BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
You slap the off button on the alarm and roll out of bed.
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
"What the hell?" You rub the sand from your eyes and notice the television is still on from last night, flashing those stupid emergency testing signals. "More of this rubbish?"
BEEP, BEEP, BEEP.
"Attention Americans, this is not a drill. Repeat, this is not a drill. The one hundred billionth citizen has just been born in the early hours of the morning in Toledo, Ohio. Protocol 69,666 is now in full effect. All citizen will report to their standardized testing facility by 10 o'clock A.M. for Extermination Testing. Attendance is mandatory. Anyone who does not report for testing will have their scrotal or clitoral collar activated, followed by the combustion chip. You can thank Miss Kaitlin Tatalonia for spewing the demon child from her womb that enacted these necessary measures. Repeat, this is not a drill."
BEEP, BEEP, CLICK.
Enough of that blathering crap. You snag a Rolling Stones t-shirt off the floor and give it a good whiff to make sure it isn't too rank. The shirt definitely has an odor to it, but you don't think the funk is too terrible. Who do you have to impress anyway?
Outside the window, the mindless drones the government calls Americans scatter about like deranged imbeciles. But that there lies the problem, doesn't it?
Ever since the good ol' US of A won World War XXVII and sank the other continents below sea level, the population has exploded at an exponential rate. Nuclear fallout allegedly caused a significant increase in the hyper-sexual activity within the inbreeding redneck community of the backwoods state of West Virginia. Topnotch government scientists have failed to curb the population growth with their experimental scrotal and clitoral collars, as the mutant spawn have developed the ability to regrow their genitalia just as a starfish regrows a missing limb. While the population has grown, the average IQ has plummeted to a disappointing 68. The populace is so stupid the average American can no longer name his or her own state capital.
Protocol 69,666 represents the final straw. Culling shall now commence.
Well, you better head to your testing center. How horrible it would be to have your collar and chip activated! Before you go, you decide to try and smuggle something into the examination tower with you. Why? Because you're just not that bright yourself.
HEALTH is 100.
