Darius_Conwright, The Reader
I'm your average neighborhood writer and a sucker for shitty fantasy works.
Status: Alive and cursing myself why I've taken up such a big writing project.
Hobbies: waiting on Berserk updates, reading trashy fanfiction and searching for even trashier Isekai.
18/3/2021 chapter 1 is finished, chapter 2 now drafting.
Lux, capital of Marenostrum and the shiny beacon of factories and innovation is seized by an unknown plague. People are dying and the ruling parliament is getting restless. You, a promising doctor and doting father of a precocious son, are assigned to eradicate this threat once and for all. However, this task does not come easy as the priorities of the different factions of the parliament clash with the needs of the poor and your need to keep your son and yourself safe.
Recent PostsCYS Book Club? on 4/9/2021 4:18:41 PM
Well, we have then alone in the world by hector malot, goddamnit I cried when the monkey died. Such a nice children's book.
The brothers lionheart was also one of my favourites, haha.
And I guess all books from thea beckham.
CYS Book Club? on 4/9/2021 4:12:28 PM
Okay, haha 9 days too late, but I have finally read the darn book, so let's start right with my impressions.
The first 8 chapters were boring as heck, no, they even bored me to tears. Jem and Scout were just being scared about some Boo Radley and harassing the poor fella for pages and pages. I just don't like reading about children being unnecessarily cruel like lord of the flies style. I'm just a bit tired of this kind of stuff, because I have seen it too many times. Plus, I honestly didn't give a crap about that subplot.
There were some fun moments sprinkled through these chapters though. God, I love the whole black church side plot where Cal was taking Scout and Jem to the only black church in town. It really shows the whole segregation stuff nicely. I always thought that it was kind of weird that the US has black churches and white churches, so reading about it was kind of cool. Then there were many times that you can spot the subtle and not so subtle racism displayed by the townpeople. I believe I haven't heard so many different insults and uses of the N word before, or maybe I'm just not reading enough old books. (To be honest, usage of the N word here is kind of justified as this is basically a period piece and a showcase of the mindset of the people of their time, but boy this makes the book very unquotable)
Then, then, then, There was the build-up to the court scene. This was I guess the most 'fun' part for me. Look, I just adored the movie 11 angry men and this gave me the same vibes. Our boy Atticus was just slaying all arguments like it's nothing. God, I love the scene where he points out the left handedness of that Rob Ewell. Atticus is just way too fun to watch when he is in his lawyer mode. He is also a great dad btw.
The aftermath of the court scene went as expected. Our homy Tommy who was probably very innocent got convicted by our 'lovely' jury members. The thing that did surprise me was his death and the sudden death of Ewell. I don't know what to think of this ending. Ewell's death was kind of a cop out to me. It felt a little bit too happy for me. You know, bad racist guy died, everything is solved. That's not really how you handle systematic oppression, at least in my opinion. It's not as simple as "guys, we just kick out the bad people and only have the good people", that whole racism thing is probably a bit deeper than that.
I think I would have liked it better that Ewell got away with the whole thing, because in real life karma for bad people like him doesn't exist, they get away with bad deeds. It would be more interesting if Scout has to live with that fact.
Also, how the heck, Boo just went and stopped Ewell from murdering the kids. It felt almost humurous that the guy they feared the most in the beginning became their ultimate saviour, talk about the irony.
At last here are also the funny moments I noted. (These are just some highlights, otgerwhise the list will be way too long.)
Merryweather being merryweather
Tommy just got convicted and was found guilty by the jury although the fellow was not guilty.
miss merryweather: Hmm.. I don't get why my servants are so cranky today, is it the weather or something
Jem being an asshole
Scout: why is my brother such an asshole
Atticus: *shrugs* Oh well, boy's going through puberty
jem: look scout, don't tell anyone
Scout: what is it?
Jem: it's a secret
Scout: what is it?
jem: *proudly shows a single belly hair*
the sheriff after the whole Ewell mcstabby fiasco
Sheriff: look Scout, we have found a dress
scout: oh that pink one was mine
sheriff: we have also found a brown something with iron wire through it
I played a ham during halloween.
Jem: why, why, why, what's wrong with you people
Atticus: hey, at least he got an extra hour
the whole ham costume in general
Jem: okay, you can get rid of that costume now
Jem:It's pretty difficult to run in it tho...
Jem: come on I even brought you your dress
*ewell mc murder shows up
jem: goddamnit scout get rid of that fucking costume
Scout: I DUN WANNA
during that weird tea party after the trial
one of the ladies: Oh jean louise what do you want to be
Scout: i dunno
*Auntie alexandra looks expectantly*
scout: I wanna be a lady!
lady: (.....) better put on a dress missy
dill in general
dill: I wanna marry Scout!
Scout: heck yeah!
Dill: *only hangs out with Jem
Our boy raymond
jeremy: can I get some of that magic juice
Raymond: sure kid, my super magic juice
*Jeremy gulps the shit down
Jeremy: what the fuck bro, I thought it was the good stuff
Raymond: TrOlololol it's just coke
fun book, it did make me emotional once so that's a bonus. The beginning was darn slow, but the other parts kind of justify that slog. Regarding its message and the time period it was written on (around 1960), it has a very progressive view on this whole subject and it doesn't shy away from it. If it was written during this time, people may say that it is "hamfisted" or "forced", but I think that this book serves the same great purpose just like uncle tom's cabin did years before. People ain't gonna get the message unless you spell it out for them, especially not folks living in the 60's.
