Player Comments on The Other Wardrobe

I think this a decent starting point for an unfinished storygame.

I like the setting, and think the characters seems interesting. However, the player character's constant description of various things being 'weird' without any further elaboration, does get a bit grating as the story goes on. I understand it's an attempt to give some personality to the player, but you still need to at least give me some reason as to why it sticks out. Another detail that seemed out of place was the MC's dislike of chain-smokers but willingness to get high on weed. This seems intended to be comedic, but it comes across as sort of awkward the way it's presented. Try having the MC monologue briefly internally, about the 'benefits' of marijuana and the dangers of smoking, I think that would help get the humour across better.

I also spotted a few SPAG errors. Some of them are:

On the page 'Wardrobe interior' there is an unneeded comma in the second line of the second paragraph.

On the page 'Parking Lot', 'Truck Stop parking lot' is capitalised unnecessarily and in the last paragraph of the same page the sentence beginning with 'and, yeah' the word and should be capitalised.

On the page 'Check out the Honda' the option at the bottom is spelt 'Tale the envelope' rather than 'take'.

I didn't play through the whole game but those are the ones I noticed. Other than that, it's an okay start. 4/8.