, since there are so many pathways, the average story you will read will only be 3,000 words. So it's a short story...but with 16,000 words...
Author's Note: I do hope you enjoy this story. If you think it should be longer, well, I'm sorry, but do look for more stories in the "Adventures of Rory Thorn" series. The idea here was to give you a LOT of options and end up with a single short story.
This is a contest entry for Bucky's December 2017 contest
This ended up being more of a puzzle game than a story. It still has a good story, I think, so I do hope you enjoy it. It will take a little time, there's not a short way through this one!
Created for BerkaZerka's Creatures of the Night Contest
Try to get elected as mayor of your town!
This is more game than story. Okay, there's not really much story to this one, it's a game. There are many options and lots of variables, so be sure to play more than once!
For those interested in such things, there are eight bad endings and three good endings. Sorry about that, but there are lots of ways to die in the wilderness you know.
Created for January, 2017 New Frontier Contest
Play the quick dating game and see if you can get the girl!
I hope you have as much fun reading this as I did writing it. It was a lot of fun.
This is my official entry for the contest, "Brevity, the Soul of Wit" for August, 2015.
Please note: If you are easily offended by stereotypes, especially as they relate to men, women, and dating, please don't read, rate, or comment on this game. It is meant to be silly.
Solar flares are quite common. Many days the sun throws out a number of different solar flares in all directions. Most are of no interest to anyone but astronomers. They aren't dangerous. In fact, the worst solar flare followed by a coronal mass ejection in history (The Carrington Event) really didn't even have much of an effect on the entire planet other than a couple fires and a lot of pretty colors.
That was then, this is now.
Most of the time, earth has days to react to a solar flare because there are astronomers out there watching and recording the sun 24 hours a day. But what if there were a solar flare larger than the Carrington Event? And what if that solar storm made a direct hit on the planet, before anyone had time to prepare? Could humans survive? Could the planet itself survive?
Join Stone Ulrich, leader of Moon Base Alpha, as he heads off to explore parts of the moon - why are there caverns here? Who made them? Are they still here?
Please note: This is not your typical choose-your-own-story on this site. This is a longer length story that really attempts to draw you into the story. If you're looking for a quick few clicks and a free point, this is not the story you want for that.
Note #2: This is what I call an alternative universe story. This means that there is not just one universe to explore with your choices, but instead your choices can lead to different universes. In other words, if you go left at one place, that might mean there are aliens. If you go right, that might mean there never were aliens. So feel free to try again and see different options, but don't rely on your prior knowledge
Created for Bucky's Epic Story Contest, Summer 2018
However, First date of publication:
Time for Biology! Sounds fun, doesn't it? What? It doesn't? Well, apparently you've never been in Biology class with Rory Thorn! Come, help Rory get through class by choosing your own adventure and see where he will end up!
The first story in this series is Rory Thorn in Math Class. You do not have to read that story to understand what is going on in this story, but that is his first class of the day, while Biology is his second class.
This series is an attempt to create stories that have recurring characters and are in a way similar to a sitcom -- no matter what happens during the story, everyone returns and is ready to start the next story.
I hope you enjoy this story!
Join in the adventures of archaeology student Tom Forsyth as he follows clues that lead around the world. Help him make decisions that will unwrap ancient secrets without releasing evil on the world. Discover the pathways of old before others decipher the clues and reveal enough power to take over the world!
It's a short game that you can try over and over again until hopefully one time you win that coveted trophy for winning a CYS contest!
Note: This is not an actual CYS writing contest and you will not actually win a trophy for your account if you happen to win this game.
Articles WrittenChoose-Your-Own-Stories, Paths, and Writing
Recent PostsCave of Time vs Everything Else on 1/27/2020 8:55:19 PM
Every time I write a time cave I have to consciously stop myself from writing too much lest I risk it getting out of hand and getting burnt out on it; usually I just cut a branch off when I feel it's getting too long, leading to the branches feeling neutered.
