Player Comments on lochael

Not as dire as I expected when seeing the description, but there are dead end links all over the place without a way to end the game or go back, and it needed to be proofread.

Chapter nine seems to be completely missing as well. (You don't need to list everything in terms of chapters or pages by the way, just describe the actions in the link itself.)

You've got a good imagination but the story suffers BADLY from being generally incoherent and having all these fantasy action movie scenes just told about in passing instead of showed as they happened in a way to make them matter. This story needed to be at least 100X longer or else it needed a tighter, more focused plot.

Smart move milking the system for diversity points BTW, you'll probably get a better grade even though the boyfriend was just an object to be rescued and had no role at all in the story otherwise. It actually didn't matter whether he was your gay lover or a damsel in distress because he didn't get a speaking role or personality.

Sun powers are obviously better than mob powers though so I'm not sure why he needed rescuing in the first place, but there were a lot of things about the background and characters and what was even going on left unclear.