7/10/2024

3/28/2025 3:50 AM

178

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Warden

Ignis and Aero

Aero, a 14-year-old inhabitant of the village of Albritton, wants nothing more than to read his enthralling storybooks in peace. When he hears of a Golem wandering in the forests near his village, he is more than happy to let the professionals deal with it, while staying within the comfort of his home.

Unfortunately for him, his adventurous brother, Ignis, has other plans.

Author's note: If you want to collect all endings, then there are six of them: The Wise, The Mourner, The Cleaner, The Knight, The Skeptic and The Magician. Certain choices don't have immediate effects but may influence the endings. Also, certain endings can be reached through multiple different paths.

Submitted for Sherbet's Summer's End Synergy Contest.

Special thanks to mrcrimsonclean for proof reading :]

Write a prequel story game (1) with multiple endings and have one of the endings lead into your first game (2). Write a sequel story (3) for one of the other endings of your prequel (1). Write a sequel (4) to that new sequel (3) that allows one of the characters to travel back in time to the events of the prequel (1). Rewrite the prequel as a new story game (5) but this character who travelled back in time keeps screwing with the options that would have led to the second sequel (3). Keep repeating this process. Die of old age.

Hmm, I don't think I've read that path. Either that or I forgot about it. Most of the fights with the Derro left an impression on me though. I love the way the book conveys how intimidating they can be.

C'est la vie. I'm used to it lol. But yeah, I'm pretty sure I finished Eternal in one sitting. It was only when that one user posted an answer key for Eternal that I realized in retrospect how long that story actually was.

Thing about Eternal is that it's compelling enough that it doesn't feel as long as it actually is. It's filled with heavy choices and maintains its entertainment value throughout. Also hello! Welcome to the site! Looking forward to any stories that you will write.

They always end up getting banned before I can say anything too. Y'all are too quick with it. XD

Why do all the jokers only show up when I'm asleep? :[

I don't need it now, but I can see this being useful in the future. Why not add it to the pinned writing resource links thread? That way, it won't get lost as new threads are created.

"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave," was actually picked from the song. It's the last line the vocalist sings before the iconic guitar solo ends the song. There are actually plenty of references to the song in Story B, like the chorus of voices constantly singing or the smiling, dancing people. There's probably more, but I don't remember all the lyrics off the top of my head. Now that I think about it, the actual song feels like a story in and of itself. There's a whole narrative within its lyrics about this creepy hotel.

Another really close match! The thunderdome's been on fire lately.

Story A took a more grounded approach to the prompt which I can appreciate. I just wish that the ending was a bit more dramatic. Maybe the addition of some detail that allowed Trish to realize that the mannequin was indeed an uncannily faithful replica of her sister. Though, I suppose I can also see Trish as a character that is simply too narcissistic to notice such details.

Story B chose to go all in on the surreal horror aspect instead and I loved it. It definitely felt like one of those dreams where you lack any sort of control over what happens. The author also does a great job of slowly increasing the intensity of the bizarreness in the narrative.

My final vote is for Story B.

It's = it is. If you want to use the possessive, it is just 'its'.

The wind rakes its icy hands.

It looks like you made this mistake at other areas in the passage too.

Once emerald green tree leaves wilt, turned down in submission to the frost.

Something's wrong with the tenses here. I don't remember the exact rules but reading this felt wrong. I'd rewrite it like:

Tree leaves that were once as green as emeralds, now hung wilted and drained of their vitality, turned down in submission to the frost.

Same idea, but I just rewrote all the sentences in simple past tense. In general, it's best to maintain the same tense. There are some special rules when 'if - then' structure sentences are involved though. Me personally, I just rewrite and simplify stuff if I feel like it reads wrong, relying more on prior reading/listening experience than knowledge of grammar rules.

I skimmed through the rest of it, not really looking for SPAG stuff, and I liked the concept of it. Viewing hunters from the perspective of a predator is an interesting take. I'm looking forward to reading the finished product :]