Cave of Time vs Everything Else on 1/27/2020 8:53:56 PM
Cave of Time vs Everything Else on 1/27/2020 5:22:35 PM
Cave of Time vs Everything Else on 1/27/2020 4:36:43 PM
Landslide on 1/21/2020 2:02:00 PM
Landslide on 1/21/2020 1:46:02 PM
Starting this thread because I think this review is going to be a bit too long to throw onto the page of the story. Mara, I’m going to try and read this for content, as I’m aware of the English language barrier. But I’m going to guess now that some errors in the language are going to be too entertaining for me to not mention. I promise you the purpose of this is to help you see what I’m reading and seeing so that you can make things better. None of this is to make fun of the writing or the story at all.
First, the disclaimers: this is my review. It is likely not like anyone else’s. In fact, you probably couldn’t find anyone else who completely agrees with what I write here. But it’s my opinion. I’m also writing this as I read through this for the first time. These are my first impressions as I read it. I’m not saying they’re right, just what I’m thinking. I haven’t looked at the other reviews or read anything else about this bit before writing this other bit. This is written in the spirit of helping you see how others (okay, me) see your story and to perhaps give you ideas for improvement, and not to be mean or anything else. Please don’t take it personally. Also, I tend to type very fast when working these, so there are likely many typos in this review. It is likely worth exactly what you paid for it. Finally, you did ask.
The story description sounds fun and entertaining. There’s a few minor errors that that stand out: “IN a natural park,” “And Sera HAS to,” and “NOT for children.” They’re minor, but for native English speakers, they really do stand out. It can cause the reader to have to go back and re-read sections, and that can take the reader out of the story. For me, when I read a story, my mind creatures pictures of what I’m reading. When there are conflicts, the picture isn’t as clear. If I have to re-read, I have to step out of the picture and the story is harder to understand and comprehend. Anyway, on to the story!
In the first sentence, there’s two English errors: “found” should probably be “find” and “faster enough” should be “soon enough.” I like the setup, though. I like that the story starts out with action and being trapped. I’ve already glanced ahead and noticed the “How did I end here?” link (that should probably be “How did I get here?”), so I know I’m going to get more detail soon. I would question my body being swollen from crawling through broken windows. Usually that leaves cuts and bleeding, not swelling. And I’m not sure anyone would call shards of glass from broken windows “crystals.” Why is it a “mortal” trap? I’m not sure what an “immortal” trap would be, so I just don’t see why that word would be there. Just “trap” or “accident” or even “landslide” could work there.
Now the sudden cracking from the cantilever is odd. I get that the place apparently collapsed around me. But there’s a candle flickering. The only way there’s a candle flickering after a cottage is buried in a landslide is if I lit it AFTER the landslide. But apparently the beams are cracking and the entire place is about to fall down on top of me. I feel like there might be a pacing issue here. When I started reading about someone finding me in time, it sounded like I was prepared to sit and wait a long time. The candle kind of supported that. But then the crawling through the glass and the cracking of the beams make it feel like there’s a big rush here and if I don’t move quickly then I’ll be smushed. I’m not sure what to think of those differences in pace.
Ok, I mentioned some of the English would stick out. On the Sera page: “I CAME here,” “relax and FINISH up my,” “and just WOKE up,” becomes my coffin,” “turns more stale,” “The CANDLE’S flimsy,” “light FADES away.” The story mentions hearing a noise and waking up to the planet shaking. Those are quite different things. If I hear a noise, that might be a mouse or something. I think it would be more dramatic if the entire world is shaking, that’s not just hearing a noise. Was I supposed to laugh at the next part? If I’m imaging an earthquake, that can be a terrifying experience. But then I pictured a giant tambourine. That’s funny, right there. I think perhaps that’s just an analogy that doesn’t work there. There’s a similar issue with the hissing noise. What is that? Is there a snake nearby? Was that the gas line? And how did the noise cover my whatever is my coffin? Noises don’t really do that very well (though they can with a special type of literary feature).
“You let yourself go” in English is normally associated with someone who was at one time fit and active and who is now fat and lazy. And another pace issue: suddenly I wake up in a massive earthquake, but I simply go and sit down behind the broken furniture. Well, if the earthquake is over, I guess that could be. But again, it shows a very slow pace and unhurried actions. Stale air won’t make breathing torture, it’s just stale. And stale really refers to the quality of the air, not the quantity. But if oxygen is disappearing, this suddenly got really, really bad. I thought there was just an earthquake and I was hanging out in the wreck of a house. But if there’s suddenly no oxygen, I’m trapped in an airtight container, and I have been for some time. Also, if there’s no oxygen, that candle over there is going to have trouble burning. I also had trouble with the last sentence. Did I die from lack of oxygen? Or did I die from fear? But wait, I’m not really dead, I can see that I have options at the bottom of the page. But to be fair, it did just tell me I died.
