stargirl, The Reader

Member Since

11/14/2020

Last Activity

1/26/2021 3:29 PM

EXP Points

56

Post Count

6

Storygame Count

0

Duel Stats

11 wins / 13 losses

Order

Warden

Commendations

0

No Profile Entered

Recent Posts

Jellyfish on 1/7/2021 7:42:11 PM

I just realized that I had a lowercase letter at the beginning of a sentence, something I learned not to do long ago. Oh well, guess it's too late to change that now. 


Jellyfish on 1/7/2021 7:39:33 PM

Thanks for the feedback! Like I said at the beginning, I am not the best at grammar so thanks for the tip. I will remember that next time I write something where I want to put emphasis on the words. 


Jellyfish on 1/7/2021 1:35:21 PM

                Here is a short story that I wrote when I was board. Can you post feedback down below please? I would like to improve my writing so all criticism is appreciated. Also, I know my spelling and grammar probably isn't great, I would like to get better at that too. 

                The Jellyfish floated in the water, pulsing, like a heartbeat. It was almost mesmerizing the way they pulsed, like dancers to an unheard tune. She watched as they bobbed, and for a moment she became one. As they bobbed she breathed. As they floated in the water, letting the currents drift them away, she could almost feel the cool water around her, and the calm of the rhythm. Up, down. In, out. She lost herself in the world of jellyfish. 

                 Someone tapped her shoulder. She jumped, snapping out of her trance. Milma looked at her oddly. "I called your name three times and you didn't respond, is everything alright?" Milma asked. "Yeah." She said quickly, "Everything's fine." No I'm not okay! She wanted to scream. Everything's not okay, everything's awful! She wanted to say, but she didn't, she couldn't. She didn't want to admit it, that things had gone wrong. She didn't want to admit that it was real, this was real to herself. Saying that it wasn't okay, she wasn't okay, would be like having it happen all over again. 

                    She couldn't bear it, the emptiness in her heart, the constant ache for something she could never have, something that was so precious to her, so- Stop it! She told herself. it didn't do her good to wish. Her wishes never came true, in fact, they always backfired. After all, it was one of her wishes that killed her. Her. Mom. Olivia Smith. Even thinking the name brought the dull ache to a pounding pain, for a moment she couldn't breath, couldn't think. then the moment was over and everything was back to normal. 

                 Except for a pang of longing in her crippled heart. Except for the fact that normal had changed, normal had become an empty house, awkward silences, pity, anger, and that all too familiar ache in her heart. 

                She longed to return to the world of jellyfish, a world where nothing mattered, a world where everything was prefect, no anger, no ache, and no dead mom. But they were already walking away to the next exhibit, something about dolphins or sharks. She cast one last regretful look at the jellyfish tank, and rounded the corner, leaving them behind forever. 

       


Under 14 Report Here on 12/5/2020 5:17:32 PM

I hate to be dumb, but what does fealty mean?? Im sorry, but I'm just 11. 


Under 14 Report Here on 12/5/2020 5:11:39 PM

He is my little brother, it wasn't my falt he made his own acount on his computer!!! He just said that the site was cool, and then 30 minutes later he came over and proudly showed me his account. 


More Profiles on 12/4/2020 8:32:39 PM

Thanks, but I don't know how to make it my profile picture. Could you help me please????