Player Comments on The Boy in Egypt

4 slightly more fun than homework

This was cool

There is a lot of bad grammar. The humor makes up for it mostly but the grammar annoys me.

Fun Game

Good

I was good but it would be better if it was way more challenging.

Good Choose Your Own Adventure. I overall liked it and I once made a Choose Your Own Adventure in 5th grade with my teacher.

I would infer that her name is Lucy and this story are part of the same school project based on the similar publishing date and writing style.

This story also has many grammatical mistakes, misspellings and some odd word choices. Seeing "Bandit 1:" and "bandit 2" made me crack up a little lol. You could have used any other descriptor that would define these two, but oh well.

The one thing that I did like a lot about your story was that the protagonist had one clearly defined goal. It keeps the story from meandering too much. Plus I like how you weaved ancient Egyptian culture into the story, such as the urns with organs, very well handled. What I often see is that authors would slap the reader with buckets loads of dry text walls at the end of such education flicks. I'm glad that you didn't do that.

I'm a little confused about Jafar and his character motivations, the treasure in general and how your brother ended up there. It feels as if I was missing some chunks of the story.

Choosing between the left and right path without any clues given to the readers almost always comes off as a meh way yo provide choices. Fun choices are the ones where you as a reader are given at least enough information to make an informed choice (exceptions are always there such as in more humorous stories)

All in all, all right story. It kept more of my attention than the Lucy one. So kudos to you.