Hey, I'm Ace. To do list: Escape triple shame Done: 7/5/22 Complete 25 well thought out reviews Progress: 15 Write a story with a rating above 5 Here is where I keep track of the stories I've reviewed. If I reviewed your story and you're curious as to the rating I gave it it's on there. Reviews

Just read it and holy shit you actually used semicolons lmao

Story A is really solid imo. I think it’s mainly plagued by two main problems. The first is the clunky exposition. There are a lot of times in the story where the character delivers detail that doesn’t make any sense. The first example of this is paragraph 5. You can’t look at that and tell me it sounds natural at all. There’s a lot more examples of this. I think it’s fine to communicate the character’s thoughts, and that can be a good way to give exposition like this. Maybe even just rephrasing it. Instead of “Currently, I’m a scout.” it could be “As a scout, it’s my job to…” The phrasing isn’t perfect, this is still exposition, but it’s a better method of delivery I think. This is also a problem when he’s talking about his family, and other parts of the story. The second is clunky dialogue. The example I’ll provide here is "Are you going to cooperate with the repurposing for the good of the community...". I don’t have to go into why this isn’t good. There’s a lot of clunky wording in the way people talk. Now onto what was good. The plot didn’t linger. This could be good or bad, but the fact that the main character didn’t go on the tour was a smart one, especially for this word count. I like the descriptions. Sometimes it feels like you have a good mastery of language and other times it feels really clunky. You use words I’m not aware of, like adobe, and semicolons, which takes real balls. (Not that I know if you used them correctly lmao.) I like the ending, at least the parts where the language isn’t clunky. It’s really fitting and obviously he continues onward. The lesson of “just avert your mind from the tragedy you create” is a powerful one. I think this is a good story, and it makes me hopeful for what you create in the future.

Being at the lowest HP, and being crippled, and having just used an item to help them, and knowing that no one else even has space for items, Taylor decides that she should be the one to eat the bread.

(Sorry, mb) Taylor tosses the shard to the Tanner, grimicing that she has to do such a thing. IT hurts her even more than the loss of her arm. She agrees with the decision to have the Smith lead.

This sounds very useful

0.9 0.7 English and 0.2 Chinese. And god no. In fact, language learning is the only subject I've taken where intelligence has nothing to do with it.

It's actually so sad, because I was really excited and happy that she'd made a 70k word game. Like that's a huge acomplishment. Sad to know it was fake.