Siyu, The Contributor
Member Since
12/15/2024
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2/2/2026 5:52 PM
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56
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Recent Posts
Feedback wanted on this intro page for my story on 1/6/2026 11:43:20 PMThis is very detailed criticism.
There's quite a few things in here I didn't think of like the missing bridges in between information. As you've said, linking another page that would contain the information about the Security personnel would definitely help with making it sound more cohesive.I'm also planning on moving the final paragraph to the end of the new page, and making another ending for the re-write of this one. Nevermind, that final paragraph is definitely more suited to this page.
Thanks for your input, I appreciate the help.
There's quite a few things in here I didn't think of like the missing bridges in between information. As you've said, linking another page that would contain the information about the Security personnel would definitely help with making it sound more cohesive.
Thanks for your input, I appreciate the help.
Feedback wanted on this intro page for my story on 1/6/2026 11:34:17 PM
I should've mentioned this in the first post, but I'm writing a fanfiction story. Caucasus is the name of the company the MC works for in the original comic book. I know it seems like an odd thing to do, seeking feedback for a fanfic, but I figure it'd be a good opportunity to see how skilled I am in areas like expressing a certain tone.
As for your feedback, you addressed something I was planning to change as well. Hearing 'Caucasus_Whatever' will probably get grating after a while. I reckon the way I'm going to get around that is by trying to limit it to annoucements/documents/internal monologue. I'm not planning for a huge amount of that stuff be in there, but it's definitely something I will make a note of.
Thanks for taking the time to give feedback!
As for your feedback, you addressed something I was planning to change as well. Hearing 'Caucasus_Whatever' will probably get grating after a while. I reckon the way I'm going to get around that is by trying to limit it to annoucements/documents/internal monologue. I'm not planning for a huge amount of that stuff be in there, but it's definitely something I will make a note of.
Thanks for taking the time to give feedback!
Feedback wanted on this intro page for my story on 1/6/2026 10:38:22 AM
Basically, what I'm aiming for in this page is a corporate orientation infopacket. It's mainly giving the reader info on the two paths the reader has and doing some worldbuilding at the same time. The main issues with it I feel there are so far are that it's too long, doesn't make enough variation of sentence structure and comes off more as rambly rather than the cold, trying to be friendly tone I was going for.
Let me know what you think though.
Welcome to Caucasus Superstore Incorporated.
We're excited to have you onboard, and hope this information will help you prepare for your first day as part of the family. Caucasus and all it's affliated brands including: FreshCaucasus Food Basics, Caucasus Home, Caucasus Automotive and Cacausus Fertility Assistance attracts shoppers from all over, with the number growing every day.
We like to think that there's two distinct parts to the formula that brings people in through our doors.
One is the quality products that line our shelves. They're house made, polished to our exacting standards - all at an affordable price. You'd be hard pressed to find better anywhere else.
The second is our impeccable customer service. Not only can shoppers expect a friendly face and a can-do attitude when they walk through our doors, they can also feel safe under the watchful eye of Caucasus Security.
Our security personnel is made up of two groups - Executive Contractors and Loss Prevention Specialists.
Executive Contractors are the people who make expansion possible. Well trained, highly motivated and supported with a selection from Caucasus Armanents and Munitions, they secure areas all over the world for proposed retail locations. Hostile companies are a dime a dozen and easily number in the thousands. They don't take kindly to a new operation setting up shop, something the division's senior members can attest to.
Loss Prevention Specialists, on the other hand, serve a different yet just as important role. They're tasked with ensuring a pleasant shopping experience for all our valued customers. Whether that's in chasing off troublemakers or stopping shoplifters in their tracks, these men and women have their work cut out for them. Fortunately, the company makes sure to equip them for the job. One such item being the CX-9505 semi-automatic pistol. Sleek, compact and efficient, it's capable of putting down a belligerent target at well over 90 yards.
Of course, we don't wish harm upon any of our customers. Loss Prevention Specialists are expected to uphold company values and protect Caucasus property, but this doesn't mean executing any rulebreakers on the spot. Far from it. Whilst it's true that in certain cases lethal force has been applied, this has only been in strictly necessary situations. If possible, we encourage them to be taken into our custody. Then once their debt is repaid to society, they're more than welcome to come back to the store as any other customer.
So, that's about everything you'll need to know. If you have any other questions, don't hesitate to call Caucasus Support and Technical Service. Once again, we wish you a warm welcome and remember;
Everyday high spirits, everyday low prices. That's the Caucasus promise.
End Master's Prompt Contest 5 on 1/6/2026 8:59:47 AM
I thought that was a reference to this.
Bragging about gamebooks I haven’t played! on 1/5/2026 12:08:03 AM
Did you ever get around to playing The Sword of the Bastard Elf? That was the one that caught my eye the most in this thread.
PoopyPeanutz's stories on 1/3/2026 6:20:03 AM
I'm going to go ahead and call it quits for now. The story I found seemed similar enough to PP's missing story, so that'll have to do. But of course, feel free to go look for yourself. Maybe you will find something that I missed.
PoopyPeanutz's stories on 1/3/2026 6:04:32 AM
Found a possible match for the 9/11 CYOA but it's not posted under PP's handle. Maybe an alt? Here it is.
Edit: Alright, there's also a 'Zombie PoopyPeanutz' user. Good lord, how many people were stealing this guy's work?!
PoopyPeanutz's stories on 1/3/2026 5:42:01 AM
Okay, I did some more searching through Yandex and a found a couple other things from PP (still no 9/11 game unfortunately) but are still entertaining in their own right.
PoopyPeanutz's stories on 1/3/2026 5:15:58 AM
Alright, fair enough. I won't do that.
PoopyPeanutz's stories on 1/3/2026 5:01:49 AM
Hey is it okay if I make an alt and upload PP's stories as CYS games? Just asking because the site the Hurricane Katrina story is on makes me paranoid that it could get lost. I wouldn't do the V-Tech one though, IS seems okay for now.
