"Help! Somebody help me!!" Yelled a random lady, standing in a dark alley with a knife pushed against her throat.
"Shut the fuck up, lady, and just give me that Versace!" The mugger proclaimed, pushing the knife ever closer to her throat. A thin line of red liquid spilled from the lady's throat.
"Ak- no! My dead grandfather gave it to me!" The lady, dumb as hell, said.
The mugger sighs and shakes his head in distaste. "Guess this is gonna turn into a murder scene... couldn't have made it easy, huh?"
The mugger pulled the knife away and prepared to plunge it into the lady.
Suddenly, a man flew out of seemingly nowhere and punched the guy in the face, going the speed of fifty miles per hour.
The mugger flew 15 feet and crumpled when he hit the solid brick wall. In his place, stood a white, middle aged man, who doesn't even appear slightly in shape, his pale white skin blatantly obvious under the dim street light.
"Oh, my god! Thank-"
"OW! FUCK!" The man yelped in pain, nurturing the hand he used to punch the mugger with. "THAT SHIT FUCKING HURT!"
"Oh, my god, are you totally, like, okay?!" The lady asked, almost nonchalantly.
"No, what the fuck? Did you see me hit that guy going like, a hundred fucking miles per hour? Jesus Christ!" The superhero yelped, holding back tears.
"Well, uh thanks for saving me and all, but I have a nice evening planned with my totally secret boyfriend, and I need to go, so uh..." She slowly walked away, down the dark alley.
"Hey, wait a minute!" The superhero said, but the woman was already gone. He pulled out his phone with his left hand, and dialed 911, and sat and waited on the curb, nursing his crumpled hand. "Why the fuck do I save people in this piece of shit town anyway?"
The superhero, was one of a rather unspectacular kind. Yeah, sure, he had a super power, but nowadays, 10% of the population had superpowers. And yeah, he had a cool one (he could fly, and pretty fast at that), but he wasn't lucky enough to be granted invincibility.
This superhero's name was Reggie Rogers. And, before you ridicule, think of the hard time this guy had in school, okay, and hold those nasty bully thoughts back (we all know you had them! And don't accuse the author, either! Don't even dare to criticize his lack of creativity...).
As the ambulance pulled up, Reggie could already see the driver rolling his eyes. Reggie recognized him from the last time Reggie had gotten hurt- he had hit a tree and fallen to the ground, breaking his leg. That wasn't but a couple of months ago. His name Laurence.
The man stepped out of the ambulance and sighed. "What is it this time, Reggie?"
"Man, I was just saving this lady, and I punched this guy, and I think I broke my hand. But I saved her, she was about to be killed!"
The ambulance driver sighed and shook his head. "And where exactly is the woman that you saved?"
Reggie tried, at this moment, to formulate a sentence, but he decided that anything to come out of his mouth at this point would just prove to make him sound even dumber.
"Okay, so where's the suspected perp?" The other emergency responder said, and this time, Reggie actually didn't recognize him.
"Down the alley, unconscious." Reggie responded firmly.
After a second of the guy walking down the alleyway and returning, he had a private word with the ambulance driver. They both returned laughing, wiping away tears. "Unfortunately, there's nobody down the alley."
Reggie was dumbstruck. He could've sworn that guy was out cold...
"Look. We'll fix your hand, Mr. Superhero... but this time, the state isn't going to pay for it." Laurence said, still chuckling.
"What?!" Reggie asked. "What do you mean? I'm a good damn super sumaritin!"
"Not anymore, homeboy. The state cut off the funding for your superteam last week. Everybody at the hospital heard about it when your- ahem- superbuddy, came in with a broken nose last week."
Reggie's world just got turned upside down. How could this be? What would the team be without state funding?!
"Let's get that broken hand patched up at the hospital, Mr. Reggie Rogers." The other ambulance guy said, holding back a guttural laugh.