Player Comments on Venetian's Requiem part 1

I kind of said this before, but I don't think you're doing the story and a setting you care about any favors by breaking it apart to fit the word count for the theme. Again, the tiny 'topia jam is completely optional to participate in and meant to be just for fun. There's no time limit on it because it's supposed to be for those moments when inspiration strikes or when somebody just needs a short distraction from a longer project.

There are some nice moments and nice imagery here, like the underwater city and the anemone everywhere as you're approaching the entrance, but it's a fragment of what was meant to be a larger story and it feels like a fragment.

Another issue is that as your English has improved so much, the grammar is no longer a distraction while reading--and that's a great thing!--except it's now also kind of highlighting the parts that aren't a matter of being ESL, but just a lack of proofreading. You may want to read Gower's article to brush up on dialogue punctuation, and sometimes when I read your stories I find things that look like they got cut off during copy and pasting. Here after one of the pages where I destroyed the robot, there's a page that just ends with the word "Tonight" left hanging with no punctuation or anything. I'm not sure what else was meant to go there. I know editing is no fun but it's something everybody has to go through, no work is perfect immediately after typing it.

Anyway, I just really wish you would write this whole idea out as a full story, because the Venetian setting is my favorite of yours so far and I'd like to see more of it written the way you originally intended it. You don't need to change how you write to fit some arbitrary restriction.