Player Comments on travel of wand
And I thought there was only one way to transmit Antibiotic-Resistant Gonorrhoea...
on 10/21/2017 3:20:50 AM with a score of 0
'dragon with unpronounceable name saw them when they arrived and burn them' is not a very satisfying ending, and there were multiple like that. You need more detail and description in every aspect of the story. Show, don't tell, etc.
I know nothing about what the characters are thinking or feeling, and nothing about anything that's supposed to be happening except for these brief, vague summariess as though you're telling the story after the fact but also don't really care about any of it.
Lots of Special Fantasy Nouns with no context littered around. Your job as a writer is to clearly communicate ideas.
Also, did you not notice that in the description, the character's name comes are written as ricele and ThÃ´rdalo? You didn't think it mattered enough to fix? The description and (uncapitalized) title is the first thing any reader will see and give them their first impression of your story, which will not be a good one.
on 10/19/2017 12:57:53 PM with a score of 0