Player Comments on They're coming

Before this gets removed, I just wanted to point out that in addition to everything AgentX said, you probably would have figured out it wasn't a good idea to publish this and thus spared yourself these less than stellar reviews if you'd taken time to read the higher rated stories on the site and seen the quality level readers are looking for.

In general, any story with a 1/8 length is not going to do well. This one is less than a thousand words and likely took you less than an hour to write. A good CYOA requires care and effort, and a grasp on how to write regular stories and the concept of plotting, pacing, character development and so on beforehand helps as well.

I'd recommend you visit the Writing Workshop to get feedback on your work before publishing next time. Or the Creative Corner is good just as a pressure free place to practice.

Wow.

Points to ponder over...

Absolutely NO character development whatsoever. All of a sudden I'm with this person called Trevor who's supposed to be my friend, but how the heck did I get to know him? What's his background? You should've at least put some details regarding those.

Restrictive choices. You make it almost seem like there's no hope from escaping "They", because any attempt to do that results in death. And sometimes the death links are illogical, like "You eat some berries. Dead" (paraphrase). And the one excuse you provide is by saying the aliens were actually gonna help. "Gonna help", really? Then WHY was the tracker in Trevor rigged to go boom? If they were gonna help US then why am I the only one who dies whenever I make a wrong move?

Overall, like another user commented, this has C- writing. HOWEVER, you do have ONE small thing that seems to be going your way: you have few grammatical or spelling errors.

I understand this is your first storygame, and though we can't assume everyone can turn out masterpieces on their first try, it doesn't mean we can now assume everyone produces sub-par work in their first try. I implore you, if you have any more storygames to produce in the future, improve over this one, which, according to my rating, is only good to poop on. 2/8.

Short, boring, pages looping back, two choices that end the game, and C- writing. Try harder.

PSA for readers: What you want is 'stay and wait' and 'give up'. There's about ten seconds of content here but the other choices just loop you endlessly backwards.