Player Comments on Explore my appartment

I'm assuming that you made this mostly for practice. If so, then it seems like you have a fairly good grasp of linking pages together properly in the basic editor. I didn't run into any dead ends.

That being said, as a storygame, this left something to be desired. With no engaging plotline, there was no motivation to explore what appears to be an completely normal apartment. If the location was exotic or mysterious, I would probably be more interested in seeing more, but the room descriptions were typically a single sentence and didn't mention anything particularly out of the ordinary. The reader needs a compelling in-universe reason to walk around in the apartment, otherwise the game just becomes an tedious search for the 'End Game and Leave Comments' link. For example, if you had put this into the context of a detective carefully searching a crime scene, I would probably be much more motivated to see every room and detail just to find all the clues.

While the grammar and spelling were occasionally messed up, it was never too distracting. The biggest one that needs to be fixed is that 'Explore my appartment' should be 'Explore My Apartment'.

The first thing I have to mention is the story. There is none, but the exploration is okay. In order to make that more interesting, I would suggest that you learn about scripting, variables, etc. by asking others on the site. That way, when you go the ipod/iphone, the computer, or anything like that, you can include (possibly) mysterious information that can slowly build up to a story.

The grammar and phrasings were okay (I have seen much much worse *thinks of generic WC game and shivers*), though I think you should change occasional fragments into proper (even if it's short) sentences. There are a few other things, but at the moment I can't quite remember them specifically.

Otherwise it's not bad, but too much of a game for any real immersion (though I personally wouldn't have revealed a partial lay out of my home/apartment, for paranoia reasons). I give it a 4/8.

Umm ok?

This story need to be grammar and spell checked, along with much more detailed description. For example, the title of the story is already spelled wrong...

Okay, guys I made this for practice, it isn't supposed to be the most awesome story. I was considering making an advanced one with a story, with keys and secret notes and passwords, but this one was just for practice. I know I didn't really describe stuff good, but it was still pretty hard to describe, and I couldn't add photos because it' my parents home. Still, thank you all for trying this game, and the tips in the comments!

Good as an experiment. There are some grammar errors and the end is hard to find, but it's fun, so yay!

Seldom has 'choose your own boredom' seemed so appropriate.

Advice? Have a story. Or if you insist on making another storyless environment, at least make it somewhere people might actually want to explore.

Not to be harsh but this was exceedingly boring. Jumped out the window as soon as I could, I only wish it killed me. You could have made this so much more interesting, maybe your're a spy or a burglar and you have to case the next target area, or you're a government inspector and you have to make sure the house is safe and secure so it can become an orphanage. Maybe someone's looking for a secret basement that holds the key to their past mysterious life. Use your imagination!