Crescentstar, The Dramatist
Last Update: 7/29/17
;-; All projects have been on hold for at least a month now; I guess summer break is busier than the school year. I'm thinking about doing something with Secret Winter Story and Love Notes. Don't know when. Darn, I owe so many writing pieces. XD
ToS List: Pineapplekitty, Rivertail, Virtualide
Thank you's: Thank you, Kiel's awesome partner generator—for that I'll be eternally grateful. Thank you, everyone who supported me. Thank you Shadow for everything. Thank you Set for being friendly to, like, everything and everyone.Thank you Raven for tolerating me.
"Guided by my parents but raised by the internet." - Ford
"As long as people stay out of my kicking range" - Me, in honor of a friend's suggestion
"I refuse to partake in any of this. I am strictly neutral in this war." - Seto, the true Sage
"It takes a monster to kill a monster." - Caleana Sardothien/Sarah J Mass (whichever you prefer); Heir of Fire
This is my 2016 December Ballad Contest entry
Note: Any items are in the girl's inventory.
Also, this entry is quite short, but there are several endings.
Beware some of the things in here as they're quite... unfriendly.
To some, it's called the "Forgotten Holocaust of World War II". The atrocities committed in the Pacific theater of war during World War II are arguably the most inhumane and cruel acts done in all of human history.
Play as either Zhaoluo or Li, a pair of stepsisters, along with a touch of enemy perspective.
Endings: 3 Normal Epilogues, 2 Special Epilogue (an altered version of a normal epilogue due to at least one choice), 2 Normal Endings, 2 Death Endings.
1. I do not intend to discriminate against any group; I think that all types of people can be very nice and kind, and I'm writing in both sides' possible perspectives, so keep that in mind. Also keep in mind that the Japanese and Chinese had always had tensions between them, and their bias against the other can be very strong.
2. I've taken some creative liberties with the story, which include making up appearances for real people/characters and the lack of police officers and guards in the camp the protagonist resides in. It is historical fiction after all. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that some of the swear words I used don't really exist in Chinese, but my knowledge in that area is not too good.
3. Information found are on various sources listed at the end of the main path (the most boring path, of course).
4. Although much of it is optional, and because I can't write such things very well, there will be mentions and mild descriptions of violence, gore, rape/forced incest, decapitation/removal of body parts, and other dark subjects. Viewer discretion advised.
5. Update (1): Thanks you, StrykerL, for the critique. I've incorporated most of the tips. Future Updates (?): Extended paths, Hidesada Path.
Thanks to TharaApples for beta-reading. :D Also, I'd like to also mention Orange and MinnieKing for (keeping me entertained and) helping each other procrastinate during our time with all this: *gestures wildly*. Of course, for also shoving each other toward the finish line (he he). Oh, and Steve24833: Thanks for a few informational pointers and stuff. Thanks to the people who've given writing advice to me in my time here because they were very helpful.
If you notice anything wrong, incorrect, or otherwise... odd, please let me know! ^-^
Things from the past seem to come back to me. Beautiful memories of how all of us were so happy together. We would chat every day and strengthen our bonds everyday. It was summertime then, and the the light was so bright and lovely; it cast a warm glow on all of us, our auras were so bright. I would go to the length to say that I love them. I love them so much. They were the people I hold closest to my heart, and I cannot bear to ever lose them, to ever stop talking with them and sharing our lives with each other.
But... now. It's all gone. All ruined. I can't stand how these beautiful memories are so out of reach, so blurry and bleak. I can't stand how one of the people I say I love has changed so much... and for the worse. I can't stand how my friends have to leave, one after another, slowly and slowly. I can't stand watching them leave me. I can't stand it. It's breaking me slowly. I love them all; they are very dear to my heart. These people are some of the best friends I've ever had. But they're changed and gone... and I fear that they don't know how much I truly, truly love them.
Recent PostsNectar in a Sieve on 8/16/2017 11:41:28 PM
Well crap. XD Now I want to stab him to death. :/ Like, I've read little pieces of the middle of the book, and he still seemed quite supportive/nice. AHHH Whyyyy
Writing Prompt:week #1 (horror week) on 8/16/2017 12:24:02 PM
Aww. I'm glad things worked out for them. :)
Writing Prompt:week #1 (horror week) on 8/16/2017 12:17:51 PM
Yeah. *thinks* Your mother..?! 0-0
Draw My Attention (Reign of the Mini-King) on 8/16/2017 12:14:40 PM
Comment for Featuring
Although this story was well written, it's very different from the typical CYOA found on this site- not that that's necessarily a bad thing!
