Player Comments on Halloween Assignment

Well, I haven't done a decent review in quite some time, but I have a little time so why not :D

Beware, spoilers below.

From the start, I really can't get over the tone set from these sentences.
"Cold and crisp was the wind, blowing from every direction."
"Curiosity was burning, lurking inside of you."
And then immediately after
"This particular night was a week after Halloween, you know when you go to the store, you think Santa barfed, and then realize its not even close to Thanksgiving?"
The first few sentences'...tone is very different from the third, and I just feel that you should stick to a certain style to narrate, the sudden shift is pretty jarring. I'm not sure I'm explaining this well...

Anyways, secondly; you would really benefit from some paragraphs. That big wall of text on the first page was annoying, but at least I see a little effort made to break up the text in a few other pages :).
The reason paragraphs are important is that when there's one huge wall of text, I end up wanting to skim it and not look carefully at everything.

Break everything up a bit where it seems appropriate :)

Next is the sheer stupidity of the main character for wanting to chase after some weird figure in the dark. And then after that, the jump from wanting to find out whoever it was to wanting to kill it? Why did the main character want to kill the person? How did they know it was a "creature" and not human? In one of the endings you get a chilling sensation and then pain. I assume the pain in your back was the "creature" knifing you :D then was the chilling sensation that essentially paralyzed the main character something supernatural? If so, then why didn't the "creature" use it earlier?
What was wrong with the old woman next door? Why are you evil? Who's coming? Why did the creature go to such great lengths to lure the main character out? I got the ending that I assume is the "true" one, where it ends up you're part of a summoning, but it doesn't answer any questions still.

I feel like you had a decent plot.
But all these loose ends and unanswered questions make it horribly confusing.

My final score would be a 2/8. There was some effort put into this, if the wiritng is any indication, but oh there was so much that needed to be fixed...

Badly in need of proof reading, I was spotting quite a few misspelled words and punctuation issues.

As for the story itself, I wasn't expecting much after the uninspiring title and description, but there's at least a decent amount of writing here with effort put in.

I kept wondering WHY I was running around the neighborhood in the dark when that was pretty much at the bottom of the list of ideas I'd have attempted in real life...)round the neighborhood in the dark after some sinister figure, and the game even acknowledged this didn't make any sense while not letting me do anything else.

It seems like there's an ending every couple of clicks, and every one is just the creepy guy randomly doing a different horrible thing to you, without anything in the way of explanation. Some kind of consistent plot thread would have been welcome.

So...could have been better, could have been worse. The lack of proof reading definitely hurt it. But while I can't say I'd recommend this as is, with some more attention to detail and a plot that made your choices matter more I don't see any reason the author couldn't go on to write some much higher quality stories in the future.

Boring.

It feels like the game moves a little fast. One moment you're tracking this figure and the next you're dead. In the longest path, there is a slight ambiance built, but there isn't really much meat in there. Your descriptions need a bit more flavor, it seems as if they were fairly bland. Shadowy figures are mysterious, but they don't invoke imagination. Especially when you see the all the time. I'd have someone proofread for comma splices as well. This story would definitely have benefited from some suspense and exploration. Maybe finding clues from previous victims, or catching the antagonists in the act. Something that would engage the reader and give them a sense of the impending danger and a desire to get away. The slow burn to the heart pounding chase. Instead the lack of build up and payoff for the chase lead to a lack of me being invested.

Spoilers Ahead:
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Spoiler Alert: Is it even possible to win? Doesn't seem like any of the endings are ideal or particularly rewarding or even satisfying. Like I said before, foreshadowing would have been nice. By the time you realize you're in serious danger, you're in an inescapable path to death. By the 3rd time I got hosed, I wasn't even clicking with an intent to explore. I was just mindlessly clicking to the next death screen.

while i definitely enjoy these games, this was a bit bland. you could have expanded your choices, given it a bit of substance, et cetera. i could tell some effort was put into this game and it’s creation, but you could have done leagues better. maybe next time add a bit more flour to your pancake mix, and a bit more flavor. your story is like a pancake that kid have been great, but as if you forgot to put enough salt and sugar. keep writing!