7/10/2024

9/13/2024 11:05 AM

30

0

0 wins / 0 losses

Warden

I'd read the full story linked to this. It feels like there is potential for branching where you'd betray your former masters. This sounds like my kind of reading :D Also, yes to spacing paragraphs please.

Lol, guilty as charged, I guess. I don't have much experience in writing my own stories yet. I'm just basing my talk on stories that I've seen or heard.

Honestly, you can get something unique just by combining a lot of old ideas. Of course, it is your story so you can use the process that you want to make it, but if you're finding it difficult to come up with a completely original idea, then it isn't really a bad idea to get inspiration from other sources.

You could read published story games or write new ones yourself and we will read them. You could also write reviews on story games you've read. You could also read reviews that we will write on story games written by you. Then there's the forums... Yeah, basically you just read and write. Welcome aboard :]

Fuck it, I'm gonna write a romance story for the upcoming contest.

The cliche route is to go the Ben Grimm X Alicia route from fantastic four. Guy is hideous and freakish looking but girl is blind so she can see that he has a good soul. Obviously, you won't get many points for rewriting cliches like that, but it could at least be a good starting point. For general writing advice, like others have said, the articles in Help & Info are your best bet. There's some really good stuff there.

Lol that turned out longer than I had hoped. tl;dr: 1) Learn how tenses work with if sentences 2) Reread your work to look for redundant words and spelling errors 3) Use personal articles like "my, your, his, her, our (USSR anthem starts playing), their" wherever necessary 4) Good job :]

When using "if" sentences, tenses are very important. "I can't remember what happened..." indicates an event that happened in the past but then you go to "One moment, I'm on my bike..." which is present tense. Instead of this, you could write "One moment, I was on my bike..." and that would fit better with your previous sentence. "Peice" is obviously misspelt like the others pointed out. Also "as they rise alive again" seems a bit off. It could just be rewritten as "as they rise again, alive once more". There are also cases where you refer to the MC's body parts but avoid using personal articles for some reason. For example, "But as soon as my feet hit the floor, my legs buckle. They collapse beneath me as if the bones have turned to dust", that could be "my bones had turned to dust" instead (you should use "had" because of if tense shenanigans again, I think). In the current state, it could just as easily mean that the MC had expected to land on a pile of bones when he jumped off his bed. Obviously, anyone with good reading comprehension can figure out what you meant to say, but it still breaks the immersion a little bit. One thing I really liked about the writing was how it conveyed the lack of control the MC had over the situation. A subtle example of this was "My eyes darted to the person beside me". You could've easily written that as "I looked to the person beside me" but the former version makes it feel like the MC had no say in the matter, which I thought was very cool. There's also the use of feelings as subjects that really drive this effect home. "A wave of grief washes over me", "Panic claws at my throat", all solid examples of that idea. Overall, I really liked this. I think you did a great job conveying a sense of helplessness as the MC's life flashed before his/her life (I'm assuming that's what this is about lol :D)

I think that it's a good idea to decide which characters you want to flesh out and which characters you want to leave vague. Trying to give too many characters too many details will lead to a bloated story. If it were me, I'd really dig in and write maybe three to four really well-developed characters and have them interact with each other extensively and have side characters only show up to move the plot forward if necessary. Hell, I wouldn't even give the side characters names. The story length will therefore depend solely on how many main characters you have and how much you want to develop them. As long as you stay focused on the main characters, I think that even a long story isn't really a bad thing. P.S. I'm a noob too as far as writing is concerned. If you think I'm not making a lot of sense, and you disagree with my views, that is totally fine. There are so many different ways to write a good story. :] P.P.S I actually read your second story and had left a review. That was before I had read your first one, so I probably missed some references. Maybe add a link to your first story in the description of the second one so dumbasses like me don't read them out of order ;)

Count me in! :D