Player Comments on Under The House

Well, it should be noted you had an idea, and not a bad plot. That's the start of every story, but execution is the main factor here. Adding more detail would go a long way towards this story.

Another couple of important things: Character development. Who am I? Where am I? What do I look like?

From the television choices, most are kid shows, so we can draw from that, that we might be a child... Or an adult who just likes watching children programs. But that brings the questions again.

The story itself isn't bad. It just needs a few touch-ups, and perhaps a few more details would help this story be more of what you might have depicted. Good effort. ^-^

This is the type of storygame that is choices, but no actual story. There is hardly any description, though I felt pretty cozy reading it for some reason.

The achievements thing is pretty cool (I know I'm a coward...shh), and there was some kind of plot? Not the best first storygame I've ever read, but a nice foundation here to build on.

Not fleshed out at all. Needs more details, background, and character development. Very disjointed as it is that does play into the whole is "it a dream?" aspect but it could have been executed better. Feels more like a first draft then a finished story.

Since interesting ideas in here, and you have a acceptable grasp on grammar and the like, but you write this entire thing in a day and it shows.

Your story is badly in need of more details, polish and care. Right now it reads more like a rough draft just briefly telling what happens in each scene than a finished story.

There's absolutely no reason to rush these out, and I'd recommend reading at least a couple of other stories to see what people are going to be judging yours against before publishing next time.