Crescentstar, The Dramatist
Last Update: 10/15/17
ToS List: Pineapplekitty, Rivertail, Virtualide
Current Storygame I Probably Won't Finish: Secret Winter Story
"Guided by my parents but raised by the internet." - Ford
"As long as people stay out of my kicking range" - Me, in honor of a friend's suggestion
"I refuse to partake in any of this. I am strictly neutral in this war." - Seto, the true Sage
"It takes a monster to kill a monster." - Caleana Sardothien/Sarah J Mass (whichever you prefer); Heir of Fire
"I'm experiencing diminishing returns." - Me
Thank you's: Thank you, Kiel's awesome partner generator—for that I'll be eternally grateful. Thank you, everyone who supported me. Thank you Shadow for everything. Thank you Set for being friendly to, like, everything and everyone.Thank you Raven for tolerating me.
This is my 2016 December Ballad Contest entry
Note: Any items are in the girl's inventory.
Also, this entry is quite short, but there are several endings.
Beware some of the things in here as they're quite... unfriendly.
To some, it's called the "Forgotten Holocaust of World War II". The atrocities committed in the Pacific theater of war during World War II are arguably the most inhumane and cruel acts done in all of human history.
Play as either Zhaoluo or Li, a pair of stepsisters, along with a touch of enemy perspective.
Endings: 3 Normal Epilogues, 2 Special Epilogue (an altered version of a normal epilogue due to at least one choice), 2 Normal Endings, 2 Death Endings.
1. I do not intend to discriminate against any group; I think that all types of people can be very nice and kind, and I'm writing in both sides' possible perspectives, so keep that in mind. Also keep in mind that the Japanese and Chinese had always had tensions between them, and their bias against the other can be very strong.
2. I've taken some creative liberties with the story, which include making up appearances for real people/characters and the lack of police officers and guards in the camp the protagonist resides in. It is historical fiction after all. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that some of the swear words I used don't really exist in Chinese, but my knowledge in that area is not too good.
3. Information found are on various sources listed at the end of the main path (the most boring path, of course).
4. Although much of it is optional, and because I can't write such things very well, there will be mentions and mild descriptions of violence, gore, rape/forced incest, decapitation/removal of body parts, and other dark subjects. Viewer discretion advised.
5. Update (1): Thanks you, StrykerL, for the critique. I've incorporated most of the tips. Future Updates (?): Extended paths, Hidesada Path.
Thanks to TharaApples for beta-reading. :D Also, I'd like to also mention Orange and MinnieKing for (keeping me entertained and) helping each other procrastinate during our time with all this: *gestures wildly*. Of course, for also shoving each other toward the finish line (he he). Oh, and Steve24833: Thanks for a few informational pointers and stuff. Thanks to the people who've given writing advice to me in my time here because they were very helpful.
If you notice anything wrong, incorrect, or otherwise... odd, please let me know! ^-^
Things from the past seem to come back to me. Beautiful memories of how all of us were so happy together. We would chat every day and strengthen our bonds everyday. It was summertime then, and the the light was so bright and lovely; it cast a warm glow on all of us, our auras were so bright. I would go to the length to say that I love them. I love them so much. They were the people I hold closest to my heart, and I cannot bear to ever lose them, to ever stop talking with them and sharing our lives with each other.
But... now. It's all gone. All ruined. I can't stand how these beautiful memories are so out of reach, so blurry and bleak. I can't stand how one of the people I say I love has changed so much... and for the worse. I can't stand how my friends have to leave, one after another, slowly and slowly. I can't stand watching them leave me. I can't stand it. It's breaking me slowly. I love them all; they are very dear to my heart. These people are some of the best friends I've ever had. But they're changed and gone... and I fear that they don't know how much I truly, truly love them.
Kyra Ross is a 15-year old commoner in a post-nuclear-devastation world where mutants (also called dark forces) are the main enemy to humanity. They are fought back with, what is in short, magic.
The enemy isn't these mutants however; the enemy is very human. And what happens when you're tangled up with a few boys that are very, very charming? What happens to you when your parents don't care about your mental well-being? What happens when your only noble friends are involved in a family war between each other?
