Hey, I'm Ace.
To do list:
Escape triple shame Done: 7/5/22
Complete 25 well thought out reviews Progress: 15
Write a story with a rating above 5
Here is where I keep track of the stories I've reviewed. If I reviewed your story and you're curious as to the rating I gave it it's on there.
This is a story about an artificer making his way through the world. Making choices who shape who he is and who he will become. With even his motives shifting based on his choices.
This is an entry for EndMaster's prompt contest.
The prompt was, "This storyâ€™s protagonist is an artificer, magical blacksmith, or creator of magical weapons. You can translate this prompt to a sci-fi equivalent if you want."
I managed to make this story into a complete product with all the content I wanted in the time given, but I didn't have time to polish the prose much. Please leave any feedback you have. And just for fun make sure to include which of the nine epilogues you got or your favorite if you read multiple.
This story is about a paladin who is on a quest to investigate an unkown evil out west, joined by a lighthearted mercanary.
Authors note: This story was made in a few days for Corgi's Lords of the land 2 contest. Not really proud of it, but it is what it is. Please leave any feedback you have in the reviews because while I know time could've improved the prose, the plot seems to be lacking something that I'm not sure of.
Crime PG story
Placeholder for story about PG
The Candy Man
paper slingers but with kids selling candy in boarding school
I need $2000
on 6/6/2023 10:18:12 PM
I mean if you're at this point of being a whining degenerate just write furry porn. Though I guess even that is too much work for her.
Books you read in school
on 6/3/2023 4:09:54 PM
I read westing game in 5th grade. I think that's a decent book that should be assigned more. I don't recall it being an easy read
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante (& other IFs)
on 5/31/2023 9:44:50 PM
I think I will, do you have any other recommendations for IF's similar to this one? I don't have really any expierences with them outside of the site.
The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante (& other IFs)
on 5/31/2023 3:43:07 PM
I came to this thread to talk a little about Sir Brante, but I see you already have. I've played the first two chapters and adore the world, talking myself into actually buying the full game.
Friday Night Questionnaire 2
on 5/20/2023 12:23:55 PM
Some complex physics formula. Hopefully like you said it isn't discovered until 2023, because if it was discovered sooner it might effect the timeline to the point that are physics symbols are different, leading to it being unrognizeable
Friday Night Questionnaire
on 5/17/2023 2:58:27 PM
I like this one. My pick is foreign language because almost no one retains it unless they decided to take more than the required 2 classes, in my state, and the cultural aspect isn't as strong as people make it out to be. But a lot of people chose high school math, which I found really strange. But those people didn't use it, so their answer is as valid as anyone elses.
Maybe it boils down to how hard is it to pick up if you need it. If Algebra 1, Geometry, and Algebra 2 aren't required in high school because people deem them useless. If I don't take them but later decide I want to do any kind of stem field then I would have to learn Algebra 1, Geometry, and Algebra 2. Which is a ton of content. But if I decide I want to learn Spanish in college or later in life two high school classes wouldn't make too much difference. At most those two classes might put me in the second college class depending on the rigor of the high school, but there's a good chance they wouldn't.
Just one arguement, difficulty to learn later if skipped. There are other axies to consider
Thunderdome 4: Wizzy vs Ace
on 5/14/2023 1:13:46 AM
Thank you, I'm really proud to have gotten so close because, despite my jests, Wizzy is a really good writer. I thought I had him as the first 5 voters, and the only voters for most the week, voted my way, but in the last two days 7 people showed up to vote A. Anyway, it was really exciting to take part.
For a little insight into my process, I started Thursday brainstorming what I wanted it to be about. I asked my Star Wars nerd friend for ideas, and he suggested the battle on Kashyyyk that happened right before order 66, and the battle that Yoda took part in. So I chose to write about a clone that resisted order 66 and chose to save a jedi.
Then I brainstormed everything in my head going through the whole story until Sunday when I started. The battle was the thing I was most scared to write and the final scene was the thing I was most excited to write. Personally I feel like the final scene is written awfully and the battle is better than I was expecting, but the comments suggest the reverse, which I perfer.
There were a couple of questionable decisions I made on the part of star wars lore that I had to defend to my friend, so here are my explanations.
Force Senestive Clone: Some randos on reddit said that maybe the force could be seperate from DNA, so I decided that even though the evidence might lean the other way it was enough of a mystery that I could get away with it.
The Jedi not knowing about Knives: This was a very good point from Dark, and one my friend also pointed out. I rationalized it with the reasoning that the Jedi did know and for Jedi reasons deicded not to take him in. They have been known to be a little pick, case and point Anakin, so clone discrimination could be a thing. I didn't put this in the story do to it not making sense in the scope, and since I don't believe in an author giving their word outside the text mattering it's still a plot hole.
Knives throwing knives: Yeah it's unrealistic. I thought it was really cool.
Jedi knowing about Knives inhibator chip malfunctioning: He didn't, I don't recall implying it. The Jedi didn't lose to the clones on purpose, he was surpised. Also to clearify the chip didn't actually malfunction. It still took affect, and Knives recieves it's effects, he is just able to overpower them due to his connection to the force.
Just some responses to critiques of my writing:
Grammer: AHHHH. My weakness as usual. In my defense I speedwrote this in like two hours on Sunday, but that's not a valid excuse.
Past tense slipping through: Kind of part of grammer, but I did struggle with that a lot, rewriting stuff. I also know someone pointed out I randomly used second person and I guess that's just me being corrupted by this site lol.
Brief with the converstation at the start: I was worried it'd be too long for 2000 words, so I tried to limit what I said. Also I didn't want to info dump their names and roles, I hoped to make it more organic.
Lineup of weapons being an infodump: I think I agree with you. I felt my story wasn't star wars'y enough so I wanted to add specific's. But it might've been better to not.
Battle being written blandly: Yeah, I suck at writing fight scenes. Which is bad because I always envision badass fights in my head. I feel like fight scenes in general don't translate well onto page, and the ones that do are really well written.
Battle being too easy: I should've put more focus on it. Really the crux of this story for me was the last scene. And for that to matter I needed to set up the main dynamics with the main cast. Leading to me giving them all abilities and using the battle to showcase each of them. When planning I just thought about the battle in how it served to showoff the characters and build that dynamic, while I should've thought more about it in context.
Knives characterization: It's hard for me to imagine how he's framed in the story as in my mind this was the situation he was built around. I don't think I did enough to sell that it was a hard choice for him. Actually I don't like the whole scene. I built the story in service of the final scene but the scene itself feels badly written, which isn't something anyone commented on. In particular, I don't like the Jedi's final piece of dialouge when he just dumps a ton of stuff, feels unatural.\
Reply to Dark's comment that my clones were similar to the clones in the animated show: I'm proud of that because I've never seen either lol.
So anyway, thanks to everyone who gave me feedback. I tried my best on this story, besides the fact that a thousand grammer mistakes went unnoticed. I do feel like it's not written in my usual "style" seeing as I tried to make it briefer due to the short word limit and the large scope. I don't really know my "style" anyway as I haven't actually written too much lately, so maybe this'll have an impact.
Congrats to Wizzy on his well derserved win.
on 5/12/2023 9:13:38 PM
That wasn't really a dig at Dark ironically enough. It's just that last I checked he hadn't logged into the site in a while and since I'm not in the discord I wasn't aware if he was even alive anymore.
on 5/12/2023 6:46:46 PM
I wasn't sure if he was still active, but since he is I challenge @DarkSpawn to a duel.
Authors with most influence on your writing style?
on 5/8/2023 10:09:06 PM
How? I'm having the same error.