I’m going to die fighting. I can’t walk on my fours. I don’t know what that means. Did that mean crawling? No sense in even talking about how many limbs I have on the ground, just crawling would work. Those broken crystal windows are serious: they penetrated my bones! Most of the time broken glass would just penetrate the skin a little bit, not bones. But now I’m suddenly walking because I’m taking steps. That certainly implies I’m on two feet, not crawling on all fours. Except I’m walking on my knees. I’m also walking around, but trying to crawl my way to the surface. Which is it? Am I walking or clawing? I would think if I’m clawing, I’d read about my fingers digging in dirt, or clearing debris, or something like that. If I’m walking, or even crawling, where the heck am I going? Is there a door out of here that’s airtight?
Am I even alive? When you write “In the films,” you’re really taking the reader out of the story here. I have to stop what I’m doing, leave the picture in my mind, and think about films. For me, this really destroys the images and current feeling of the story. But wait, I’m dead. I think this is twice now that I’ve died. A minute ago I was crawling, walking, or digging my way out, but quite suddenly I died. Again. I don’t know what the hell is going on in that second paragraph. It shifts point of view from “I” to “your” in the same sentence. But now not only am I dead, I’m outside my own body that has apparently been dead for quite some time. Am I just delusional? Is this another LSD story? Why would my body already be infested with maggots if I just died? And why would I be looking at my own face? And where did this rusty, putrid anchor come from? Something is weird? You’re not kidding me. “How much time HAS PASSED since the landslide?”
One step beyond: Why is everything pink? I’ve heard of things going black. I’ve heard of people seeing the light. But I’ve never heard a dead person talk about everything going pink. But at least someone’s talking to dead me. And apparently I’m pissed at them. Why would I suddenly yell and swear at someone I don’t know? I’m not sure how to “burst promptly.” I’m not sure I can think of a way to use those words together in a sentence effectively. Maybe I should just yell. Also, since this appears to be me talking to myself, wouldn’t I know why I had been swearing since I was a kid? It seems quite odd to say why I “probably” was doing it.
This seems like a weird god. I get that it’s told me all about me being cursed, and apparently I really am dead this time. But why would it let me reunite? And I don’t know how a single person reunites. Usually that’s an action that specifically takes more than one person who have been together before. So I don’t know what word you were going for there, but it’s not “reunite.” At least I’m not so high that I don’t know about how long it takes my body to rot.
Also, how can something “decompose naturally in one day.” If it’s happening in one day, that’s kind of the opposite of naturally. From what I’m reading here, I think I got crushed in the house, I died, my body decomposed in one day, I’m staring at my body as a ghost, and someone is talking to me. If that’s not what’s happening, I’m even more confused than normal.
How can I save myself from that fate? I have to gather emotional power. Oh, and my emotions are magical. And I have to murder people to obtain this magical emotional power. People I possess. Or I can meditate until I am nothing. I’m not sure if I’m on LSD or the voice is. And voices don’t evaporate, especially if they stop talking. They just stop talking. But hey, now I’m back in my rapidly decomposed body again, pinned in rubble, so I’ve got that going for me. I have to say, those are some interesting options for me on this page. Since I think I was told to murder people, I’ll choose the anger option (because I didn’t actually have an option to murder my people).
I will wield my anger: I’m not sure “snarkily” is a word. And if it was, I don’t think it would go with a “crisp tone.” That was five paths. I think if there’s opposing paths, that part should be mentioned first, and you can introduce the different paths by pointing out how they are opposed to one another. But I have no damn idea what path I’m on now. I was told to go with murder, I chose anger, but now I’m told to continue trickery. I’m also really bad at math because after I’m told there are four (or five) paths and told to stay on just one; I ask about the other two. But wait, there’s more: after I was told to choose murder, actually chose anger, and then told to continue trickery; when asked about the others, I’m told those are violence and anger. So all told now, there’s paths for: murder, anger, violence, sex, sympathy and kindness, wisdom, apathy, havoc, wrath, trickery, lust, and passion. We’re up to twelve paths now. And I think the voice (that evaporated earlier) implies there’s yet another, path number thirteen: anything goes.
