Your previous foray into the internets was totally epic. I would describe it here, but there is a whole other god damned story describing this adventure. You should stop being a lazy asshole and just play it. Anyway, your massive adventure across the internets has made you wise up to what the plebeians find funny. You have created countless internet fads, like that one thing where celebrities never change facial expressions, or that other doo-da where owls with funny faces say nonsensical things.
You consider yourself to be pretty bad ass, as far as total geeks go, but you still have a problem, you are dirt poor, and you still have your shit-tastic computer that makes an abacus look somewhat advanced by comparison. Normally this wouldn't bother you, but there has recently been an evil interloper trying to steal away your adoring internet audience with other fads that goes by the alias, Selaznog_Otrebla. This person has called you out frequently, and if you don't get the edge on him quickly, you fear that he will usurp you as King of the Internets(TM)! You lift your large, pasty rear end off of your chair for the first time in months with one mission: assert your authority, by any means necessary. Go, child, and reclaim the glory that is your birthright!