For me, the main issues were spacing, length of paragraphs, and lack of choice (I only came across two real decisions).
Concerning the first two, to give you an idea: when I originally opened this story, I was immediately taken aback by the huge paragraphs on the page. I often found myself skimming through lines- but not because the story was boring. I only did so because of the gargantuan size they ended up accumulating to. I would recommend that, if you were to make a story in the future, you used proper spacing- it's a great way to convey emotion and separate ideas.
As for choice, you have to remember that this site *is* called "Choose your Story"! When there are only three endings that you have to offer- as you say in your summary- the story becomes very linear- as you also happen to say. This would not be an issue if the choices weren't so... clear, for lack of a better word. When choices immediately lead to cookie-cutter endings, it becomes quite bland. It also makes the reader feel like the true ending is Helena's- which is something you don't want to do. Try to make each choice feel solid.
However, apart from this, the only flaws I could find were an underuse of commas where needed, and not separating the dialogue with spacing. Be that as it may be, this is still one of the better stories on this site. I congratulate you on writing it, and give it a 5/8.
-- jamBuster on 3/11/2017 1:29:54 PM with a score of 0
Nectar in a Sieve on 8/16/2017 11:56:32 AM
This was the Academic Sports League Decathlon book when I was in 8th grade. I actually began reading it, but then quit because it wasn't the book us Pentathlon kids were supposed to read. xD
It's not something that I would pick out either, but it was interesting to me. I liked the narration, though it was more passive than what I usually read. The kindness of the husband (sorry if I don't know the names or the all characters) made me somewhat touched; I expected a harsher family. I also was pissed that her two oldest sisters got extravagant weddings or whatever, and she got hardly anything worthwhile. :/ Except her kind husband. :3
Sorry I can't give a deeper response; I haven't looked at the book (which I hardly read) in the first place for a couple years.
Writing Prompt:week #1 (horror week) on 8/16/2017 11:49:28 AM
I'm not the only one that found this entertaining? The ending was beautiful.
BZ's Summer Slam Contest! on 8/16/2017 11:33:05 AM
I'm kind of glad I didn't join; my inactivity from a busy summer would've prevented me from writing anything worthwhile. :/ I eagerly await the next contest though, assuming the coming school year isn't going to keep me from at least actively lurking.
Newbie here ^^ on 8/2/2017 8:17:41 AM
Baka = Idiot/moron
Kokoro = heart?
Anyway, welcome, BakaKokoro!
Draw My Attention (Reign of the Mini-King) on 7/28/2017 11:13:54 PM
Comment for Featuring
The writing quality is excellent. The story itself was engaging, and I was submerged into the action - something I find hard to do in many cases. The protagonist doesn't act too stupidly, as expected of her, and your choices allow her I have flaws that don't end with death.
This story, however, has a few errors or other holes that make me double take on the events. Many of the loops don't flow well - the transitions are jarring and unrealistic if the page has been already read several times. Additionally, the story itself doesn't provide muc background for Bast. The lack of other main characters (side characters, etc.) is disappointing, even as a lone mercenary. A powerful female fighter like her should be well linked. Some of the link choices are just... why. Pick a number? (1 or 2) Pick a color? (Red, Blue, Black, Green, or Purple - I think those were it.) The numbers and colors had nothing to do with the story...??? They could easily be controlled with a random dice roll and variables. Another thing that I found odd was the information in bold that talked about inventory stuff (crossbow, lanterns, etc.) They weren't vital to the story, and it didn't effect the story; they could've been left out instead of left there to make me wonder if they actually did have a purpose. This storygame is a nice introduction to the larger plot, but I would've preferred if it hadn't been separated into the parts that it was separated into. Just one large, nice storygame. :D
But yeah. I like the story, and the character sheet was most intriguing to read. Your writing ability makes the story work very well. Can't wait to read Part 2. *goes to read it*
-- Crescentstar on 7/28/2017 11:08:01 PM
CYS Yu Gi Oh Cards! - pt 2 on 7/17/2017 12:42:29 PM