ISentinelPenguinI, The Grandmaster of the Written Word

Member Since

4/4/2013

Last Activity

10/5/2022 7:56 AM

EXP Points

8,697

Post Count

9446

Storygame Count

1

Duel Stats

170 wins / 171 losses

Order

Sage

Commendations

112

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One day I had a test, and the teacher farted, and then this kid bent over to pick up his pencil, and everyone was scared because they thought they heard a gunshot and there was a school shooting, but actually it was a deafeningly loud flatulence emitted from the kid who picked up his pencil, with such tremendous force and pressure that his pants had ripped open and were smoking. And everyone was laughing, but the kid was pissed.

He got up on his chair and screamed something like, "OH YOU THINK THAT'S FUCKING FUNNY DO YOU!?"

He grabbed one of the girls, and there were many gasps, "I'LL FUCKING SHOW YOU ASSHOLES FUNNY!"

He shoved the girl out of the way, and took a massive shit on her desk. The class laughed, and even applauded. For the first 2 minutes, at least, but the kid would not stop shitting. Eventually it overloaded the desk and started to drop onto the floor.  At 5 minutes, the giggles gave way to horrified screams. Worms and blood started to appear within the shit, and the oils of his eyes were diluting with lymph and starting to drip down his face.

10 minutes, and he was shitting this constant stream of worms like a faucet, they were pooling out underneath him and writhing over each other, burrowing into whatever they could find. The floor was too hard for them, but they found the girl's shoes. You could hear them chewing on everything they could find. They made little clicking noises wherever they bit on something, it was like dumping one bag of marbles into another... But then they found the girl's flesh underneath her shoes and socks, and boy howdy...

The worm hoard sort of swarmed her and started burrowing into whatever bits and bobs they could find. As they chewed, it sounded like those aforementioned marbles were being poured into a bowl of semi-hard jello. A thousand little splats in an orgy of blood and gluttony.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES!" Screamed the fart kid, "CAERBOG EXTRICATES!"

He just kept shitting worms and screaming about our glorious holy lord and savior Caerbog. Just sitting there. The worms turned to eyeballs all melted and grafted together, and the molten skin of his rectum slowly started dribbling down between his legs, but he just kept going. His real eyes were totally gone by this point, and actually his bare testicles were dangling out of one eyehole by their epidydimus, but what was even funnier was that a little horse fetus (Couldn't be more than two months) was desperately trying to escape from his head, but he was too big to fit through the eyeholes, so he just kept squealing and stamping impotently at the walls of his flesh prison.

Eventually, the eyes and the worms and the shit were creating this massive pool of shit that was ankle-deep over the floor of the room, and the girl being eaten by the worms was now a skeleton full of boreholes and tiny bitemarks. The class started really laughing their asses off as her jaw fell off, and one kid even fell out of his chair laughing and was devoured by worms, eyes-first.

The kid just kept on shitting. His legs had been worn down by worms into just nubs of flesh, so no one was surpised when the entire lower part of his torso burst open and started spraying eyeballs and bloody shit everywhere.

"CAERBOG PROVIDES! CAERBOG EXTRICATES! CAERBOG EXTRICAAAATES!" he screamed. More kids laughed themselves into the waist-deep pile of worms.

The teacher just stood on his desk with a look of utter disappointment on his face.

"Caerbog does not exist, you zealous religious faggot." Said the teacher, driving a knife into his belly as the holy purgative fires of Caerbog began biting into the flesh of his taint.

Long story short, the kid got a detention, and our sides fucking exploded that day. Even the fucked up skeleton whose desk he shat on was laughing. You can still hear her laughing if you put your ear to her grave. It's just underneath the floorboards of the basketball court.

It was so hilarious though. You had to be there for the full effect. He was just squatting over her desk with the same strained look on his face the whole time. I mean, while he could still squat and move his face, I guess.

 


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If you came to this page in hopes of learning more about me, you're boning up the wrong tree.

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points Earning 5,000 Points Your presence alone contributes to the community. You've brightened many a days with your wit and humor, and knowledge of the inane. That last part is meant to be complimentary. Here you go, Sent Posting 9445 Forum Posts Rated 70.1% of all Stories Given by BerkaZerka on 03/27/2020 - OG Given by madglee on 02/15/2022 - For recognizing ancient lore

Storygames

Randomly Walk II, The epic sequel.

this is a loosely satirical and somewhat more gamey version of the game that isn't really a game. thanks to the creative juices of Bardockwest. The ORIGINAL: http://chooseyourstory.com/story/randomly-walk


A Quiz I made for the Blatant Hell of it All. *CLOSED FOR REPAIRS*
unpublished

I discovered a thing that JJJ wrote. It told me all about this quiz-making shit. I followed the instructions, even though I disobeyed JJJ's opening lines by starting this WITHOUT a basic knowledge of any of that weird scripty shit he recommended. This was low-effort as all hell, don't ever use the classic editor for anything you care about.

