hetero_malk, The Capybaliph

Member Since

3/14/2020

Last Activity

12/14/2024 2:01 AM

EXP Points

6,913

Post Count

734

Storygame Count

5

Duel Stats

3 wins / 6 losses

Order

Marauder Exemplar

Commendations

309

Hey, I'm Malk. I've been around for a while. Like, more than a decade.  I'm into ancient and medieval history, especially the social and religious kind. Here are some quotes about me: 

"In normal times a mad man like Malk would have been hanged for his crimes. However in this time of darkness mad men can reach positions of great power" - EndMaster 

"Malk probably wrote this whole fucking story while his pasty unhealthy ass was shitting on the fucking toilet. He should be the poster child that the Ugandan preachers point to when they’re preaching to their population of 'Do not eat the poo poo.'

I’m fucking serious, that’s like ALL he fucking talks about at the secret villain lair. That he’s going to shit, how he’s going to shit, what it felt like to shit and when he’s going to be shitting next.

Fuck bran muffins, this guy is eating raw fucking twine if he’s shitting this much." - EndMaster

"Wtf is this gay shit" - Fuck u 

Joined: 7/18/2014

A list of my achievements: 

Achievement Unlocked: Questionable Parentage (10)

 Achievement Unlocked: Not Mine (-10)

Achievement Unlocked: Uganda’s Most Wanted (60)

Achievement Unlocked: Begging For The Abyss (-300) 

Achievement Unlocked: Lord of the Edge (200) 

Achievement Unlocked: 1st Black Crusade (200)

I am also a site admin for some baffling reason. Do let me know if you see spam or bot activity that needs to be nuked. 

 

Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points Earning 500 Points Earning 1,000 Points Earning 2,000 Points Earning 5,000 Points You're an inspiration to Capybaras everywhere. Also your writing’s better than ever. Not only just an inspiration to capybaras, but humans as well. Standard-bearer. For winning the 2021 Edgelord 2 Contest Having 3 Storygame(s) Featured Given by BerkaZerka on 02/27/2021 - Magnificent Modding In The Face of Retarded Fury Given by EndMaster on 03/09/2021 - For rising above and beyond your humble beginnings Given by Gower on 09/01/2024 - You deserved this years ago. Given by Mizal on 05/14/2024 - For the Capybaliphate's many contributions to the site and community. (but mostly the monkeys) Given by ninjapitka on 12/29/2022 - A tribute to your raw talent we all envy

Storygames

Featured Story A Prayer for Destruction

Entry into EndMaster's 2024 Prompt Contest! 

The Faceless Knights uphold divine law, crushing mutation and degeneracy whenever they encounter it. When the young lord of a recently-conquered territory calls for a true servant of God, you must answer. 

This game has a sequel.


CYBERMONKEY

A short, silly, high-octane ride through a cyberpunk future where your bullets are few, your friends are fewer, and the long tentacles of the law are slithering up your pant legs. 

I am aware that technically, writing a sentence in all capital letters is gramatically incorrect. I did this on purpose, several times, for stylistic effect. If you point this out in the reviews, a team of hit-apes will kick in your door. 


Featured Story The End of Creation

Winner of EndMaster's 2024 Crisis Contest! 

This is a sequel to A Prayer for Destruction. It is highly recommended that you read that work before beginning this one.

The North, that frozen-over land of fanatics and heathens, has suffered a great and mysterious calamity. The Sultan bids you raise your banners and ride in his name to investigate.


WARCHIMP
HIGH OCTANE ALL CAPS PRIMATE MADNESS From the creator of CYBERMONKEY, the genre defining cult classic that got the author EXCOMMUNICATED from the IFDB! Entered into EndMaster's 2021 Manifest Destiny contest in the last moments before the bombs fell.

Featured Story Winter, After the Harvest

Winner of EndMaster's 2020-2021 Grimdark Contest!

Take the role of Lord Winter, an aspiring sorcerer and the scion of a noble line that has fallen into obscurity. 

Contains scenes of intense gore, brutality, and sexual violence. 

Cover art by the talented MadHattersDaughter.


A Man Flayed
unpublished

APEPROPHECY
unpublished

"Death is struck and nature quaking;
All creation is awaking,
To its Judge an answer making.
Lo, the book, exactly worded,
Wherein all hath been recorded;
Thence shall judgment be awarded.
When the Judge His seat attaineth,
And each hidden deed arraigneth,
Nothing unavenged remaineth."