So I kind of get why this book is so applauded and yeah, I would probably recommend it to someone. However, I probably won't reread it in its entirety. (The first part was such a slog)
Hey Bilingual Folks! on 3/22/2021 11:20:19 PM
Wie denk je dat ik ben? Rioolwater, beschimmelde boterhammen en stampot zijn de enige nodige voeding voor een Hollander.
Translation: "Who do you think I am? Sewage water, molded sandwiches and mashed-potato-vegetable-abominations are the only nutrition a dutchman needs to have."
Hey Bilingual Folks! on 3/22/2021 2:59:46 PM
Kijk eens aan, een nieuw kameraad bij het Nederlands front!
Mad Hatter's Daughter Appreciation Day! on 3/11/2021 1:52:33 PM
I've seen the art on the website now, it looks rad MHD! Here is a small tribute to show my appreciation! Keep up the good work!
Parentage and other questions on 3/10/2021 2:44:29 PM
Wait, is endmaster so old that he has real-life children now who can write? It feels kind of unreal.
CYS Book Club? on 3/6/2021 4:49:14 PM
Count me in! To kill a mockingbird it is. I want to see what the whole hype around that book is all about.
CYS Book Club? on 3/6/2021 4:32:46 PM
Oh, sounds like fun! I've allready read Of mice and men and animal farm before, but it was a long time ago. The other ones were still on my reading list.
I do have some questions. Will the bookclub be kept on this thread/how was the previous one organized?
Is it annoying if I introduce myself like this? on 3/6/2021 11:08:32 AM
Holy crap, this thread has not one character arc. It has two! I'm almost watching a tv show right now.
So we have the teenage girl who went on a whole trip of self-discovery, reflection plus character development to turn into a less annoying version of herself. Now she had made another objectively less annoying introduction, which didn't cause a full blown internet war, sadly enough.
And then we have another teenage girl who managed to have two separate accounts, trying to fool the internet that she has a little sister who became pregnant at age thirteen. After a hard battle of wits and logic and facing utter defeat, she still desperately attempts to tell people that she is not lying.
The two characters are true foils towards one another.
This is almost poetic.
Small excerpts; feel free to rip it apart on 3/6/2021 7:20:00 AM
Gosh thank you for typing this all out. I'm kind of surprised (in a good way) by your response. It has gone through so much depth. So I'll also go by some of your points and give you a proper reply.
I haven't really thought about having different sets of speech styles in characters before, but now that I think about it a little more, I think that it is a great idea! I exaggerated the speech patterns of some characters now a little bit more to really distinguish them. Also added a small section about that in my reference sheet.
Regarding using the past tense, I also debated this to myself. I made a decision to stick to the past tense, because I liked how some verbs sounded in their past tense form. However I did notice that a lot of choose your own adventure style games use the present tense and so I get the odd feeling. I read that in Ogre;s reply too and he shared the same sentiment. Since the page count is still relatively low, such changes can still be made without a lot of trouble. Aargh, I really need to think about it a little more.
About the grammar mistake with the 'lily's', mistake on my part. It's my Dutch showing up again. Thanks for spotting that.
The name Lux
Okay, the whole naming-the-city-Lux part, it was pretty much an arbitrary decision. The whole world and the world building is actually a lot older than the story itself and was actually part of another story.
At that time, I thought that the name was pretty 'dope' (I still like the Latin which I guess it's because of the mere exposure effect). It has a nice ring to it. The name was also thematically tied to that older story, basically a small remnant of my previous outline. The whole Lux thing was because of the old lighthouse in the city played a much bigger role in the story.
I'm now thinking up a name that is thematically a little bit closer for this story. The city basically has kicked out the king and has become a republic. Based on other historical examples, it wouldn't be very unlikely for the city to get rid of the old name and thus have two names. One old one, which name probably translates to ''insert-name-first-king-here's city'' and one new name, which the inhabitants currently use. I have to brainstorm on that last name for a little bit.
Length of chapters
Generally yes, I personally don't really like to read a wall of text in storygames, but I still want to have the space to flesh out some of the characters and story. So I thought that setting the page length at maximum around 1,5 pages except for the endings might be a good enough balance.
The missing part between the two excerpts
You guessed it. It is pretty meta and the only meta part of the story.I don't really like the idea of throwing the player a bunch of dry information about stats. Since some stats really need a bit more explaining, I had been thinking about a little more engaging way to relay that information to a player.
The birdman is basically the tutorial bot who gives the whole stat lingo to you, but you are technically still in character. So the doctor, you are playing as, is probably very confused as the birdman asks you whether you know all the stats or whether you just want to skip the tutorial. You are also given the option to still act in character during the conversation. At the end of the exchange he erases your memory and the story continues.
In story, these birdman are just mythological creatures and are part of the folklore and fables parents tell to little children.
Many thanks for the feedback! If you don't mind, I'll let you know when a bigger portion of the story is finished.