AQIMFTBHOIA DLC: THE UPDATE DESCRIPTION

Since some of my questions contained outdated information and I needed to make sure everything was in working order, I unpublished this thing. Since I understand this to be something that generally fucks with ratings, I'm gonna add 5 more questions so you have more of a reason to rate it again. Also, every question now has a stupid answer. These are the ones that are so blatantly wrong/non-answers that they give you negative points... Some are better hidden than others. Aside from most of the endings being revamped, there are two new endings! One is for people who're spectacularly awful at quizzes, and the other is an ending for people who go off the beaten path... By being really  bad at quizzes.

No, I will not add a thing at the end that shows your score. If you want to know your score, you have to dick-measure in the comments yourself. Drill Sergeant Nasty has always been an accurate barometer for how well you did, in my eyes.


WHUPASS ON THE TITANIC
unpublished

In a strange world where World War I hasn't even happened yet, Law and order is the only accepted form of justice. Until NOW.

Enter Mild-Mannered Clifford T. Boot, 2nd class passenger on the world-famous vessel, the Titanic. Haunted by the shadows of his war-torn past, Clifford bought a ticket to the United States of America looking for a new life. But trouble always finds Clifford, and when an innocent widow and her child are kidnapped by a cult dedicated to resurrecting Napoleon, he has no choice but to return to his old ways and save them... Because for some motherfuckers, mass tragedy doesn't come soon enough.


Articles Written

A Tutorial for Teachers
Exasperated but optimistic advice for those who would like to assign storygames as school projects or for any other school purposes.

Recent Posts

Bible Thread on 10/5/2022 7:31:46 AM

The best stories need a talking donkey. Shrek knew it, the bible knew it.


Lord of the Flies on 10/4/2022 11:50:45 AM

That's certainly one possible reading of it. IIRC my teacher was fine with the interpretation that whatshisname was just particularly aggressive, since all the rest was left up to implication.


Lord of the Flies on 10/4/2022 11:06:42 AM

I remember the class more than the book itself. For some good and some bad reasons. Our teacher was very passionate and had some moments where the whole class was stuck because she was drawing from interpretations I didn't get at the time. The first time it was because I was bad at making assumptions.

"What's a moment in this chapter that shows that Whatshisname has gone Full Evil?" I dunno, the pig rape was pretty bad. But it wasn't in that chapter. I was supposed to pick out the fact that the kid sharpened both ends of his stick, but frankly, if they were really about to have an island war, that just seems like a practical measure. Or, it would have seemed like a practical measure had the guy not already proven himself to be a vile spaz. I dunno.

The second time the class was so stumped that we actually got kept after class, but this was the most important part so I guess it was justified. I was bad at keeping certain things in mind the whole way through because it was a book I was forced to read in small pieces over a way longer time than I would've ordinarily read a book, but the parallel of Lord of the Flies all happening on this island with kids, and then them getting picked up on the ship at the end that belonged to a Navy fighting WWII, was a very neat moment that made my tiny highschool freshman brain go "Woah".


The Cat Raping Pedant Is a Joke on 9/19/2022 5:02:53 PM

Please go play with an industrial lathe. This would be worth everyone's time.


The Cat Raping Pedant Is a Joke on 9/19/2022 4:30:28 PM

Gonna take some liberty here and ban the fucker. If it's a troll pretending, they're gonna be back anyway. And if it's Ryder... He's also probably gonna be back anyway. But it's unwise to let literal militant pedophiles hang around. Sorry James or Danaos if you missed the memo on that part.


The Cat Raping Pedant Is a Joke on 9/19/2022 3:38:23 PM

LOL


The Cat Raping Pedant Is a Joke on 9/19/2022 3:37:17 PM

"I am not a pedant! I am NOT a pedant!" He said, shrivelling away as he attempted to deflect an insult with 9 autistic paragraphs of semantic argument.


The Cat Raping Pedant Is a Joke on 9/18/2022 9:31:11 PM

>people
>implying


HAH LOSERS on 9/16/2022 4:38:44 PM

But I'm pretty sure you're also not a boyfriend

More of a control group autist


HAH LOSERS on 9/15/2022 3:24:34 AM

I think that was already foregone with some of the boyfriends around here.