7/10/2024

4/25/2025 11:55 PM

192

1

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Warden

Ignis and Aero

Aero, a 14-year-old inhabitant of the village of Albritton, wants nothing more than to read his enthralling storybooks in peace. When he hears of a Golem wandering in the forests near his village, he is more than happy to let the professionals deal with it, while staying within the comfort of his home.

Unfortunately for him, his adventurous brother, Ignis, has other plans.

Author's note: If you want to collect all endings, then there are six of them: The Wise, The Mourner, The Cleaner, The Knight, The Skeptic and The Magician. Certain choices don't have immediate effects but may influence the endings. Also, certain endings can be reached through multiple different paths.

Submitted for Sherbet's Summer's End Synergy Contest.

Special thanks to mrcrimsonclean for proof reading :]

Whenever you drop punctuation like a comma, question mark, period or exclamation mark, you have to add a space after. Also, I'd expect a philosophy professor to have better arguments. The "What is justice?" question is pretty heavy and you could have quite a meaningful debate on it. It seemed like a bit of a waste to bring it up and then not pursue that. For example, the philosophy professor could've argued that a dictionary can only provide a definition of the concept but is of no use when it comes to determining what people actually deserve. I'd highly recommend checking out any debate footage you can get your hands on. It might help your characters behave more realistically when it comes to arguments between them.

60 or so year old men... so basically 60 toddlers. That's pretty important I think.

As someone who only found out they were part of the Warden order like a minute ago, I can indeed confirm that Wardens are on top! :D

This version is much more readable. Good job! :] I still have a few doubts though. Why did the protagonist burn down the portal? The way the protagonist describes it as being a "cost" makes me think it was a wilful decision they made. But then in the next sentence, they start trying to deny to themselves that they did destroy it. That makes it sound like it was an accident or something that was done in a panic. It feels like two conflicting ideas being presented. The final paragraph also seems to reinforce the idea that the protagonist DOES want to go through the portal as they are willing to wait for a hundred years/find another portal. This again begs the question of why they destroyed the portal in the first place. tl;dr : "I destroyed the portal on purpose" + "I want to go through the portal" are two ideas that don't work together. Also, blatently = blatantly grammer = grammar criticese = criticize

To be fair, I usually have this site open on a tab while I do other stuff. I'm assuming my name is on there a lot too. It's just that everyone happens to be asleep when I am awake.

This seems like a snippet of something bigger. By that I mean, there's not enough information here for me to properly understand what this story is about. It doesn't help that the narrator's own thoughts are scattered and repetitive. I will say that it conveys a good job of conveying that the narrator has suffered some recent trauma. But without context, the trauma feels alien and not relatable. For example, the first line states "If only I had gone with them" which makes me wonder who "they" are. It's a question that needs to be answered. The story however, never gives a straight answer. All I can tell is they wanted the protagonist to step through the portal and are angry that the protagonist did not (and apparently they deserved how the protagonist treated them, but that only raises more questions with no answers). You don't necessarily have to spoon-feed all the information to the reader of course, but you've got to give us something to work with.

I will definitely probably submit something that is possibly good. Maybe.

Not exactly a web search but I had to watch a bit of masterchef to see how teams worked in a professional kitchen.

Nice! I always struggle with making evil protagonists, but it seems like you've got it down pat. It definitely left me curious about the world this is set in. What is the source of your protagonist's fury? Who is the mage's master? What did this nobleman do? If an opening can make people start asking questions like that. You know it's a good one! :]

I'm saying this bet is conceptually stupid. It doesn't matter if you somehow crap out a story that's marginally better than theirs. You'd have to be Stephen King Shit of Fuck Mountain to justify that your presence is worth more to this site than those seven. To put it in numerical terms, you'd need to have significantly more xp points than all of them combined to even suggest this sort of thing. Of course, you are right that it's far more likely that you will be the one who gets banned. I think that's a shame too since you clearly know your grammar. You could be a halfway decent writer if you just stuck around and listened to advice. My advice would be to retract this bet. It helps no one. P.s. you can see how many xp points you have at My stuff -> View Profile. You can also see how many xp points others have by clicking on their usernames.