AzBaz, The Contributor

Member Since

5/18/2017

Last Activity

6/24/2017 1:17 PM

EXP Points

155

Post Count

125

Storygame Count

0

Duel Stats

1 win / 0 losses

Order

Infrangible Warden of Avon

Commendations

24

27.7%

‌Everybody likes a nice Easter Egg.                                        
I think there's some sort of bug on my profile page. I keep getting all these weird dashes and stuff. Just ignore those I don't know how to get rid of them.
Nah, nothing to see here. Nice try though.                         

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Trophies Earned

Earning 100 Points

Storygames

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unpublished

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TEST SUBJECT #23 EXP. #107
unpublished

RUNNING TESTS...

PROGRESS: UNKNOWN

DATE BEGUN: UNKNOWN

ETHICS COMMITTEE AUDITING STATUS: DIDDLY SQUAT

SECURITY STATUS: LOCKDOWN PENDING

NOTES: The sick, twisted experiments of mad scientist AzBaz on the Advanced Editor, executed in a state-of-the-art underground laboratory. Stopping at nothing, he seeks to push the poor piece of lovingly crafted code to it's brutal limits. Test subject #23 shows promise, he says, though it will inevitably be discarded. AzBaz broke the other 22. Will nothing sate his thirst until perfection? We can only hope the Advanced Editor makes it out without too many scars: be they emotional, computational, or physical...

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To Kill a Mocking Writer
unpublished

Azbaz looked around as 50,000 strips of mercilessly shredded egos danced in the wind, caressing his horrified face between flecks of blood raining from the searing sky. That was when he realised the World was Godless... No God could ever will such a brutal World. In that single point of insanity, just as his laughter rose to a terrifying crescendo amid the piles of bodies, he heard his calling to become one with savagery, and he liked it.

Er, a bit grandiose.

In other words, inside the sealed vaults of these pages lie my bordering-on-abusive notes about stories. My notepad doesn't like being as full as it already is and started threatening to send letters the NWRC (Notepad Working Rights Committee) the other day. We all know what they're like, so here we are now. Within, I explore both the amazing and the abysmal in search of the sweet taste of any hot, salty tears I can squeeze out of the each miserable author who's spent a measly hour 'writing' a 'story' barely worth being the obituary to their shortly approaching demise.

Oh, what's that you say, lolrandom writers? You're safe behind your precious screens, tapping away while you wither pathetically in your parents' basement? Right... well I'm coming after YOU next. Have fun dodging my verbal fists of fury.
 

(While 'nice' pushes it a bit and is positively the most boring word in all of description ever, I do actually try to be fair.)


Recent Posts

Proof-read checkbox on 6/24/2017 6:14:59 AM

Yeah, that would make checking that all of the scripting works a lot easier, especially if you have loads of variables. 


A Gay Old Time (LGBT Pride Thread) on 6/24/2017 6:08:16 AM

I'm pretty sure I've seen LGBTQA+ or I+ or something used. It seems to grow every day!


Stop being mean you guys! on 6/24/2017 5:49:59 AM

Oh shit, that was actually a good pun.


Proof-read checkbox on 6/24/2017 5:45:27 AM

Yeah, I see what you mean. Tags might be useful though, but what else would you tag on a page? 'Needs finishing' or something maybe?


New Contest Starting Soon on 6/24/2017 5:38:26 AM

Yeah, I checked and MinnieKing already rekt me. 


New Contest Starting Soon on 6/24/2017 4:18:31 AM

No, I haven't. Seeing as they don't seem to be held often, I assumed I'd have to go back through years. Then again, people probably don't post very often in that section; I don't think I've really ever looked through it.


Proof-read checkbox on 6/24/2017 4:12:45 AM

I've been thinking about how useful I'd personally find this for a while. Having a checkbox next to every page that can be ticked to show it's been proof-read would be useful, especially for people who write long stories. That way, you can easily see what's been looked over for mistakes, which is especially useful if there's lots of branching and it's hard to keep track of what has and hasn't been proof-read. What do other people think?


New Contest Starting Soon on 6/24/2017 4:03:02 AM

Cool, I might try my hand at this depending on how busy my summer is. Thanks for hosting BerkaZerka! What kind of themes have there been in the past other than chaos?


Draw My Attention (Reign of the Mini-King) on 6/23/2017 10:12:35 AM

1) Recommendation for Featured Comment:

A Dog's Life

You surprised me. I have to say, when I started this story I thought it would be a bit basic and short, but it was both longer and more interesting than I initially thought. Animals can be hard to write about unless you anthropomorphise them to some extent. If it's done badly, you end up with widely hated series like the WC World. Ugh. If you do it well, you get what this story showed hints of now and then. There was real emotion poured into this in parts, even if the plot was a little linear (then again, you're not going to have some incredibly intricate chronology of betrayals and twists in a story about a dog, so that's to be expected and it's fine!). I got the good ending, and while I won't spoil it, I have to say it really did make me feel. I won't say what I felt, as even that might spoil it, but well done. 
What I most liked was how you captured that kind of innocent thought pattern that so suits the dog perspective. A few examples: 
What I most liked was how you captured that kind of innocent thought pattern that so suits the dog perspective. A few examples: 
'The woman and boy came. You learned the both their names, Mom and Greg.' 
'Greg had decided to give her some gold. And that thus made her want to live with him.' 
Onto the criticism. I thought that some of the writing was a little bland. There were mistakes every so often, not anywhere near as bad as the worst I've seen though, and the dialogue felt a little wooden and robotic. Maybe try to imagine what your character is like, then what they'd say to whatever they're replying to with their personality in mind. Oh, and remember to use a comma when finishing dialogue in a way that continues on the sentence (e.g: '"Look at me! I'm being developed as a character," screamed Tina with a sudden burst of break dancing.'). Reading it out loud helps too for this, as well as the general flow of everything. Watch out for 'your' and 'you're', but that's a fairly easy mistake. While it doesn't need scripting, I'd say maybe some of the options could do with being one click only (memories later on in the story or the choices to go to the creek etc. at the start, for example). Also, maybe add a sex you can pick; there were a few examples where the story was a little compromised: 
'"We neutered (him/her) so that we could stop overpopulation." the woman said.' Some things are best left to the imagination too; I don't think the whole 'overpopulation' thing is necessary in speech. 
All in all, a really nice story and I enjoyed it:) 
5/8

-- AzBaz on 6/21/2017 4:27:45 AM


A Gay Old Time (LGBT Pride Thread) on 6/23/2017 8:31:16 AM

To be honest, if you are an actual author, then you probably wouldn't share your novels here. People could find out who you are if they really wanted and stuff you've said might come back to haunt you even if you meant it as a joke. It could all be taken out of context if some weirdo decided to do that. It's impressive if you do have four novels out there anyway.