The Daddening

You wake up on a crisp, normal morning with a smile on your face. The birds are singing. The flowers are blooming. The grass you forgot to mow yesterday is growing at an alarming pace, but, other than that, life is good.

You are Dad, father of your twin daughters Gwen and Bailey and the protector of all things dad-related. You scratch your head, feeling some unease at the realization that maybe these names aren't quite right, but you shake your head--of course they're correct! You're Dad. You're perfectly assured of your own existence, and the existence of others. Nothing could ruin this glorious day.

You roll out of bed and walk into the kitchen, finding Gwen standing in front of the fridge with her earbuds in, looking disappointed. Gwen is best described as a "gamer," using most of her time to uselessly plug hours and hours into a virtual world that has essentially no benefits in real life. Nevertheless, you still love her, because you are Dad.

"Hey, you're up early!" you chuckle. It's 8:00 in the morning, so it's strange to see one of your kids up and about before noon, especially during summer break.

"Yeah," she mutters back, popping out one of her earbuds and making brief eye contact with you, "I went to bed early."

"You looking for some breakfast?" you ask.


"Well, I went to the grocery store yesterday, so there should be plenty of things for you to eat in there."

"Oh," Gwen replies, "Okay." She proceeds to close the fridge without taking any food and walk over to the pantry.

She must've not seen all the food I got, you think, even though you know from past experience that Gwen seems to just have an aversion to eating anything that has not been super processed or is completely unhealthy, What would be something that she would like to eat?

HEALTH is 99.