-- Dies Irae

Ultimately, the fate of life is to destroy itself.


Brothers of the Breaking Dawn
unpublished


Slayer of Men
unpublished


Spear of Flint, Sword of Bronze
unpublished

Strange Occurrences in my Family
unpublished

Note: This was adapted with express permission from a friend's "Creative Nonfiction" project for ENG223: Journalism in the 21st Century at Toronto Metropolitan University. Footnotes added by me to add clarity when needed. 


The Blood-Slicked Path
unpublished

Turd Midas
unpublished

this is so fucking stupid


Recent Posts

Grimdark settings, evil paths & all that RPG shit on 12/12/2024 3:44:09 PM

Was impressed by how Baldurs Gate 3 has a path where you murder everyone and become a death demigod and the last you see if your character is him wandering through fields of corpses and oceans of blood 


I hate Dark Fantasy but love to act like a faggot! on 12/11/2024 7:24:21 PM

It's a quote from a famous dark fantasy game you ninny  


The Iliad Book Club on 12/9/2024 10:36:15 PM

Well, if it comes down to it, I'll run it for just you and I if I have to. 

I can also increase the pace if people are burning through it at a crazy rate. I wanted to keep things nice and achievable to begin with though. 


The Iliad Book Club on 12/9/2024 6:42:45 PM

Hello friends,

In 2025, I am planning on hosting an Iliad book club. Everyone is welcome to participate: the more people we have, the more fun. Helpfully, there are 12 months in a year, and 24 books of the Iliad. That breaks down to two books a month, which is an extremely manageable pace. 

When we begin, I'll start a thread for discussion, and a new subthread every two weeks. I'll try to produce discussion threads. Also, I have institutional library access, so I may post some optional secondary readings if you guys like. 

We will be using the new Emily Wilson translation. I will try to find PDFs and distribute them on Discord to anyone who wants one, but if you would like to acquire your own hard copy, that would be good. I think it's best if everyone goes off the same translation. 

I'll post a thread on every second Saturday. If you'd like to join in, have Book 1 read by January 11 2025, and come to the thread armed with your opinions and observations. 


In time, you will know the extent of my failings on 12/6/2024 10:09:26 PM

Buddy, you're a grown man who is into MLP. I'm only giving voice to what every nervous person in your life is thinking as they discretely text your picture to an emergency contact. 


In time, you will know the extent of my failings on 12/6/2024 10:01:10 PM

Yeah, I think the problem here might be that you're a pink clopping ponyboy who can only engage with media if it's giving you explicit and didactic lessons about Right and Wrong. 

Also "there are no good characters in GoT" is such a common and stupid take and I have no idea where it comes from. Jon Snow, Sam Tarly, Brienne of Tarth and Davos Seaworth are all pretty noble and selfless characters who survive. There are even more if you stop being a show onlycel and get exposed to Septon Meribald, the most virtuous man in the Seven Kingdoms. 


The story I am writing is a doozy on 12/5/2024 9:52:46 PM

All I'm hearing here is that you don't have the courage of your insane convictions. 


The story I am writing is a doozy on 12/4/2024 8:28:18 PM

No, you can't actually reject the reality where "a conclusion follows premises" and substitute your own. 


The story I am writing is a doozy on 12/4/2024 7:26:42 PM

You told me in the other thread that a society is not acoustic just because most of its members are illiterate, because the mental structures associated with literacy apply even to illiterate members. I specifically named ancient Greece as an example of an oral culture, to which you deployed the following argument. I've tried to reconstruct it as charitably as I can, because you're kind of all over the place. 

P1. There are only literate and acoustic societies. 

P2.  A society is not acoustic if it has members who can read. 

P3. Ancient Greece had members who could read. 

P4: (P2+P3) Therefore, Ancient Greece was not an acoustic society. 

P5: (P4) Therefore, Ancient Greece was a literate society.

Calling hybrid animals a characteristic of acoustic societies doesn't make sense, because, as you've said, literate members of a society influence illiterate members. It's a contradiction of your own terms. 


The story I am writing is a doozy on 12/4/2024 7:14:42 PM

"One of the things that I've noticed about the internet is that people tend to use it to pick large narratives and things apart with all these sorts of little arguments about all the small details." 

Attacking the supporting arguments that lead to what you consider a false conclusion is literally one of the most ancient forms of argument.