Oh wait, the voice is a him. I didn’t get that before. But I am confused at my choices. I can burst at him. First, I don’t know where he is. Last time he talked, the voice was all around me. Second, can I burst at him? That implies I will just throw my bloated ghost-corpse directly at him, wherever he is. I’m not sure that sounds like a legitimate option, so I guess I’ll ignore him.
Ignore Him: Now he’s a moron. I thought he was a god of some kind. I guess a weird god like this could be a moron, too. Hey look, I found another path: hopelessness! I really thought I had picked the angry murder path, but I guess that wasn’t to be. But hey, I was being nice when I chose to murder my friends, apparently. I have absolutely no idea what “Barely can’t read but possess editorials” means: not a clue. I do know “barely” and “can’t” are almost never found together, though. Apparently I’m a gay lawyer, though.
You start to ascend: Now I’m a dead ghost gay lawyer fume. I don’t know what a “fume” is. I only know that word as a verb. “elevate throughout” should be “rise through.” Now I’m between dimensions. No wait, now I’m floating around the perimeter of something. What, I have no idea. To go around the perimeter of something, I’d need something to go around, wouldn’t I? But now my head is spinning around, poltergeist-style, 360-degrees. And now someone is made of colors. And people. And everything. I think I absorbed some LSD on my way through the soil. I’m wondering how much marrow will be left in my bones if everything decays. I’m thinking the marrow dries up, too. How do I know the mystery timer is a timer if I can’t read the display? And what kind of speech reminds someone of white noise in a television?
What the hell? Now the voice is being nice to me? And it’s telling me I have a physical body – that’s rising up through the soil and seeing things in bright colors and a 360-degree view. That’s not like any physical body I’ve ever seen. And wait, why am I not used to having a physical body? I thought it was less than a day since I was buried? But hey, at least in my physical body, mortals can’t see me because… why? But at least I’ll adapt. “Fresh new dead ghost soul” had me laughing. I wonder where this random three people a day came from and if the current physical body I’m in counts as one. Apparently my tongue only works sometimes as I was just talking to the random male god-voice, but now I’m struggling to mumble. And there are human bubbles around. Wait, there’s a rescue team? For what? Remember, it’s been less than a day since the accident, as far as I’m aware.
I’ve run out of time, but it appears like most of the choices lead right back to the main path. That can be done well, but each choice should have an effect overall on the story. Since I didn’t get all the way to the end, I can’t be sure, but it doesn’t look like that’s the case.
In many cases, I think you tried to use too many ten-dollar words. There were several instances where you used a fancy word where a simple word could have been used. For example, no one “says bombastically.” They just don’t. No one says that word, and no one writes it. That’s just one place where a simple word, even if it’s been repeated, can word just fine. There’s no need to find a different way to say everything in every sentence. With conversations, you’d be surprised how well just using “said” can work, even when it looks repetitive.
Overall, I think you have the makings of a very good story here. But I think your English word choice is enough that it takes away from the story to the point that it’s distracting. It isn’t even that you don’t know the words – in many cases they are technically the correct words. However, they’re not words that people really currently use. I would suggest that as you learn more English you read as much as you can so that you can see which words are used in different cases. I know you’re working hard to learn the language, and the only thing missing is the colloquialisms of the language. I do realize it would be a lot for someone to majorly assist you, but I do think you have a good story: if this were run past a native English speaker where they could ask and confirm all the above question with you, translating it a bit, I think you quite possibly have a great story here. Don’t give up, English is a hard language with lots of strange, unwritten rules that are hard to learn unless you speak it and use it quite a lot. Good luck!
Trim Comments on Main Page Display on 1/21/2020 11:20:23 AM
Trim Comments on Main Page Display on 1/20/2020 9:51:54 PM
Insomnia on 1/20/2020 12:18:50 PM
FIREBIRDS N SHIT: THE STORY on 1/18/2020 11:03:37 PM