What happens when you're a commoner stuck in a pit of nobles?
There isn't any "bad" stuff—nothing explicit or involving the murder of human beans. Unless you count itsy-bitsy descriptions of kisses.
I rushed the ending of my entry due to the deadline for the School-Based Contest, and I will edit it all (add more story and epilogues and do even more proofreading) after the contest.
Hope you like it! ^-^
Recent PostsFeminists are taking all our stuff on 10/15/2017 4:32:46 PM
I'm going to wait for someone else's reaction before clicking the link.
Draw My Attention (Reign of the Mini-King) on 10/15/2017 4:31:56 PM
Comments for Featuring:
This was an interesting story. It gave me the impression that you wanted to create something similar to your previous ballad. There's a lot of emotion and evocative imagery conjured up within the words of your story, and the ballad format certainly sets it apart from the other entries of the contest.
However, I have to say that this is sorely lacking. I clicked through something like 15 pages, and was prompted for a decision...twice. Each time, it didn't seem to affect the ending. Maybe I'm missing something, but it seemed rather linear in that respect.
I can't help thinking that that might have been the intention however - hence being called Song of Nothing. I'm probably looking too deeply into it.
The atmosphere of the poem was absolutely beautiful, especially towards the end. Ironically, the main strength of this work - the ballad format - also acts as a weakness.
The rhyming feels very forced at times, there isn't sufficient wording to describe the kind of scenes that might be expected from a hero-themed story, and it's rather limited as to what you can do. That's not your fault, however. Rather, it's more of a feature from the writing style that you've chosen.
All in all, this was a short but memorable poem which was lacking in many areas. More choices, substantial content and branching would improve on this.
-- Saika on 10/13/2017 9:50:27 AM
Should we limit reproduction? on 10/15/2017 4:20:49 PM
Now ish me. I think. Unless Ford had just been screwing around.
Feminists are taking all our stuff on 10/15/2017 4:13:03 PM
Oh wait. Think I remember someone saying something about girl scouts hiking. Ah whatever.
Have you ever ate a cookie sold by them?
EndMaster’s Children Story Contest on 10/15/2017 4:11:39 PM
Don't Grimm tales have a lot of sexual references though?
Feminists are taking all our stuff on 10/15/2017 4:10:07 PM
I literally have no idea what the girls in Girls Scouts do outside of selling cookies.
Feminists are taking all our stuff on 10/15/2017 4:09:28 PM
Crap. I'm getting into a squabble with Steve. That seems like a much better explanation for why Boy Scouts are letting girls in than what I have thought.
I'd rather have the two organizations merge than let girls join Boy Scouts. What boy is going to join Girl Scouts? Wouldn't this just lower the number of girls in Girl Scouts (because I'm sure many girls would switch over to the more exciting Boy Scouts) in effect? Having two scout organizations, but one with only females and one with both males and females, is unbalanced. I think many would prefer the mix group, causing Girl Scout numbers to drop. :/
Feminists are taking all our stuff on 10/15/2017 4:00:42 PM
This whole girls allowed in boy scouts thing... wasn't it because of some girl who complained that the best badge or whatever in Girl Scouts wasn't has prestigious as the best badge in Boy Scouts? Tbh, I don't really want the two groups mixing. If people have a problem with the program, they should go and try to change the program itself. Not change a part of the foundation of Boy Scouts.
Murder becomes legal on 10/15/2017 3:52:04 PM
- Carry a weapon with me at all times
- I might hurt somebody, tbh. Maybe I shouldn't carry it.
- Ooooorrrrr I might be able to defend myself better
- Speaking of which, I'd take a self defense class and have my friend teach me tae kwon do
- Make sure only family can have access to the house
- Wear some sort of clothing or something, like those boot replacement things they had in WW2 because they were too cheap to afford the real thing or whatever, to protect myself
- Get a guard dog
Apparent Forum Shitstorm on 10/15/2017 3:41:34 PM
Ayy. I enjoyed the first episode. Never got around to finishing.